Masked Love

I feel it happening again. The numbness starts in my fingers and the pain forms in my head. My instinct reaction is to call for Luca who has always been there during my attacks. They have been happening more and more frequently since I was ill. Thankfully, my head reminds me of where I am and I repress the urge to scream. Even though the music still swells and the laughter and chatter of the celebrating guests still fill the room, it begins to fade into the background and all I can hear are the queen’s words. After a few seconds I give in to the agony and my knees give out. Before I can hit the floor, the man who the queen claims to be my father reaches out and catches me. “I need air.” I don’t know what else to say, and even if I did, I’m not sure it would make any sense.

“I thought she would grow out of this. She had fainting spells when she was a child. I will bring her outside. Make sure no one sees.” It was Antonio. Faster than I thought possible, he lifts me and brings me to the gardens. When we are far enough away from the palace, he places me gently on a bench and puts his coat around me.

I cannot believe that this is the man my mother spoke of. How can a man so kind abandon his wife and child and force them to run away? The gentle touch of his hand rubbing my back felt so familiar and could not be the evil man I had dreamt about. His voice startles me as it breaks the silence of the moment.

“You have had this sickness since you were a baby. You were such a tiny thing, always running around the gardens. I would find you asleep on the grass countless times thinking you were just tired. One day when you mother and I were fighting, you fainted right in front of us. It was morning. You had just woken up and I knew that there was no way it was exhaustion. We called the doctor and he said you had a fainting sickness, as long as you calm and we kept you away from too much excitement or frightening situations, you would be safe. I thought you would grow out of it. This is my fault. You must hate me.” His voice seems so far away as if he was speaking to another person.

“How could I hate someone I have never known?” I tried to keep calm, but it was getting harder to hold back the tears and anger that was building up inside of me.

“You sound just like your mother. I thought you were her at first. It was like seeing a ghost.”

“Was she dead to you? Do you hate her that much?” The tears begin to stream down my face. My hands are clenched. If his arm was not firmly on my back I would have stood.

“How much do you know?” He no longer looks at me. Instead, his gaze lingers on the ground.

“I know that she loved you. You, however, never loved who she really was, only what you thought she was. You disgraced my mother’s good name by taking a mistress, so she ran to a place where she could raise me without you and your wealth and your name.” I try to get up but almost fall. His face grows pale from shock.

“Please, do not leave. You are in a fragile state. This may be too much for you to handle but could you allow me a little more time to explain myself?” I remain silent. I did not want to exert myself to much or disrespect my father’s wishes. When I finally gather enough strength I speak.

“I will listen, as long as you allow my mother to listen as well. She has a right to know your side as much as I do.” I call a guard over and told him to summon the seamstress, keeping with my disguise and shocking my father.

“If you are not nobility in this country, why are you attending the ball?”

“I am not welcome here, but I will explain the rest later. I’m not sure I can trust you yet.” My mother arrives a few minutes later and is in shock when she sees my father next to me. Her eyes turn to me and she can see that I am weak.

“Evelyn, you look well.” She keeps her eyes on me and grows concerned.

“Nicola, are you alright? What is going on?”

“I will be alright. I will return to the party shortly. Learning the truth about my past is more important at the moment. You may begin, my lord, but it cannot take too long.”

*********
“I was a very stupid young man, constantly surrounded by wealth and fortune. All I wanted to do was maintain it. That was all I thought about. That was all my parents thought about.

The threat of shame and disinheritance was always held over me by my parents and my younger brother. He knew that he was next in line for the estate and tried everything he could to get what I was destined from birth to have.

One day as we were walking through town, I saw the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on. She walked with a sort of grace and humility that I have only seen in court, and by the dress she was wearing I only assumed she was of noble birth. The more I spent time with her, the less I cared about rank and status. All of my foolish thoughts seemed to go away and all I wanted was her. I never questioned her when she spoke. I was in awe of her. A few short weeks later we were married and I felt like the happiest man alive.

