Better Than Me

The show was over. The band, their crew, and Riley had eaten. Now, they were at the hotel.

Everyone already had at least two roommates. Lynam had done it this way to avoid renting several rooms and making their stay even more expensive. Riley, who had booked a room this afternoon, had invited Jacob to sleep in her spare bed. That gave him--and the ones sharing a room with him--a bit of extra space. He had accepted the offer.

Riley and Jacob got off the elevator on the second floor while everyone else was continuing to the fourth floor. Riley led Jacob to her room and unlocked the door. She trudged over the threshold, a silent Jacob at her heels.

"You can have the first shower," she said.

"No. It's your room. You--"

"You actually worked tonight. I just stood around and watched hot band guys. Go shower. You probably smell."

Jacob chuckled. "Thanks." He disappeared into the bathroom, his backpack over his shoulder. He always had his backpack at shows. In it, he usually had some spare clothes. He changed out of his stage garb during load out. Tonight, the change of clothes would be used for pajamas.

Riley plopped down on her bed to wait. Despite the lateness of the hour and the events of the day, she wasn't even remotely sleepy. She was too pumped up with adrenaline.

And nerves, she admitted to herself. She and Jacob had been alone on other occasions, but there was something intimate about sharing a hotel room. Whatever. I'm overreacting. Jacob and I are friends. This is just like sharing a hotel room with Jake, CC, Jeremy, or Ash. No big deal.

Jacob was out of the shower in less than ten minutes. There wasn't a trace of eyeliner left, and his hair was damp and mildly wavy. He had on a pair of jeans and nothing else.

Riley smiled. She liked seeing him like this: relaxed and devoid of the "rock star" persona.

"Your turn," he said, dropping his backpack in the corner.

Riley went to the bathroom. She showered almost as quickly as Jacob had. She put on a tee-shirt and shorts.

Jacob had already burrowed beneath his blankets when she emerged. Riley knew he was exhausted and needed his rest since tomorrow was going to basically be a repeat of today. She cut off the lights and curled up in her own bed. However, she was wide awake and restless. She needed something to calm her down.

"Jacob?" she whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Did I just answer you?"

"Yeah. But, I mean, are you close to falling asleep?"

"Not really."

"Y'all were amazing tonight."

"Is that the conversation I'm staying up for?" Jacob asked, his tone holding a hint of amusement.

"You don't want to hear a complimentary review of the show?" Riley shot back playfully.

"Oh, always. I'm all ears."

"Well...the band has this incredibly talented guitarist and vocalist. He was the star of the show, without a doubt. Then, there's the drummer. He's not half-bad and he's so adorable. And finally, they have a bassist who is energetic and resembles a wet dream, but somehow leaves something to be desired."

"How many stars?"

"Four out of five. The bassist lost them one."

She heard Jacob's snort of laughter. "You love giving Cody a hard time, don't you?"

"No," Riley said innocently.

"Riiiiight."

"If I'd wanted to give him a hard time, I'd have invited him to spend the night in my room."

"That would have been cruel."

"Yup."

There was a pause. "Riley?"

"What?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Riley stared up at the ceiling, barely visible through the moonlight and shadows. "I don't regret it," she said finally. "But...I miss him. Or, well, I miss some things about him."

Jacob didn't respond. There were no words that would comfort her, nothing that could make her stop missing him, nothing that could cure the ache in her heart.

"There were little things he would do that always made me feel special and loved," she continued. "He let me know when he was thinking about me. He would randomly tell me he loved me, just because. We laughed all the time when we were together." She squeezed her eyes shut as tears filled them.

Jacob again remained silent.

"Do you know what I miss the most, though?"

"What's that?"

"Having someone in the bed with me," she replied. "I never slept worth a shit while he was on the road, and now it's even worse because I can't count down the days until he comes home." She sighed. "It's not cuddling or sex or any of that. I miss simply having that warmth next to me."

