Memories That Fade Like Photographs

The thought of waking up haunted me. I knew I hooked up with Rian, I knew when I opened my eyes he would be right next to me, and I knew that this dirty little secret could never get out. How could I do this to Alex? He was the perfect boyfriend, he was everything anybody could want. He was so amazing and I was a skank that hooked up with one of his best friends. Fuck, I hooked up with my own best friend's boyfriend. I was suppost to go on a date with Alex today, how could I do that with all of this guilt? He would find out somehow, I knew he would. I could never let this get out, my life was perfect but now it would just get complicated. How could I even bare to look at my best friend knowing I hooked up with her boyfriend? How I look at my own boyfriend knowing I hooked up with his best friend? Why the fuck would I make such a stupid choice to do that to my best friend and my boyfriend?

"Jen, we need to get outta here." Rian whispered shaking my arm.

I opened my eyes and saw his bright, perfect teeth smiling at me. Why the fuck was he smiling at me? Did he not care that we just cheated with each other?

"Rian, last ni-" he cut me off before I could even finish my sentance.

"I know Jen. We fucked up, but it's okay. Nobody will find out, ever. I have my mouth shut and I know you do too. We'll get past this, there's nothing to worry about." he said.

He was right, we did fuck up. I guess he didn't feel as guilty as I did, but if he wasn't going to say anything then I sure as hell wasn't going to.

"We should get home, I'll call a cab." he said grabbing his shirt and shoes.

I got out of bed a grabbed my tank top, shorts, and shoes. Rian was arranging a cab to take us both home.

"They're on their way. We can go wait in the front yard." he said.

I nodded and walked out of the room. Rian followed and we looked out to see if anybody was still here. Nope. We walked downstairs and then outside.

"I'm really sorry Jen, I know you probably feel guilty about this, fuck I feel bad about it too, but it'll be okay I promise." he said pulling me into a hug.

"It wasn't just you Rian, cheating takes two. I was just as much a part of this as you were so don't blame yourself." I said hugging back.

"Here's the cab." Rian said letting me go and pointing at a yellow cab.

The cab pulled up to the curb and Rian and I got in.

"I already got the addresses, we'll be there soon." the cab driver said.

I put my seatbelt on and looked out the window until we got to my house. It didn't take long, 10 minutes maybe.

"Here's one stop." the cab driver said.

"Thank you." I told the cab driver. "And bye Rian, I'll see you tomarrow." I said getting out of the cab.

My parents' cars were still gone, not a surprise. It was actually lucky for me, if they knew what a skank their daughter was, they'd be so disappointed in me.

I walked to the door, unlocked it, and went inside. I went upstairs to get dressed and shower.

After I showered, I brushed my teeth, got dressed, put on my makeup, and blow dried my hair. I had know idea when I was suppost to meet Alex and it was already three.

Two hours later the doorbell rang. I hurried to the door and opened it. It was Alex.

"Hey babe, I missed you." Alex said.

He handed me flowers. Oh my god, I definatly did not deserve these.

"I missed you too, what are the flowers for?" I asked.

"I don't know, just wanted to let you know I cared." he said smiling.

This guilt was going to be the death of me. He was acting so perfect, if only he knew.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking I could take you to dinner, anywhere you want." he said.

"Okay, let's go to Olive Garden." I said. It was easy enough. I didn't deserve a fancy dinner or anything.

"Okay." he said smiling.

He walked over to the passenger door and opened it for me. I got in, closed the door, and put on my seatbelt. Alex walked over to his side and got in.

He drove us to Olive Garden. The car ride was pretty much silent, we talked a little bit about school and the band but that was it.

Finally, we got there. I unbuckled my seatbelt and Alex already had the car door open for me. What a gentlemen. I stepped out of Alex's car and closed the door. He grabbed my hand and we walked in.

"How many?" the woman at the desk asked.

"Two please." Alex said,

"Right this way."

Alex and I followed the woman to our table. We were seated by a window with nobody else around.

"Thank you." Alex said.

She nodded and walked away.

"So how was the wedding?" I asked. I was going to try to avoid the subject of the party. That was one subject I did not want to talk about.

"It was nice, I got to see all of my family, some old friends, it was pretty great." he said.

"Aw that's good." I replied.

"How was that party you guys went to?" he asked.

Oh shit. I was frozen, I had no idea what to say.

"Um, i-it was, it was okay. Nothing special, just some losers hanging out." I said. I tried not to stutter but I knew I did.

"Ah, so it wasn't fun?" he asked.

"Nope. You didn't miss anything interesting." I lied.

Dinner was just small talk for the rest of the night. I was so glad he didn't bring up the party again. Everytime he asked about it I felt like my heart collapsed. Lying to Alex about what Rian and I did was tearing me apart. He deserved so much more than what he had, he deserved better than me.

Alex paid for the check and we left Olive Garden. He drove me home in silence. He looked so nervous, but I didn't know why.

We pulled up to my driveway and just as I was about to get out he grabbed my arm.

"Jen, there's a reason I wanted to take you out tonight." he said nervously.

"Uh, w-why?" I asked.

"I love you, I love you so much Jennifer." he said.

Oh my god. How could this be happening to me? I didn't love Alex and I knew I didn't. I didn't want to lie to him and tell him I loved him back, but I didn't want to be a bitch more than I already was and tell him I didn't.

"I love you t-too." I said shaking.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes." I lied.

He kissed me and pulled me back into the car. We kissed for a while and it brought back thoughts of Rian. This felt wrong, Alex wasn't the person for me and I knew it. He deserved so much more. I was such a whore. I wanted him to have such a perfect life, I cared about him so much and it killed me knowing that his girlfriend was a skank.

Minutes later I got out of the car and walked inside of my house. Alex loved me. He fucking said he loved me. I felt like the worst person in the world right now. I lied to him, I knew I didn't love him. This was begining to feel like too much. I went upstairs to my room and for the first night I didn't play Alex's playlist. I got ready for bed and went straight to sleep.