Masked Love

I don’t know how to approach Luca with this knowledge so I try to avoid him. He tries sending me notes but I don’t respond. Three weeks pass and I just focus on my work. With the scarf finished I start on a new cloak for myself. It adds on to the work that Korine gives me but it keeps me busy. I stay away from the kitchen and spend a lot of time in the shed with Addie. Being in the kitchen hurts. Everything that reminds me of him reminds me of the lie. Is he ashamed of me? Thoughts like this often drive me to tears. I don’t dream anymore. When I do, it’s a new nightmare. A constant repeat of the lie that stains the times we shared together.

Today is just another day without him, long and difficult. I spent it in my room with Addie. “You know you’re going to have to talk to him about this soon, right?” She puts her hand on my knee. “Nicola, look at me.” I keep my eyes on my cloak and keep counting stitches. “I have another note.”

“I don’t want to see it.”

“You can’t avoid him forever.”

“He lied to me, Adèlie. Every time he looks at me like he doesn’t know who I am, he lies to me.” I can feel the tears coming but I hold them back. I have to stop crying about this.

“You miss him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. But I can’t bear to look at him. He wants to talk to me, but it’s like he’s avoiding me. He refuses to tell me that he knows who I am. It’s cowardly.” I finally look up at her. Something is definitely wrong. “Is everything ok with you?”

“I’ve kept this secret for a while, but I think it’s time I told you.” She lifts her head and looks me in the eye. “Noé and I have been courting for the past few months. We couldn’t tell anyone because I don’t have a dowry and it’s inappropriate but I had to tell you. I hate keeping it a secret.”

“But the other night, when he said that he thought I was beautiful, you started to cry. What happened?”

“We had just fought and I thought he was getting back at me.”

“He loves you. I always knew he did.”

“And I know that Luca loves you. He wouldn’t have tried so hard to reach you if he didn’t. Now go fix yourself up and go meet him.” She hands me the note. My hands shake as I take it from her.

“Nicola. Without you my days have been long and tedious. I don’t know why you are avoiding me. I hope everything is alright. I would ask about you but I fear it would cause suspicion, and with the ball only two weeks away Korine is already beside herself. If you receive this, meet me in the stables. I just need to know you are alright.
Yours,
Luca”

Hesitantly I put the note down on my bed and walk out the door, not caring about my untied hair and plain dress. What will I say? Could I tell him that I am the girl from his past? Does he already know? He must know. Why else would he give me the time of day? I walk down familiar hallways with these thoughts racing through my head. I barely notice anything that goes on around me. I see that it is going to rain but it doesn’t seem important. My mind is set on one thing. Seeing Luca.

I have missed him this past month. He is always around and I see him with Korine. But it’s not the same. Nothing is intimate anymore and our eyes never meet. It’s as if I am just like any other servant, nothing more. Nothing he could ever care about.

As I walk outside the castle into the fields and catch sight of the stables, my heart skips a beat. I take a deep breath and walk inside. There he is. His horse saddled and ready as if he knew I would come. When he catches sight of me he smiles. It’s the most beautiful smile and I can’t help but smile back. The tears come out. “You knew I would come.”

“No I didn’t. But I hoped you would.” He points to his horse. “This is me hoping and wishing and praying you would come.” Slowly he approaches me.

“You’ve only known me for a month. I’m a servant to your future wife. I’m below you, yet you confide in me.” He grabs my hands and looks me in the eyes.

“I think I’ve known you longer than that.”

“Why did you lie to me? Why did you wait so long before you told me?”

“I didn’t think you knew what I was talking about. I was going to tell you at the ball. I was actually going to be romantic about it.” He starts to laugh and wipes the tears off my face.

“When you didn’t respond I knew you had figured it out. I didn’t think you would be so angry at me.”

“I always knew. I just didn’t know the whole truth about my past until that day. It was a lot to take in. I was angry at a lot of things. But I don’t think I’m angry anymore.”

“Good, because I’ve missed you. Now let’s go.” He gets on his horse and reaches down to pull me up.

“Luca, it’s going to rain. We will catch a chill.” Coming back to the castle soaking wet would be very hard to explain to Korine and I can’t think of any excuse. I also can’t think of any other excuse for not going.

“Please, Nikki?” Without another word I take his hand and climb on his horse. We don’t start off slow but at a full gallop out into the rain. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t feel the cold drops or the chilling wind. Somehow his equally soaked body is warming us both. We head toward the lake.

When we reach the lake, I am pleasantly surprised. I tent and a fire had been set up already, awaiting our wet arrival. “Is this more hoping and wishing and praying?” I can’t help but laugh at this and he joins me.

“Yes. What’s life without a little hope?” With that said he jumps off and helps me down. We walk hand in hand inside the tent. It is large enough for the two of us with a small but warm fire surrounded by pillows and blankets.

“How did you get all of this here?”

“Noé. Last night we both carried some things from a spare room that I found last week. I doubt they’ll be missed. When I am determined to have someone,” he pulls me closer, “I can be very romantic.” The kiss is amazing. So warm and unlike anything I have ever imagined. It is so powerful it could drive all of my nightmares away yet so gentle it could just be a dream. I keep waiting to wake up and have my old life back. But I don’t wake up. I finally have the life that I want. He breaks the kiss slowly and leads me to the couches by the fire. As I sit down, he covers me with a blanket.

“I won’t have my love getting sick.” He kisses me on the forehead and sits beside me, holding me to keep me warm. Suddenly his words hit me and I look up at him.

“Your love? You love me?”

“I always have. But I think you know that.”

“I feel the same way. I didn’t think it could be possible to fall in love with someone that I thought didn’t exist. I dreamt about you every night. And I fell more in love with a memory that I didn’t think could be real. But you are real. And you’re here.” He kisses me again.

“I’m right here and I’m not going to leave.” For a while we just sit there in each other’s arms. I fall asleep and time seems to become nonexistent. It’s a quiet dreamless sleep, but not too deep for he is able to wake me with a light shake.

“I saddled the horse and the rain cleared up. We should go, it’s getting dark. Let’s go love.” He takes me in his arms and helps me on the horse. The ride back is slow and he spends the whole time holding me tightly, whispering sweet things in my ear. Sometimes he leans down and kisses me like it’s the last thing he’ll do. However, the day is ending, and I know reality will hit us like lightning.

When the stable is in sight, we get off the horse and walk the rest of the way. I can tell he’s trying to make the moments last as long as they can, but they are still fleeting. As I walk into the stable, my arm in his, I feel like the happiest person in the world.