Masked Love

I cannot believe those words came out of my mouth. Everything I had hoped for and dreamed of my entire life is gone. I can barely walk. My legs feel so heavy and my head aches. I finally make it to the kitchen, and I see Addie immediately.

“Nicola, are you ok?” I don’t respond.

“What is going on? Are you ill?” Again I say nothing. She comes closer and whispers in my ear. “Do you want me to find Luca? Do you need help?”

“Addie, everything is ruined. I was so naïve to think anything could come of this. So, we shall act as if it never occurred. As if the dreams and my past never existed.” I am once again surprised by my own mouth. It is as if someone was speaking for me. I have no control over what I am saying or doing. I remember my duty, grab the princess’s breakfast and head back to her room, leaving Addie confused, scared and speechless.

Different and strange thoughts race through my head and overwhelm me as I walk slowly back. I am alone again. I have nothing to offer that can change this. What can I do? I cannot go to Italy with them. How could I live seeing my true love every day, married to another woman. He would be so close and yet so very far away. No. I cannot put myself through such agony. I would have to leave.

With my head distant and lost in thought, I continue my duty in silence. I dress Korine, do her hair, gather her laundry and make myself busy with my work. I even take on other tasks to keep myself from looking for him. I help in the garden, the kitchen, the sewing room. I use only the servant passageways and for once, it seems like I am where I belong.

“Nicola?” My mother’s voice shocks me out of my thoughts.

“Darling, is everything alright? You have been so quiet, I hope you are not ill.”

“Oh I am quite healthy, mother. Quite alright, so there’s no need to worry.” My voice cracks as I speak. Mother’s hand gently touches my forehead.

“Your head feels feverish. I want you to go lay down.”

“I need to finish this dress. It’s for Korine’s hunting party tomorrow. I need to add an extra lining. The rain brought in some cold air.” My voice is monotone. No matter how hard I try, my mood remains the same.

“Well come with me to the couch then. I’ll get something for your head and we can work and talk. I know something is wrong. You are never like this.” She looks frustrated. I know how hard it has been for her. I know her past now, and she still feels ashamed. I have to cheer up, or at least be honest with her. How could I be so selfish?

“Mother,” I take a deep breath, “I was with Luca yesterday.”
“What do you mean ‘with him’?”

“We went for a ride and he told me he remembers me. And he told me something.” Mother is already uncomfortable, but I say the words anyway. “He told me he loves me.”

“Excuse me? He said what? Oh no. Oh no. What are we to do? Oh Lord, what are we to do?”

“Mother, calm down. Nothing is going to happen. Trust me. Nothing can happen.”

“Do you love him back?” It is a simple statement, but one that would decide everything. If I say yes, mother will put me on lock down. She will probably have me watched. But if I say no, I will be lying. How could I lie to someone who has been so honest with me? The choice is making my head hurt even more.

“Yes. I love him.”

“Well, then how are you going to get him back?”

“What?” I practically fall off the couch.

“Dearest, I lost my chance at love. I know that as a mother I should be stopping you here and reminding you of your place. But this is your place. You are not a servant, you are the daughter of a noble. Now that you know, you can do what you can to find your true love.” I have no words so I just embrace my loving and wonderful mother.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“I love you, Nicola.”

“I love you too. With all my heart.” I jump up out of my seat and run to find Luca.

I search absolutely everywhere. I run to all corners of the palace, the idea of hope giving me the strength to keep going. I finally reach the stables. There, I find Noé talking to himself. Curious and amused I go to him. “What are you doing?”

“Oh!” His face goes completely red. “I was um…I was just…” I have never seen him like this before. He is completely speechless.

“Noé what is going on? You are giving me quite a fright?” I can’t help but laugh as I say this.

“Nothing is wrong, I swear. I am just trying to think of what to say when I propose to your dear friend Adèlie.” His smile grew and he started laughing and shaking his head.

“What? Oh I can’t believe it! Is that a ring?” He holds out his hand to reveal a delicate little silver ring with a small diamond. “How could you afford that?”

“Well, I have become good friends with a certain prince who kindly lent me some money. He is even paying for the small wedding.” Noé is beaming. It looks like he would fly if he could.

“Luca is amazing isn’t he? I guess I chose the right man to fall in love with.” My chest suddenly feels tight. And my head is heavy again.

“Yes you did. Nikki? Are you ok?” I am on the ground. “Nicola! Can you hear me?”

“What is going on?” It’s Addie. Noé quickly puts the ring away and brings Addie to me. At this point I cannot tell what is going on. I can only focus on the pain in my head.

“Addie, go get her mother. I’ll carry her to her room. Then we have to tell the princess that Nicole is unable to work. Now go.” Once again, I faint.