Better Than Me

Riley left the office early the day of the Black Veil Brides show. She didn't need the extra time for hair or makeup or any of that; she needed it in order to mentally prepare herself for seeing Andy again.

After only half an hour of pacing around the house, unable to settle to anything, Riley called Corinne. It was another hour before Corinne arrived. She'd picked up Riley's favorite dish from the Chinese restaurant, knowing that if she didn't bring food, Riley wouldn't eat.

"Kitchen," Corinne said as soon as she walked through the door.

Riley obediently marched into the spacious room and sat at the table. Corinne bustled around, putting the food onto a plate and fixing Riley a glass of sweet tea. She set the meal in front of Riley, then took the chair across from her.

"Eat," Corinne ordered in a no-nonsense tone.

"I'm not hungry," Riley muttered, but she speared a piece of chicken with her fork and lifted it to her mouth.

"It's going to be okay, you know," Corinne said.

"I know. I'm just scared."

"Scared that this will end it for good, or scared that he'll convince you to stay?"

Riley frowned. "I don't really like either option."

"You said you wanted closure."

"I did. I do. But every since I talked to him, I've been thinking..."

"Memories?" Corinne guessed.

Riley nodded, chewing another bite of chicken. "I'm constantly reliving the last year and a half." She swallowed and sipped her sweet tea. "And it's all good. There are very few fights or periods of unhappiness. Andy and I were pretty great together."

"But?"

"But...remembering how perfect things were only makes the fact that he quit trusting me so easily, and the fact that marriage never crossed his mind, that much harder to stomach." Riley set her fork down. "We were so happy, so in love. I thought we were invincible, immune to all of those problems that other couples have. He proved me wrong."

"He probably thought the same thing," Corinne said reasonably. "He proved himself wrong, too."

"And, of course, there's Jacob," Riley murmured, shifting slightly and biting her lip.

"Yeah. He definitely factors into the situation."

"He's...amazing. He's smart and funny and talented and sexy as hell. He makes me feel beautiful and fascinating."

Corinne smiled. "That's always addictive."

Riley toyed with her fork for a couple of seconds, wondering if she should tell Corinne about last Tuesday. Corinne knew that Jacob had visited Riley at work and taken her to lunch, but she didn't know about what had happened at the studio.

"Riley?" Corinne's eyes were narrowed suspiciously. "What is it?"

Damn. Corinne had always been able to read her entirely too well. That was why Riley had never kept anything from her--she couldn't.

"There's something you don't know," Riley said, focused on her plate. "After we went to lunch last week, Jacob and I..."

Corinne's eyebrows raised. "You had sex with him?"

"No. We just, um, fooled around. I now have first-hand knowledge of exactly how limber his fingers are."

"Oh."

Riley dared a glance at her best friend and was mildly surprised to find Corinne smirking. "It kinda complicates matters."

"Nah," Corinne disputed. "It doesn't complicate anything. You're going to do what you're going to do, regardless. If Andy proves that he deserves another chance, you'll give him one. If he doesn't, or if you simply like Jacob more, you're not going to give him one. Simple."

"Would you give him another chance?" Riley asked. "I mean, what if it was CC and he'd done the things to you that Andy's done to me?"

"Probably not," Corinne replied. "Especially if I had a really sweet, sexy, amazing guy offering to help mend my broken heart." She sighed. "Riley, there are people who don't deserve second chances. I know you love Andy, but he might be one of those people."

"You want me to be with Jacob."

"I want you to be happy."

Riley met Corinne's eyes. "I know you're trying not to sway my decision, and I appreciate that. But I have a question and I want you to answer it honestly."

"Okay."

"Should I forgive Andy...and forget Jacob?"

Corinne hesitated. She was quiet for a while, giving this the consideration it deserved. Riley ate more chicken while waiting. Finally, Corinne spoke.

"I love Andy. He's a nice guy. When y'all started dating, I was ecstatic. I had never seen you more happy than you were with him. On the other hand, there's been a change in you since the class reunion. Jacob's been good for you, in a different way than Andy. Maybe you need Jacob more than Andy right now. I'd hate for Andy to interfere in something that could be as good, if not better, for you." She looked at Riley and said frankly, "Andy had his chance. He fucked up. Don't throw Jacob away for empty apologies and promises."

"You think Andy's going to say he wants to marry me, don't you?"