Everything went wrong the day after the wedding. My parents were wondering about your mother’s dowry, and being so foolish, I asked your mother about it. That was when the truth came out about her status. That was when the foolish thoughts of my youth returned. Before I could stop, the thoughts became words. ‘How could I have been so stupid? Marriage is about necessity and because of you I am going to lose everything. I will never forgive you.’ I knew I could not leave your mother after consummating the marriage. The only thing I could do was get away for short periods of time.

I spent three months at the palace. When I was there I made plans to remain married to your mother, while keeping my title and my name. I had enough money to pay for the silence of your grandparents and enough power to threaten anyone who challenged me. I needed to do everything it took to get what I wanted. I needed to become my brother.

When I returned home after those long months, I found your mother with child. Instead of comforting her and congratulating her, I warned her. If she spoke about the truth of her life to anyone, I would disown the child. She was to remain my wife, but only on these terms. I was cruel to her. I confined her to the estate for the duration of her pregnancy. I checked on her once a week and told her that a boy was necessary to pass down the estate. In my mind she was still the love that betrayed my trust, but I thought that if we were to have a son, marrying her might lose some of the shame.

Six months later, you were born. When the nurse brought me the news, I was furious. I thought I was a failure. Then, Nicola, I saw you. All of my anger slipped away when I held you. Even though I was not ready to forgive your mother, I always loved you. The years went by and I watched you grow into a beautiful little girl. I went away less often in order to spend more time with you. I was the one who introduced you to Luca whose father was a duke at the time. Do you remember him? You two were very close.

A I watched you with your mother, I grew fonder of her. From afar, I began to appreciate her more as your mother. I remembered how lovely her voice was and longed to speak to her more. She was never cruel to me, even if I deserved it, but she kept her distance. When you became sick, we started to talk more. We would stay by your side together and tried not to fight around you. Everything changed when you turned five. I knew that I was in love with her again. She was no longer someone I had to forgive, the person who needed to forgive me. Marrying her was not my greatest failure, but my greatest accomplishment. Because of you Evelyn, I have this wonderful daughter that I love so much.

I was summoned to court that winter. The king and his son had died in the plague and the noble men were to go and discuss the appointment of Luca’s father as the new king. I was gone for a month. I was planning on proposing to your mother again, as a way of expressing my love for her when I returned. When I came home, she was gone, and she took you with her.

*******

My mother and I just sit in silence. None of us know what to say. Should I be happy, or angry? He expressed his love so wonderfully and yet he left us alone. My mother seemed to have the same idea.

“You never looked for us?” The tears began to fall down her cheeks.

“Darling, I looked for months. I had search parties throughout the whole country. I never thought you would leave Italy completely. He begins to cry as well and grabs my mother’s hands into his. It’s then when I realize that he had been telling the truth. There was no exaggeration. Only truth. Suddenly she grows angry and shakes away from his grasp.

“You think that after all of your betrayal, I am to forgive you? You still disgraced me with your mistress. How could you?”

“I never took a mistress. Even when I was furious with you, I thought mistresses were for men who were less than I. I could not bring any more shame onto my household, especially after Nicola was born.”

“I was lied to.” Her voice is faint as if she is tired and confused.

“Evelyn, I never lied to you.”

“Not by you. Your brother lied to me. He was the one who told me about your affair. He was the one who told me to leave and escape you and your new reputation before it ruined mine too. He told me you were going to divorce me.” My father does not speak. He walks over to my mother, and embraces her. He then pulls me in and I realize that my family was not as broken as I once thought it was, and it was almost whole. I finally begin to speak.

“Father, I have some news. I’m getting married.”

“Nicola!” As if on cue, I hear Luca calling my name. My father looks shocked and slightly amused.

“Is that the reason you are at this party? You are marrying Luca?”

“Yes father, Luca and I are going to be married.” Finally, I feel Luca pulling me in his arms.

“Are you alright? I could not get away. I have been nervous all night.”

“I am feeling much better. Are you alright?”

“I admit, this is going to be difficult. But no matter what happens, I am going to marry you, Nicola. No one can change that.”

“Oh I can change that.” It’s Korine.