Better Than Me

Riley awoke early the following morning. Andy was dead to the world and would probably remain so for a few more hours. Riley slipped out of bed, being careful not to disturb him. Scooping Ghoul into her arms, she tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs.

She set Ghoul down the instant she reached the first floor. The cat shot her an offended look and stalked off to find somewhere else to sleep. Riley padded into the kitchen. Her first aim was a cup of coffee.

Joker wandered in as she flipped the switch to start the coffeemaker. Subdued for perhaps the only time in his short life, the puppy laid down under the table and watched Riley with his mournful doggy eyes.

Riley ignored him. Her mind was elsewhere. Colin had given her today off as well as yesterday. He'd assumed she would want her schedule free so that she could be with Andy while he was around. He'd also told her that he expected a rough draft of her firsthand account of the Golden God Awards on his desk by noon, Monday.

Which would be no big deal, if I'd paid any attention to the actual awards show, she thought grimly. But Jacob popped up out of thin air and my concentration went to hell in a handbasket.

Riley sighed. It wasn't as if she was attracted to Jacob. And they hadn't exactly been friends in high school, which meant her fascination with him couldn't be blamed on the ten-year gap and her being thrilled that they'd reconnected after all this time.

Then what is it? she mused, taking a mug out of the cupboard. Why am I so...aware...of him?

He had done nothing. He hadn't worked for her attention. She had simply been attuned to him from the moment they encountered each other at the reunion. It didn't make a damn bit of sense.

Riley filled her mug with piping hot coffee. She added sugar and creamer before going into the living room. Having left her cell charging on the bedside table, Riley grabbed her rarely-used laptop from its carrying case. She situated herself on the sofa and Joker hopped up next to her, snuggling in at her side.

Riley looked at the black ball of fluff. Memories flooded into her head. She had been the one to bring the puppy home. He had been a gift for Andy. Riley had teased Andy, claiming that she'd chosen the Pomeranian because he reminded her of Andy's hair. Though Andy had tried to pretend he was apathetic to the arrival of the adorable puppy, he couldn't fool Riley--he had been in love at first sight.

Riley ruffled the puppy's oh-so-soft fur. Joker buried his face in her leg and gave a tiny doggy snort.

She heard a thump that seemed to have come from the bedroom. Frowning, she glanced toward the stairs. Joker had lifted his head, his ears perked. He obviously heard something that Riley could not, because a second later, he bounded off the sofa and scrambled for the stairs.

Riley waited. She soon heard Andy's masculine murmur and footsteps on the stairs. Joker's toenails clicked on the floor as the two of them detoured into the kitchen.

Riley listened to the familiar sounds of Andy moving around the kitchen. She smiled as Andy entered the living room, a coffee mug cradled in his hands and Joker dancing around his ankles.

"Good morning," she said, setting the laptop aside. She hadn't even turned it on. "I didn't expect you up yet."

"Jeremy called," Andy informed her. "The guys want to hit the studio today."

Riley's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"We have a song for the new album written and ready to be recorded. We're going to release it, along with two covers, on an EP in a couple of months." He shrugged. "I guess they decided they want to be productive during our break."

"Overachievers."

Andy chuckled, sinking down beside her on the sofa. "Don't worry. Jeremy said we won't be there long. He doesn't want to waste time he could be spending with Sammi. I suggested he invite her to hang out at the studio, but whatever."

"She'd be bored. You know she's A.D.D."

"True." Andy sipped his coffee. "What about you? Do you want to waste your day cooped up in the studio with us?"

"I wouldn't consider it 'wasting' my day, but I can't. I really need to get started on this article about the awards while it's all fresh on my mind."

"Overachiever," Andy teased.

"How dare you say such a thing! I've never been so offended!"

Andy laughed and leaned over to kiss her. "You're a mess." He finished his coffee and stood up. "I've gotta shower and go."

"Do you want breakfast?"

"Nah. We'll get something later."

Riley was fixing herself French toast when Andy came into the kitchen to tell her goodbye.

"I wish I could stay in bed with you all day," he murmured against her lips, holding her tightly.

"Me, too. But duty calls."

"Mmm. I'll see you this afternoon. Love you."

"Love you, too."

After another kiss, Andy left. Riley ate her solitary breakfast, then fed the animals and loaded the dishwasher.

She climbed the stairs. She intended to make the bed and do some cleaning. Her cell rang just as she stepped through the doorway of the master bedroom. The song was "Silent Lucidity" by Queenryche.

Riley froze, her heart missing a few beats. She had set that as Jacob's personalized ring tone last night.

She was paralyzed for maybe five seconds. She couldn't not answer it. In fact, she wanted to answer it.

She hurried to her bedside table and snatched up her cell. "Hello?"

"Hi," came Jacob's velvet voice. "How are you?"

Riley's skin tingled. "I'm...great. You?"

"I'm kind of lost at the moment."

"Lost?"

"Yeah. See, we were supposed to be recording today, but Steven was needed elsewhere. We're postponed until tomorrow. I'm in this strange city, all alone, and I don't know what to do with myself."

Riley giggled. "Poor baby."

Jacob heaved a dramatic sigh. "I know. It's terrible." There was a brief pause and he said "It's sooner than expected, but do you want to get together?"

"Andy and the guys are in the studio today, recording some new material."

"When will they be done?"

"I'm not sure."

"In time for dinner?"

"Um, probably."

"Why don't we all have dinner? Around six-thirty," Jacob proposed. "I'll bring Lonnie and Slash, if he's not busy."

"Okay," Riley agreed. There was a sense of relief coursing through her. She had avoided being alone with him. She didn't necessarily want to do this; however, she believed it was for the best.