"I think Andy's going to say whatever it is that he believes you want to hear."

Riley recalled Jacob's angry words: "You know what he has to say!...What? Maybe this time it'll be good enough?"

Corinne and Jacob were both right. Andy was going to swear that he trusted her, that he'd overreacted to her friendship with Jacob, that he was an idiot, that he loved her and wanted to marry her one day. The problem was that the part of Riley that still loved Andy--and it was a very big part of her--wanted him to be sincere. She wanted him to mean everything he said to her.

Riley drained her glass of tea and stood up. "I'm going to get dressed. Do you want to ride together?"

"Sure," Corinne agreed.

"Alright. I shouldn't be more than forty-five minutes."

**********

There was already a line outside the venue, a long stretch of black-clad individuals, mostly teenage girls, who were chatting excitedly. Anxiety was a practically tangible emotion on the evening air.

Riley was also suffering from anxiety, for an entirely different reason, of course. So much rested on this conversation with Andy. This was one of those potentially life-altering moments, a moment she would look back on in the future and either be thankful for her choices or hate herself for what she'd done and forever wish she could change it.

"Breathe, Riley," Corinne said as she parked Christian's SUV in the fenced-off lot behind the building. "If you're unconscious, you won't hear anything Andy has to say."

Riley cracked a small smile, unfastening her seatbelt. "That might be a good thing."

The girls climbed from the SUV and walked briskly to the nearest door. A member of security was only a few feet from the door. He caught sight of the laminate each girl had hooked to her top and merely nodded to them.

"RILEY!!!!"

Pounding footsteps preceded the appearance of Christian, Jake, Piper, and Sammi. Riley let out a squeal of protest as she was seized by all four of them simultaneously. It was a miracle nobody ended up on the floor.

"We have missed you!" Jake yelled.

"Jake and I have," Christian amended. "Piper and Sammi have seen you. Obviously, you love them more than us." He pouted playfully.

Riley rolled her eyes and gave him an extra hug.

"Hey, guys, we're--" Andy broke off, stopping short in mid-stride and staring at Riley. "Hey, Riles," he said quietly.

"Hey, Andy," she said, just as quietly.

Their awkwardness was like a blanket descending on the group. The others shifted uncomfortably, exchanging glances.

"We've gotta get ready," Andy said eventually, tearing his gaze from Riley. "The opening act had to cancel. Apparently, their guitarist broke his arm about an hour ago and they're still at the hospital."

"Shit," Jake swore.

Andy shrugged. "Eh, starting earlier means we finish earlier."

"Who was the opening act?" Riley asked Sammi.

"Some local band. Umm...Flawless Imperfection?"

"Nice band name."

An hour and a half later, the guys were ready to take the stage. Riley, Sammi, Piper, and Corinne were going to watch from the right wing, though Riley wasn't sure how attentive she would be. She had wanted to get this talk over with and instead, she was going to have to endure her butterflies for at least two more hours.

Riley signed in to Facebook on her cell. Sammi, Piper, and Corinne were shouting the words to "New Religion." Only Corinne seemed to notice what Riley was doing. Riley thought how odd it was that she'd had to hide her online interactions with Jacob from Corinne almost six months ago and now, Corinne approved of it.

Riley scrolled aimlessly through her News Feed. She "liked" one of the pictures Lynam had shared of Jacob, David, and Cody dolled up and about to hit the stage. All three of them looked good, but Jacob literally stole her breath. The man was just too gorgeous.

David had posted a video on her Timeline. It mostly featured Cody in the lobby of their hotel in Ohio, clad only in his underwear, though at the end, Jacob emerged from the elevator, also in nothing but his undies. Riley giggled.

She signed out, wishing there was more to distract her. She couldn't stand here and watch Andy perform as if everything was normal. She groaned. God, what she wouldn't give to hear Jacob's voice at this very second.

And I can. Duh! She moved deeper into the backstage area, away from the deafening noise. She browsed her iTunes library and selected Lynam's Bling! Bling!. On the track list, she chose number ten, "Left for Dead."

"When you said to me you'd never go away/When you said to me you'd never loved this way/Did you think that I would turn my back on you?/You live your own life, I won't tell you what to do.

"Why did you go away?/Run away?/I'm left for dead/Why did you go?/Made me lose my mind/You couldn't stand to be with me/You never even tried..."