She heard Jacob shift and glanced over. In the dim glow supplied by the moon, she could discern him getting to his feet. He took the three steps that separated his bed from hers. The mattress sank slightly with his weight.

Riley didn't demand to know what he was doing. His action didn't deserve anything quite so dramatic. He was comforting her the only way he knew how: by giving her back something she had been missing.

As he stretched out beside her, Riley automatically inched a bit nearer. His body heat was soon steady at her back. She felt herself relax. Sensing him there seemed to soothe her restlessness and her eyelids grew heavy.

"Better?" he queried softly.

"Yeah," she murmured. "Thank you, Jacob."

"You're welcome, darlin'."

They lay in silence for a long time. Riley was drifting in and out of consciousness. Sleep wanted to claim her and yet, for some reason, she still wasn't able to just let go.

And then, in a voice barely above a whisper, Jacob began to sing:

"Don't waste your time on me/Can't you see/I'll only lie/Just to make you believe in me/Does it make you sad to know your heart you can't trust?/Don't make it so bad/I won't give up on us.

"Just say anything/Your silence is killing me/I want you to know/I'm way past sorry/You're running away, but I still feel the same/I want you to know...I'm sorry."

Riley was asleep before he'd even finished the first chorus.

**********

Riley and Jacob were awoken by an extremely rowdy David, demanding to be taken to lunch. Jacob went into the bathroom to change and Riley sat up in bed. She stretched, raked her fingers through her tousled hair, and thought for a moment.

She had slept so well. She hadn't had a single dream. She hadn't tossed and turned. Her sleep had been deep and peaceful.

Most of it stemmed from having someone in the bed with her. She hadn't been lying when she'd said she really missed having another warm body under the covers next to her. However, she couldn't help feeling that part of it could also be attributed to the fact that it was Jacob who had been sharing the space.

Damn. She frowned. Was she becoming attracted to him? She had been certain that it would never be like that for her, not with Jacob. Hadn't she thought again how wrong he was for her just last night? She could see the qualities in him that would draw a female in without being drawn in herself, right?

Then, Corinne's words came back to her: "I don't want you to miss a chance at something great because of guilt or some twisted sense of obligation to Andy's feelings."

There was nothing wrong with finding someone new. She and Andy were over. She couldn't fathom any circumstance that would magically fix their relationship and bring them back together. Andy was going to reach the same conclusion and he would waste no time in diving back into the dating game, or in venturing off on the "Ashley route." Why should Riley hesitate to do the same thing?

Again, Riley heard Corinne in her head. "You think it would be cruel to show interest in Jacob while the wounds inflicted upon both you and Andy are still so fresh."

It would be fucking twisted to hook up with the guy who had caused Andy so much worry and stress. Andy had believed Riley was messing around with Jacob; Riley had promised him repeatedly that there was nothing between her and Jacob. How would it look if she turned to Jacob now?

I was telling the truth, she said to herself. There wasn't anything between me and Jacob at the time. I viewed Jacob as nothing but a friend and that never changed while Andy and I were together. Now, I'm single and--

And Jacob would be a rebound, a voice in the back of her mind interrupted.

That would be cruel. No matter how she might feel about him, Riley couldn't do that to Jacob. He had been so kind and patient and understanding. He had been a true friend. He had handled his attraction to her without letting it interfere with the friendship. It would be wrong to use that attraction to make herself feel better. She would only break his heart and ruin their friendship.

The bathroom door opened. Jacob emerged in black jeans and a black shirt emblazoned with the word "Samhain" in white letters. His hair was in carefully-styled disarray, minus his usual bandanna. He was also missing eyeliner. Still, he looked amazing.

"You'd better get ready," he said upon discovering that she hadn't moved. "David isn't known for his patience."

Riley traipsed to the bathroom. She put on a tee-shirt and a pair of short shorts. Her hair was in its usual messy bun. She actually applied a hint of makeup so that she wouldn't look like a total slob in comparison to Jacob.

