Better Than Me

Andy, Christian, Jake, Jeremy, and Ashley left two days later, flying to Madison, Wisconsin, to resume the tour. Riley hadn't heard from Jacob since the night they'd had dinner with everyone. She assumed he'd returned to Alabama by now.

And so her life was once again where it had been before she and Corinne had gone to their class reunion. Almost.

Riley thought a lot about her conversations with Jacob. She'd been stuck in her routine, only able to see the present. It wasn't that she hadn't believed things would ever change; it was simply that she'd never even considered changing them.

But Jacob had shed some light on her situation.

Riley contemplated every aspect of her life. She asked herself repeatedly if she was really happy, or if she was too set in her ways and afraid to step out of the box she'd enclosed herself in--with Andy's help.

She had grown used to Andy. He was familiar. She did love him in a way. She just wasn't certain she loved him enough. Yes, they'd been together for a year and four months. Until recently, they'd rarely spent any time away from each other. She had moved in with him because she'd wanted to be in his presence 24/7. Nothing had been better than falling asleep in his arms, unless it was waking up the same way. Their relationship had been perfect.

Then why am I having doubts? What's different?

The answer to what was different was easy. Her. Something in Riley had been altered. She felt that she'd been enlightened. Jacob had made her think about things beyond the here and now. He had made her think about her future. He had made her realize that just because Andy was familiar and comfortable and secure at the moment didn't mean he always would be, didn't mean that he would always be the best thing for her. Jacob had made her really stop and consider what it would be like to marry Andy and be with him forever.

Do I want that?

The million dollar question. Andy probably hadn't even begun to entertain the idea of proposing to her; however, it was inevitable that one day he would. Riley needed to know the answer in advance. There was really no point in continuing the relationship if her answer was no. It wouldn't matter for now, but the instant he proposed and she said no, their relationship would die. Better to end it without adding insult to injury by rejecting him.

There were times, though, when Riley could picture it. She could imagine herself in a white dress, her dad escorting her between row after row of family and friends, and Andy waiting at the altar in a tux and a smile.

Mrs. Biersack. Mrs. Riley Gwen Biersack.

Riley could remember printing her pretend-married name on a piece of paper early in her relationship with Andy, just to see how it felt to sign that name and what it looked like in her careful handwriting. She had been like a schoolgirl with a crush in those days. The entire thing had seemed unreal. What could Andy Biersack possibly find in her that would keep him around?

"You're special, Riley," he'd stated during a midnight stroll on the beach. "With you, I don't feel famous. You remind me of who I am, not who I pretend to be."

Andy's onstage persona wasn't faked. The Andy that he showed to the fans was basically the real Andy. But there were some things that he only shared with his nearest and dearest, things that made him who he was, and Riley had been honored that he trusted her enough to reveal those things to her.

He had swept her off her feet, totally and utterly. She hadn't had a chance once he decided he wanted her. That had been perfectly fine with her. She'd wanted him the instant her gaze had rested on him in that bar all those months ago. That was why she'd approached the table and challenged him to a game of pool. She'd recognized him, of course. She'd always thought he was hot. After that game, however, she'd been hopelessly infatuated. When he'd sauntered into the bar again the next weekend, her fate was sealed. She was going to have something with Andy, lasting or not.

And we lasted. We have so much in common. We make each other laugh. We never tire of each other's company. We trust each other. He likes my friends and I like his. We've rarely fought about anything.

There was absolutely nothing wrong. On the surface.

But Riley was twenty-seven-years-old. She had a career in her field, earning more than enough to support herself. She needed a man for the emotional wealth, not the financial. Andy was twenty-three, chasing his dreams and craving fame and all that came with it.

Riley was ready to settle into something more permanent; Andy was just starting on a tenuous path that would not allow him to settle to anything for a while.

We're at a fork in the road and being drawn in opposite directions.

That was the truth. And there wasn't a damn thing either of them could do about it. Riley would never demand that Andy give up his dreams for her, and she knew that if Andy was aware of her desire to settle down, he would never ask her to put it off until he too was ready. Both of them only wanted the other to be happy.

And that's going to be what tears us to pieces.

**********

Almost three weeks had passed. Riley and Andy talked every day. Riley was also often in contact with David on Facebook. She'd even messaged Cody a time or two. However, Jacob had obviously decided that it was best to create some distance between himself and Riley. Feeling too awkward after the exchange in the kitchen when Jacob had been in L.A., Riley wasn't about to message him first and be viewed as the aggressor.

It was four o'clock on a Wednesday. Roughly an hour left of work. Riley was meeting the girls at Piper's apartment at six for drinks. She didn't want Piper, Sammi, and Corinne to know how messed up everything was, so she'd been acting exactly as she always had. She was still over at Corinne's constantly. She gossiped about the guys and never mentioned Jacob, David, or Cody. Thus far, she was pretty sure the girls hadn't noticed anything.