Riley felt some of the tension draining from her muscles. The butterflies in her stomach lessened slightly. She sank onto a fold-out chair that had been placed next to an exit and closed her eyes. It used to be Andy's voice that gave her this peace.

Riley stayed there, listening to Lynam, until the end of the show. She stashed her cell in her back pocket as Andy, Jake, Jeremy, Ashley, and Christian jogged into sight, followed by Sammi, Piper, and Corinne. The guys were sweaty and exuberant and high on adrenaline. Riley smiled faintly. How many times had she seen them like this?

Andy spotted her and his grin slid off his face. He broke away from the other guys and approached her. "Let me change, then we'll talk. You can go on to the bus, if you want."

Riley shoved through the exit into the back lot. She passed Christian's SUV on the way to the bus. She had the brief urge to hotwire the SUV and make her escape.

The bus was unlocked. Riley ascended the steps and flopped down on the miniscule couch behind the driver's seat.

Andy joined her in less than ten minutes. He'd simply shed his vest and changed pants. He had a towel in his hands, which he was using to wipe away the last of his makeup as he mounted the bus steps.

"Do you want something to drink?" he inquired, bending to get himself a bottled water out of the mini-refrigerator.

"No, thanks."

Andy sat at the table, twisting the cap off his water. "I'm glad you came."

"I didn't have much choice."

"Yeah, you did."

Riley's jaw clenched. "There are things left unsaid between us. We're here to say them."

"It's interesting to know that you have something you need to say to me."

"You're testing my patience, Andy. You were the one who said you absolutely had to talk to me, that it was important, so fucking talk."

"I want to begin by being totally honest with you."

Riley frowned. This was reminiscent of the day they'd broken up.

"I've slept with a few girls in the past month or so," Andy admitted.

"Wow. You mean sex is what helps you get over an ex?" Riley said sarcastically.

"I haven't gotten over you. Not even close." Andy's pure blue eyes studied her face and she had to look away. "Are you over me?"

"No."

Relief brought a smile to Andy's lips. "Riley, baby, I love you. And I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I was a fool. I don't think I ever really stopped trusting you, I was just paranoid because you're so beautiful and wonderful and I feel like every guy in the world wants you."

"You did stop trusting me. You flat-out accused me of fucking Jacob."

"I'm sorry."

Riley looked at him. His expression was pleading. He wanted her to understand, to tell him it was all okay and that he was forgiven.

"And I should have been more sensitive to the age difference," he said. "I should have realized marriage was going to come up at some point. I shouldn't have acted like we were just playing house."

Cori is good, Riley thought. He's doing exactly what she predicted he'd do.

"Riley," Andy said, and she focused on him again. "I love you. I can picture myself spending the rest of my life with you. One day, we'll be at the altar, exchanging vows. But...just because I'm not ready for marriage yet doesn't mean I don't need you by my side."

"While we were apart," Riley said. "I could barely even think of being with someone else. Even entertaining the notion made me feel guilty, considering that one of the causes of our breakup was you believing that I'd cheated." She shook her head. "Cori told me that you wouldn't have the same qualms, that you would fuck someone else. I think there's a side to you that she sees that I've always preferred to ignore."

She leaned forward, her elbows resting on her knees, her hands clasped. "You don't want to get married. You want me at your side, but you also want to leave your options open. If you decide you want out, you can just walk out. No legal bullshit. You lost trust in me in the blink of an eye. You swear now that you didn't, but you did. You accused me of cheating. I find it ironic that you were the one who dove into a stranger as soon as we broke up."

"You're going to sit there and tell me you didn't do anything with anybody while we were separated?" Andy queried disbelievingly.

"I kissed someone," Riley said honestly. "And felt so terrible about it that I could barely do it again. We've discussed a possible relationship. Oh, and he fingered me a week ago."

Andy's eyes darkened with anger. "Who was it?"

"Does it matter? We weren't together."

"Riley--"

"No, Andy. I'm done." Riley got to her feet. "I love you and I always will, but no one is worth this. I'm sorry."

"That's bullshit! How can you just throw it away?"

Riley paused at the top of the steps. "You apologized and claimed you trusted me, Andy. But Cori told me you asked her if I'd messed around with Jacob while we were together. Even when you were plotting the way to get me back, you still had doubts. I will not stay with someone who doubts me."

And with that, she walked off the bus, slamming the door behind her.