"That still leaves the rest of the day," Jacob commented.

Riley's relief vanished. She knew she wouldn't say no if he asked for time with her alone prior to dinner.

"We could meet up a bit early."

Damn! Riley swore silently.

"What do you think?"

I think this is a terrible idea, she answered internally. Out loud, she said, "I'd love to! When and where?"

**********

They were at the end of the pier, side by side with their elbows resting on the wooden railing. Seagulls wheeled in the overcast sky above an ocean made restless by the wind. This promise of the storm to come had resulted in the pier being mostly deserted.

Riley glanced at Jacob. His gaze was fixed on the horizon, but she didn't think he was really seeing it. He seemed a million miles away.

Riley had called Andy the instant she'd hung up from Jacob and presented him with the idea of dinner with two members of Adler and, possibly, Slash. Andy had accepted the invitation enthusiastically. He was bringing Jeremy and Jake along.

It was now five-ten. Riley had chosen the location of this pre-dinner meeting. It wasn't far from the restaurant where they would be having dinner in an hour and twenty minutes. She and Jacob had been here for ten minutes and hadn't spoken a word, except to exchange greetings.

"Are you happy, Riley?"

After the long silence, Jacob's voice startled her. She looked over to find him watching her.

"What do you mean?" she queried.

"I mean, has your life turned out the way you wanted it to?"

Riley shrugged. "Not exactly, but I'm pretty happy with it. I have everything a person could need: a family who is unconditionally supportive, great friends, a loving boyfriend, my dream job..." she trailed off.

"Do you want more than that? Maybe for your 'loving boyfriend' to become your loving husband instead?"

"Do I want to marry Andy?" Riley frowned. "I don't know."

Jacob's disbelief was etched in every flawless feature. "Yes, you do."

"There are things that are more important than a ring and a piece of paper, Jacob. You think it's music; I think it's being happy with the person I love. We don't need a legal document to know how we feel."

"That's bullshit and you know it. And what I said last night about not being able to find someone who is willing to be second to my music, it's only half true." Jacob squinted in the wind, which was picking up. A few strands of his hair were blown across his face. "If I met the right person, I'd put her first. Music is my passion, but when I get home from a show or from spending a week out here with Adler, it'd be nice to have someone waiting for me."

Riley could hear the faintest trace of loneliness in his voice. "I have that. Why does marriage even have to enter the equation?"

"Andy can say sweet words all he wants, Riley. Marriage is his promise to be with you and only you, forever and always."

"You're old-fashioned."

"You're not that different."

"How do you know?"

Jacob faced her. His eyes captured and held hers. "Tell me you wouldn't feel more secure if he was your husband instead of just your boyfriend."

"He could leave either way. Marriage doesn't make the relationship invincible."

"But if Andy was willing to marry you, wouldn't that say a lot about how he feels? If he was ready to vow his life to you, wouldn't that convince you more effectively than anything else that you're everything to him?"

Riley couldn't respond. Jacob was right--she wasn't that different from him. Marriage did represent all of that, and more. However, that wasn't what had her paralyzed and speechless; it was the thought of Andy wanting to marry her. Did she even want that with him?

"Just out of curiosity," Jacob said, sweeping his hair out of his face. "Why are you so reluctant to entertain the idea of marrying Andy? Have y'all ever discussed it?"

Riley shook her head. "No." She peered up at a gull drifting in the wind. "And we won't. Not for a while, anyway."

"Why?"

"He's a twenty-three-year-old getting his first real taste of fame!" Riley exclaimed. "Marriage is the last thing on his mind! He's young and sexy and everyone knows his name. Guys want to be him; girls want to be with him. A girlfriend is a minor inconvenience. A wife is a pain in the ass."

"You're basically saying that being married would ruin his image."

Riley nodded. "Yeah." She looked at Jacob again, a small smile on her lips. "He's wanted this for so long. I would never make him choose. I couldn't do that to him."

"You're afraid he wouldn't choose you."

"Maybe." But that wasn't it. The reality was that she wasn't certain she would want him to choose her. I'll be damned if I'm admitting that to Jacob, though.

"How long are you going to put your future on hold for his?" Jacob questioned.

"How long are you going to put your future on hold for music?" Riley challenged.

Jacob chuckled. "Andy and I have something in common, wouldn't you say?"

"Seems like it."

"For the record," Jacob said after a short pause. "Andy's insane not to stake an indisputable claim on you. Everything I've found out about you adds up to the perfect rock star wife. He's never going to do better. And, hopefully, you're not going to wait around forever for him to figure that out."

Riley's pulse sped up and she could feel the butterflies coming to life in her stomach. She studied the darkening clouds in the sky with an interest that was faked, unable to look at Jacob.

"Sorry if that was inappropriate," he added. "But as a musician myself, I see a lot of the qualities in you that I would want in someone I was with. Musician are one hell of a handful."

Riley snorted in amusement. "Too right y'all are."

"Andy might love the image he's created for himself right now," Jacob went on. "One day, though, that's not going to matter. He's going to want someone like you, who can put up with his lifestyle, and he's going to have a hard time finding that. Unless y'all are still together, of course."

"It's just...fucking complicated."

"It is."

Riley turned to Jacob. "Let's go have an uncomplicated dinner. I'm starving."

He smiled, and she was again struck by how beautiful he was. "That's a plan I can live with."

The two of them started back to their cars. Riley was barely aware of her surroundings as she walked. Confusion had her in its grip. She loved Andy. She really did.

So why did the contemplation of a married life with him suddenly fill her with an emotion that was very much like panic?