The two of them made it to the lobby just in time--David had been about to come back to the room and force them to get their asses in gear.

"I was almost convinced y'all had decided to have a quick fuck before lunch," he remarked as he pushed through the door, out onto the sidewalk.

Jacob and Riley exchanged a brief glance. Riley looked away first. She ran at David and jumped on his back. "You're such a perv!"

David reached back, gripping her thighs to support her weight. "We should do this again after lunch, only the other way around. And naked."

Riley ruffled his hair. "No, thanks. You can imagine that while you play with yourself, though."

Cody and Jacob chuckled.

"Suck my dick, you whore," David said, grinning at her over his shoulder.

"Where are we going for lunch?" she questioned, changing the subject.

Cody gestured vaguely at the cluster of buildings they were approaching. "There's a place right up here that overlooks the water and has delicious waffles."

"And a hot waitress," David added slyly.

Cody smirked.

Riley rolled her eyes. "God, Cody, are there going to be any women left on this island that you haven't fucked?"

"Uh, yeah," David said. "The ugly ones. Duh."

Riley twisted enough to see Jacob. "Hey, I hate your band mates."

Jacob grinned. "Hey, me too."

"Saint Jacob," Cody grumbled.

They reached the quaint diner and were shown to a table positioned directly in front of an expansive picture window, offering a view of the water and, in the distance, the mainland.

Riley and the guys chatted easily during their meal. Riley was reminded again how peaceful it was to be in their company, how at home she felt.

"You should come back to Alabama with us," David commented as they were filing out of the diner. "We're not playing a show tomorrow night and we could all just hang out."

"I don't know," Riley said. "I have a lot of shit to deal with in L.A."

"Nothing that can't wait." David's jaw had that stubborn set to it, meaning Riley was about to have to endure an endless stream of his persuasion tactics. Or she could just give in now.

"I think you need a break from L.A.," Cody piped up.

"I've had a break from L.A.," Riley said bitterly. "That's part of what got me into this mess."

Jacob looked at her. There was an argument written all over his face, yet he remained silent.

"Your trips to Alabama were the reason you and Andy split?" David inquired, surprised.

"No. They were just the reason that Andy suspected me of sleeping with Jacob."

David and Cody both glanced at Jacob.

Jacob frowned. "Tell them the rest, Riley."

"What? That the fact that you were in L.A. all of the time only intensified his suspicion?" Riley snapped.

"No," Jacob said calmly. "Tell them how Andy never intended to marry you. Tell them how he wanted everything to stay the same and never fucking cared enough to ask you what you really wanted out of life."

"That's not fair!" Riley exclaimed. "Hell, Jacob, I didn't know what I really wanted out of life--"

"Until I asked you," Jacob finished for her.

They had stopped walking and were staring at each other with only a couple of feet between them. David and Cody were a short distance away, watching silently.

"That's not even the point," Riley said.

"It is the point," Jacob disputed. "The point is that you're older now and have to grow up and Andy never wants to grow up. Oh, and he doesn't trust you."

Riley was shocked. Jacob had been so gentle with her since hearing about the breakup. He had been so careful, treating her like something fragile. Now, he was being harsh. It was as if he'd been holding all of this back and could no longer keep it in.

"Is that supposed to convince me to come to Alabama?" Riley said eventually.

"Do what you want," Jacob muttered. He stalked off in the direction of the hotel.

Riley almost chased him. But she stopped herself. She'd always chased Andy when he'd been upset and it hadn't fixed a damn thing in the end.

"I need to be alone for a while," she said to David and Cody.

Wordlessly, they both nodded. Riley headed away from the hotel, following the path that led down to the dock. She had to clear her head and think. The choice of whether or not to go to Alabama with Lynam was a big one. She knew, after her earlier thoughts, what was at stake. She knew that if she went back to Alabama, she would explore her feelings for Jacob and screw the consequences.