But I Swear to God I'm Gonna Change the World

Leslie came and picked all of us up from Vic's house. Mike came too, along with his lady friend that stayed at the house last night. I bet they fucked. Anyway, I changed into a pair of Vic's skinny jeans and I left my batman shirt on, he wears girl pants so they fit perfectly. I put on a little eyeliner that I borrowed from Leslie. Vic wore skinny jeans and a black T-shirt. He kept his hair pulled back with his beanie on, the way I like it. Jaime spiked his hair up. We all got ready and crammed into her car.

Leslie lives way out in the country, about two or three hours away. We were all cramped in her car until we got to her house. By the time we got there, the house was full of underage people dancing and doing stupid shit. There were people outside in the pool, people making out on the couch, there was even a guy running around in a gumby suit. Someone handed me a red cup full of a clear liquid. I smelled it. It was some sort of alcohol. I shrugged and took a drink anyway. When I turned around, the only person behind me was Vic. I guess the other guys got pulled out into the huge crowd and were now dancing with some slutty girls. Vic had his own cup full of the mystery liquid. I'm really awkward. I don't really know what to do at parties. I'm not the party type. I don't like to hook up for one night and then never talk to the guy again because I don't even know his first name. I looked at Vic and made a face.

"I don't know about this. You know I'm not a party person," I said loudly, raising my voice over the music. Some rap song was playing. It made me want to throw up.
"Then why did you agree to come?" he yelled back.
"because I don't know okay. Go have some fun. I'm gonna get another drink." I went to find the drinks. Someone handed me another cup. I took a drink. It was something completely different than the first one. Whatever. I took my phone out of my pocket and texted my dad. 'Hey Dad, if anyone asks, I'm okay. I left for a while and I don't know when I'm coming back. Mom is crazy.' I walked around for a while until I found somewhere to sit down.
After a few hours and a lot to drink, my head began to spin. I had multiple guys try to flirt with me and I would tell them to fuck off.

"Hey pretty lady." I heard a guy say. I turned around ready to smack someone, but it was Vic.
"Hey Vic," I said back. Everything was slurred. Sounds, movements.
"Do you feel bett-" I cut him off... With my lips. It felt.. right. Like his lips were made for mine. Maybe it was just whatever I had drank, but tonight was just as good as any other time. We separated and he pulled me back in for more.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered in my ear. "I love you so much," he whispered. What happened after that was all a blur.

The next morning I woke up, and I was laying on the couch, on top of Vic.. I mean, we both had our clothes on still so I don't think we went too far, but I was just laying on him with my head on his chest. I had a killer headache. Just as I got up, he woke up.
"Woah, what happened last night? Did we... do anything? Well besides what I remember? Oh shit, I'm so sorry," he said getting up.
"No.. I mean I don't think we did. We still have our clothes on.." I said. Mike was passed out on the chair. Jaime was on the floor. I could see Tony's shoe sticking out of the kitchen doorway. We went around and got them up. We were all hungover. I felt like dying.
"We need to head back, fuckers. It's almost four o'clock and My parents are gonna be home later tonight" Vic said.
"I thought it was for the weekend?" I asked him, helping Tony up.
"Well almost, okay. You can still stay over again, if you want to."
"Okay. I will," I said. We got Leslie up and she agreed to take us home, well to Vic's house. Jaime walked in.

"We heading home?" he asked. I nodded and we all walked out to her car. On the way back home, it was quiet. When we finally got back to Vic and Mike's house, Leslie left and Jaime and Tony went back home. We sat on the couch. I decided to bring up last night. We can't just ignore the fact that we made out all night last night and then I passed out on top of him.
"Bro! About last night-" I started and he cut me off.
"Nah, forget about it. We were drunk. It didn't mean anything," he said.
"Oh.." I looked down. "Yeah. It uh- it didn't mean anything. Yeah." He was just drunk, he didn't mean what he said. He doesn't really love me.. he doesn't think I'm beautiful.. Tears were starting to form in my eyes. God, please, no. Not here. Not right now.
"I'll be back. I'm gonna go get some stuff from my house. See ya." Yeah right. I'm not going back home. I waved bye to him.

I walked outside and walked to Jaime's house. I knocked on the door. Tears were streaming down my face. I had been thinking about Vic and I for a really long time, and lately he's all that's on my mind. I thought maybe even though he was drunk, he might've been saying something that's been on his mind too. They say alcohol is like a truth serum right? Apparently not. He even said. It didn't mean anything. Jaime answered the door. As soon as he saw the tears on my face he got a concerned look on his face.
"Selene? What's wrong? Come here." he opened his arms for a hug and I followed his gesture. We walked over to the couch so I could explain to him what's wrong.
"It's okay. Take your time," he said reassuring me.
"Okay I think I'm ready, but you have to promise me you won't tell anyone and you won't laugh or judge. Promise?" I stuck out my pinky finger.
"I promise." he pit his pinky with mine.

"Okay.. I'll just tell you everything. I am in love with Vic. At first, I thought it was a little crush. It developed a few years ago when we first started to be friends. But lately, he's been all I can think about. He comforted me that night, held me in his arms. In that moment, I realized this is not just a crush. I am in love with him and it's not going away any time soon. At the party last night, we were both drinking a lot of who knows what kind of alcohol and I kissed him. He didn't pull back, he actually pulled me back to him when we pulled apart. He said I was beautiful. He said he loved me, and we made out basically all night. This morning I woke up on him. We didn't do anything, but whatever. When you guys left the house when we got back, I mentioned something about it, because we can't just ignore what he said and he said it didn't mean anything. He said to forget about it. But I can't. And the worst part is, he's my bestfriend. I can't be in love with my bestfriend. That's not supposed to happen. I just don't know what to do with these emotions. I can't just push them to the back of my brain and wait for them to go away,, because they won't. I mean look at this," I said and pulled up the sleeves of that batman shirt to reveal scars. There were no fresh cuts. Just scars. He covered his mouth.

"They're scars right? No fresh cuts? That's because whenever I feel sad, Vic tells me how I don't deserve whatever I'm going through. He doesn't know about the scars. Now, I'm in love with him and I don't fucking know what to do I thought he might have actually been telling the truth last night but he said his self it didn't mean anything help." I fell onto his shoulder.

"Tell him," he said.
"No! I can't. I mean I know exactly why I should, but I don't think I could bring myself to it." I started crying again.
"Selene. Tell him. Tonight, before his parents get home, when you're home alone. Tell him."
"Okay.. I'll tell him tonight. I promise. Thank you so much. hey could you give me a ride to my house so I can pick up some stuff? That's where I said I was going."
"Yes i will. Come on." he said and motioned me to the door.