Better Than Me

Andy was unable to get any free time until a week later. The band played a show in Reno, Nevada, on Saturday night. All five of them flew home Sunday morning. Their next show was Thursday. That definitely gave Andy and Riley plenty of time to talk.

Riley had told Andy that she wouldn't be at the airport to pick him up, so Christian and Corinne took him to his house. Andy wished he'd had his own car here--he really didn't want to discuss the topic of his and Riley's problems with anyone except Riley. He had mostly gotten his way with the latter desire.

Ashley, who was one of Andy's best friends and who loved Riley like a sister, had resolutely refused to involve himself in their "drama." He didn't want to know the details. He wasn't going to proclaim either of them right or wrong.

Jeremy, Jake, and Christian would have preferred to stay out of it. However, they couldn't help their knowledge of some of the things that had gone on. It was impossible to be oblivious when Piper, Sammi, and Corinne had all formed opinions on the situation. Corinne had originally been the only one to know everything that had happened between Andy and Riley, but somewhere along the way, the cat had been let out of the bag. Andy was surprised the story wasn't plastered all over the freakin' Internet.

Luckily, none of the guys had tried to talk to Andy about it or give him advice. He was thankful for that. It would have been terribly awkward.

Corinne, on the other hand, had put in her ten cents on the subject: "You should have trusted Riley. Apologize to her. Listen to her. Believe what she says to you. And stop being such a fuck stick."

Andy sighed, peering through the window as Christian eased to a halt in the driveway. He was actually nervous. He didn't think he'd ever been nervous around Riley before, not even in the early days of the relationship.

"See ya," he muttered, opening his door.

"Bye," Christian said. "Call me...you know...if you need anything."

Corinne rolled her eyes at how uncomfortable Christian seemed making the offer. Guys could be so stupid.

Andy picked up the one bag he'd brought back with him, shut the door, and waved. He hesitated long enough for Christian's SUV to disappear down the street. He considered having a cigarette before going in, but dismissed the idea. He couldn't put this off any longer.

He turned and walked the familiar path to the front door. It was unlocked as a result of his impending arrival. He checked the living room and found it empty.

"Riley?" he called.

The patter of tiny feet preceded Joker into the foyer. Andy dropped his bag and scooped up the puppy instead. Joker's entire body wriggled in his excitement at having his person home, making him difficult to hold on to. Andy chuckled as he was bombarded with puppy kisses.

"Where's your mom?" he said quietly.

Joker had come from the back of the house, so Andy continued down the hallway, through the laundry room, to the back door. Stepping out into the midday sun, Andy saw Riley sprawled across a deck chair. She was in a tiny bloodred bikini. There was a bottle each of water and suntan lotion next to the chair, and Ghoul was a few feet away, basking in the warmth of the sun.

Andy spied the buds in her ears. Of course she had music playing. That was why she hadn't heard him yet. He noticed that she was smiling; she looked peaceful and relaxed.

Andy didn't want to startle her. He approached the chair slowly, hoping she would notice his shadow falling over her.

She did. She lifted her head, squinting against the sunlight. Her expression became guarded and she sat up. She plucked the buds from her ears. "Hi."

"Hey."

"I'm gonna get dressed and make some lunch. Do you want anything?"

"No. I ate on the plane."

She nodded. Andy watched her bend over for the bottled water and the suntan lotion, then stride purposefully inside. He thought how strange this all was. He was home and she wasn't smiling and kissing him, wasn't flirting and teasing, wasn't dragging him upstairs or to the shower. Instead, she'd asked him if he wanted lunch.

What did I expect? he wondered. We're about to have a talk that could very well end our relationship. How could things possibly be anywhere close to normal?

Ghoul had gone to the back door and was glowering at Andy expectantly. He let the cat go in first and followed. He set Joker down as he reached the kitchen.

Andy retrieved a beer from the fridge and sank onto a chair at the table. He didn't know how to start in on all the subjects that needed to be addressed. Riley was usually pretty straightforward; maybe she would do it for him.

Riley strolled into the room, now wearing a sports bra and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. "Okay," she said. "The first thing we need to agree on is that we're both going to be totally honest."

"Deal."

Riley set about making herself a peanut butter and honey sandwich. "I know that you know I didn't come here when I left Seattle."

Andy lowered his beer.

"I was in Alabama," she said.

"With your parents?"

Riley shook her head. "With Jacob."

Andy stared at her, barely breathing. Was she about to admit to what he'd suspected all along?

"Nothing happened," Riley said, annoyed. "For fuck's sake, Andy, I've been honest with you about Jacob from square one. Or..." She frowned. "I've been honest with you about how I feel."

"What about how Jacob feels?"

"He's attracted to me. I didn't know until the day after Cori's party."

"But you still went to stay with him," Andy said, eyes narrowed.

Riley crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes. I did. He's a sweet guy and despite his feelings, he would never mess up what I have with you." She arched an eyebrow. "In case you hadn't noticed, you're doing that just fine on your own."

"Look, Riley..." Andy raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry I accused you of cheating. I didn't really believe it. I mean, I know you better than that."

"Yeah, you do."

"I couldn't help it. I couldn't figure out what it was about Lynam that made you stay that first weekend. You were sacrificing time with me to be with them. It didn't make sense. Then, you show up in Kentucky, talking about Jacob like he cured AIDS or something."