"Riley?" Colin appeared from the direction of his office.

Riley looked up questioningly. "Sir?"

"Relax." He smiled. "You're not in trouble." He reached her desk and held up a folder. "I wanted to tell you that I set up the interview with Myles Kennedy." Offering her the folder, he added "It's next week. Tuesday. You'll have to fly to Houston."

Riley nodded.

"And I was thinking..." Colin hesitated, studying her. "If you wanted to take the rest of the week off afterwards and visit Andy, that's fine. Just have the interview transcribed by Monday morning."

Riley smiled weakly. "That sounds wonderful. Thank you."

"I know it must be hard dating someone who's gone all the time."

"Yeah. It is."

Colin shifted a bit uncomfortably. "Okay. Well. Why don't you finish whatever you're working on and cut out a few minutes early today? I'll see you tomorrow."

Riley watched him stride back to his office. Weirdo. She sighed and tucked the folder into the bottom drawer of her desk to peruse the following day.

Her cell buzzed with a text as she was shutting the drawer. Automatically, she grabbed it and read the message without first checking the name of the sender.

"I'm in town. Can you meet me at the studio?"

Riley didn't have to see the name to know it was Jacob. Who else would be asking her that?

Biting her lip, she glanced at the clock. Four twenty-two. There was no way for her to stop in for a short visit before heading to Piper's. She wouldn't have time. Plus, a "short" visit with Jacob would probably be impossible. They always seemed to have so much to talk about.

"Damn," Riley swore under her breath.

What should I do? Ignore him and go straight to Piper's, or cancel my plans with the girls and go to the studio?

Keeping her plans with the girls meant another night of faking it, another night of pretending all was right in her world and she was perfectly content.

I can't, she realized. I need a night off from acting.

She shot an identical text to Corinne, Piper, and Sammi: "I can't make it tonight. Something came up. I'll see y'all soon. Love you."

She then asked Jacob for the studio's address. Colin had given her permission to leave; therefore, she switched off her computer, picked up her purse, and walked briskly to her car.

Riley used the GPS app on her cell to find the studio. Pulling into the mostly-empty parking lot, she texted Jacob. "I'm here."

Jacob emerged from the building in less than ten minutes. As always, his ensemble would have been more at home on a stage than anywhere else.

Riley climbed out of her car and perched on the hood, her eyes tracking Jacob's progress to her car. He stopped in front of her. They stared at each other in silence, neither of them smiling.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I should have called or at least messaged you, but..."

"I understand," Riley murmured.

"Was Andy mad?"

"I got a lecture after y'all left that night."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"About what?"

Riley fidgeted, not wanting to answer. Her actions answered for her.

"Oh," Jacob said, comprehension etching his features. "Let me guess. He wanted you to stay the hell away from me."

Riley shook her head. "No. I'm just supposed to be careful."

"Because I want you." There was more than just a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"You acted guilty in the kitchen." Riley frowned. "Did you really tell them you were going to the bathroom?"

"I did go to the bathroom. I didn't lie to get you alone, Riley."

"That's what Andy thinks happened. And some part of him believes I was in on it, too. I didn't feed the pets."

"You just needed to get away from everybody for a while."

Riley's attention was jerked back to Jacob. He was gazing at her steadily.

"How come you knew that and Andy didn't?" she wondered aloud.

Jacob shrugged. "He was starstruck. Slash and John 5 were in his living room. I'm used to them and was able to make observations about other people in the room."

"And you're not that impressed by Andy and the guys."

"It's not that. But I don't get nervous."

"That must be nice," Riley remarked.

Jacob smiled. "I've just always been that way."

There was a pause.

"Jacob," Riley said.

"What?"

"I missed you."

Jacob reached over and slid her off the hood of the car, enfolding her in his arms. Riley hugged him tightly. She didn't care what conclusions Andy had drawn. Andy had only met Jacob once. What the hell did he know?

Jacob isn't trying to seduce me, Riley said to herself. Andy is wrong.

Jacob released her first. "I have something I want you to hear."

He led the way inside, guiding Riley to the control room. There was no one else here.

"Have a seat," Jacob urged, gesturing at one of the rolling desk chairs.

Riley sank into the indicated chair.

"This is top secret," Jacob said with a slight grin. "You can't reveal to anyone that I played this for you or I'll have to kill you. This is the song that will be our first single."

Riley mimed zipping her lips. Jacob chuckled and pressed a button.

Acoustic guitar floated from unseen speakers, then Jacob's voice, low and sexy.

"Baby, I'm too young to know any better/But I guess I'm just too old to care/I'm waiting on the morning light to clear the air..."