"He's an amazing person," Riley said. "I'm allowed to think other people besides you are amazing, Andy."

"I'm not saying you can't. But, for some reason, my mind jumped straight to an affair. I told myself over and over that I was wrong, that all of the things that seemed to point to you being unfaithful were just coincidences." Andy focused on his beer bottle. "When I overheard you on the phone in Seattle, I snapped. I was a fucking idiot."

"You were." Riley brought her sandwich and a Pepsi to the table, situating herself across from him. "Now, it's my turn to tell you what I was too stupid to share with you three months ago."

**********

Riley shifted on the deck chair, wincing as her lower back protested. She was wrapped in a thin blanket and had a cup of coffee cradled in her hands. The sun was just breaking free of the horizon. The dew clinging to the grass sparkled in the new light and the fog hovering above the ground began to dissipate.

She and Andy had been talking all night. Their only break had been for dinner. Andy had gone out while Riley ate at home. Other than that, they'd been together and talking.

Everything was out in the open now. Riley had recounted the conversation she'd had with Jacob on the pier word for word. She'd revealed her thought processes in the weeks following the Golden God Awards.

Andy had been shocked. He'd admitted that he'd never even given any thought to marriage. It wasn't on his list of things to do before he was thirty. Riley had been able to say truthfully that she hadn't contemplated marriage until Jacob had mentioned it.

They had moved away from the subject of marriage, delving into all of the things that would have to be solved if they were going to continue dating, let alone if they had a hope of ever getting married.

Riley had known there were little things that they'd brushed aside over the course of their relationship; however, she hadn't realized how many little things there were.

There was the time that a fan had kissed Andy at a show and he hadn't pushed her away. There was the time that Riley had forgotten her promise to have dinner with Andy and his parents and had gone instead to a H.I.M. concert with Corinne. There was the time, before they'd started sleeping together, that Andy had gotten drunk and pressured her.

And a million more things that had seemed unimportant or easy to forgive at the time, but that had been weighing on their minds since they happened.

But it all centered around the two biggest issues at hand: trust and the possibility of marriage.

Andy didn't want to get married. Not right now. Maybe not ever. He and Riley were happy as a couple. Why couldn't things just stay this way?

Riley argued that not marrying her left Andy with an escape route. He had an easy way out if he decided he was done with her. He wouldn't have to go through any legalities, he wouldn't be risking half of his stuff. He could simply walk away.

Trust was the deal breaker for Riley, though. She'd never given Andy any reason not to trust her. How could he believe for even a second that she'd cheat?

"It wasn't fair," Riley said. "The only link I have to Alabama is Cori. I'm surrounded by your friends and family 24/7. As soon as I make a friend that's not somehow connected to you, that is connected to my hometown and my past, you find a way to ruin it. I couldn't enjoy my friendship with Jacob because I was so worried about what it was doing to you."

She faced Andy, tears in her eyes. "You met him once. You didn't know anything. You jumped to a conclusion without talking to me. I don't know if you're just that jealous and possessive, or if I've done something on a previous occasion that weakened the trust enough that this broke it. It doesn't matter. This..." She took a deep breath. "This is unforgiveable."

Andy's blue eyes widened. "Riley. No. You don't mean that."

"I do. I really do."

"I love you!"

"No, you don't. If you truly loved me, you'd have come to me and asked me about Jacob, you wouldn't have let it fester until you snapped and accused me of fucking Jacob behind your back."

"We can fix this."

Riley shook her head sadly. "We can't. Andy, I'm sorry, but I'll never be able to forget what you did. Every time I talk to a guy that isn't CC, Jake, Jinxx, or Ash, I'll wonder what you're thinking, if you're going to freak out again and suspect me of cheating."

"I won't!" Andy said. "I promise."

"That's not a promise you can make! You never thought you'd doubt me, just like I never thought I'd doubt what we have. We both did things we thought we'd never do. The difference is, I was concerned about our future. My fears were all about me and you and what was going to happen to us. Your fears were all about me and Jacob and what you thought was happening between us."

"I'm sorry, Riley."

"Me, too."

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

"No." Riley managed a weak smile, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I love you, Andy, but I can't live like this."

Andy nodded.

"I'm going to go to CC and Cori's," Riley said, standing up. "I'll find an apartment and move out before the end of the tour."

Andy rose to his feet. "Rile." He grabbed her wrist.

She let him pull her into his arms. They held each other for a long time, neither of them speaking. Finally, Andy bent to give her a tender kiss and released her.

"Bye," she murmured. She walked inside, to the bedroom, and used her cell to call Cori.

"It is seven a.m., Riley," Corinne grumbled upon answering the phone. "What the fuck do you want?"

"I'm coming over," Riley said. "Um, I need a place to stay for a couple of days."

Corinne went from half-asleep to fully alert in the blink of an eye. "Is everything okay?"

"No. Not really. I'll be there in about twenty minutes."

"See you then."

Riley quickly packed her clothes, toothbrush, and laptop. She pocketed her cell and carried everything out to the car. Andy was framed in the doorway, watching her. Riley gave him a last wave and climbed behind the wheel. She reversed out of the driveway. Less than a mile down the road, she dug her cell back out and selected the person whose voice she had to hear from her list of contacts.

"Hello?"

He sounded half-asleep, yet his voice still caressed her nerves like velvet. "Hey, Jacob. I'm sorry to call so early, but I really need to talk to you..."