Chasing Cars

I didn't know what to say, how to feel or what to feel for that matter. I had never experienced anything like this before in any relationship; sure, I've dated a couple guys, but nothing ever compared to this. I was just a small-town girl from Maine who moved to a big city only days after she graduated high school. I needed to get away and experience new things, meet new people and see if I could survive in a big city, such as Pittsburgh, PA. Luckily, I have and it's been six long years since I left; I've have gone back maybe a handful of times, but that's it. My parents have visited a handful times as well; they love it here; they instantly understood why I moved here and were so happy for me. Back to this moment, I'm standing in front of the mirror on my bedroom door staring at my reflection. I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt, my hair is straight and lifeless as it goes down to the middle of my back. I don't have make-up on and I'm not smiling. It's a rainy day and I'm waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up, so we can spend the day at his huge house that is only partly used due to his schedule and his laziness; can't forget his laziness. I wanted to drive over, but he insisted, so I didn't argue with him. About ten minutes later, I heard him at the door and actually smiled as I went to answer it. I opened the door still smiling as I wrapped my arms around him, even more so as he did the same.

"Hey babe."

"Hey James."

"How've you been?" he asked pulling apart.

"Okay."

"Why okay?"

I shrugged.

"Feeling homesick, I guess."

It was true even if it wasn't the complete truth. I wanna tell him, but I'm not ready to. If I had more time, I'd go back and visit as much as I can, but I can't. Not to mention, my job is emotionally and physically exhausting; I work as a nurse at Allegheny General and some days are longer than others. He gave me a look and nodded.

"So, you ready to go?"

"Yeah. Just let me grab my hoodie and my purse."

Once I did, we were out the door and on our way to his house. After taking off the hoodie and my shoes, I gravitated toward his couch and waited for his company; I got comfortable instantly.

"Comfy?" he asked sitting beside me.

"Yes. I love your couch."

"Good to know." he said kissing me.

"You wanna know something?"

"Yep."

"Your bed's more comfortable, but the most comfortable place is in your arms." I say not looking up at him.

He smiled that smile I love and wrapped his arms around me once again.

"I love you." he said.

"I love you too." I said getting a little teary.

"Why are you crying?" he asked brushing the hair out of my face.

"I don't know. I've been going through an array of emotions for the past couple weeks. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You don't need to apologize."

I nodded and laid my head in the crook of his neck. A few minutes later, my phone rang, nearly scaring the shit out of me. I looked at the screen and saw that it was my ex, Mark. I didn't know whether or not I should answer it. We met six months after I moved to Pittsburgh.
We dated for a year and broke up only a week after our anniversary and let me tell you, that wasn't pretty.

It was a Saturday afternoon and I decided to meet up with Mark; I wanted to break up with him. He had been extremely clingy for the past month, calling me as much as he could. I loved him. I really did, but I couldn't take it any longer. I need my space and I hadn't been getting much at all; it was enough to drive me crazy.

"Hey Lena."

"Hey Mark."

We met outside on a bench; I didn't want a scene in case there would be one.

"Look, I need to tell you something..."

"What is it?"

"I don't think I can take being with you any longer."

"Why?"

He wasn't angry. Good sign.

"You've been so clingy for the past month and I just can't take it any longer. I can't breathe."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No. I'm not. You haven't noticed how much you've been calling me? It isn't healthy."

"Not healthy? Not healthy?! So, I call you a lot...so what? I love you!"

"You gotta give a woman some space! Give me a break. I don't know why you don't fucking understand that!"

I was beyond angry and so was he.

"I love you." he said beginning to get teary.

Wow. From one emotion to the next...like that.

"I don't. I've fucking had it."

"Lena..."

That's when he began pulling on my arm as I was walking away.

"Let go!"

"No!"

I managed to pull his hand off my arm after a few seconds.

"Come on!"

I slapped him.

"Bye Mark." I said walking away and not looking back.

Tears began to roll down my face and I didn't know why. I was happy we were done, wasn't I? Maybe it was because he was my first love in Pittsburgh, my first since my boyfriend during my first two years of high school. Since then, I dated a few guys, but nothing too serious. I decided to spend more time on me, on my career. I didn't even feel like dating when I met James while I was eating lunch, but...

"Lena?"

"Yeah?"

"You gonna answer the phone?"

"Oh...yeah. Sorry about that."

"Who is it?"

I held up a finger and answered the phone, getting up off the couch and walking into his kitchen.

"Hello?"

"Lena? How are you?"

"Good. Why?"

"I miss you."

"Mark..."

"Please listen to me. Can we talk?"

"No. I don't ever wanna see you again, and anyway, I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate it."

"Boyfriend? You moved on after me?!"

"Of course I did. After going a few dates with a few guys and then focusing on my career for about three years or so, I found someone. So, will you leave me the fuck alone?!"

By this time, James was standing behind me.

"Mark?" he whispered.

I nodded.

He knew all too well about him.

"No, I will not. We're gonna talk and we're gonna do it today!"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed into the phone, beginning to get teary for the second time today.

"Lena, let me talk to him."

"No."

"I can get rid of him."

After a moment of hesitation, I handed him the phone.

"Mark?"

"Who's this?"

"Who the fuck you think it is? I'm her boyfriend!"

"Oh, is that right?"

"Yeah, you fucking prick. This'll be the last time you're gonna call her 'cause trust me, if you don't, I'll be all too willing to kick your sorry, little ass."

He then hung up and wiped my tears.

"Why after three years did he call me? I don't fucking understand. I told you how he was. I just don't understand!" I yelled wanting to hit something.

"Lena."

I shook my head.

"Baby, look at me." he said taking a hold of my arms.

I did.

"Calm down. It doesn't matter. He's gone and I can pretty much guarantee that you won't hear from him again."

"Watch. He'll show up when you're not around."

"Will you please stop and listen to me?"

"Ok. Sorry I'm crazy."

"You say you're sorry too often, you know that?"

I smiled and laughed.

"I do. I do."

I then proceeded to stand on my tippy toes and kissed him.

"I love you." he whispered.

"I love you too."

"I'm never gonna let anyone hurt you. You gotta remember that, ok?"

"Ok."

"So, what do you wanna do today?"

"I don't know." I said into his chest.

He laughed.

"Shut up."

He laughed even harder.

"What did I just get done telling you?"

He stopped and just smiled at me. I shook my head and walked over to the couch.

"How about you decide?" I said with a smirk.

"Ok. How about we order some Chinese and..." he said before laying on top of me and kissing me.

"And..." I said giggling.

"Bedroom?"

"I like that."

"You do?"

"Of course I do." I say as his lips lightly caressed my neck.

"Let's get on that then and let's get on that later."

I laughed.

Within five minutes, we had ordered Chinese and were waiting quite comfortably and slightly impatiently for it. Once it did, I was a little too...grabby.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Yes." I said finally getting a hold of my lunch and my plate.

"This is good." he said moments later.

"It is. Thank you." I said kissing his cheek.

After eating, I waited as James threw away the garbage and once he came back, he picked me up and we headed to the bedroom; I giggled the whole way there.

"We're not going to wait thirty minutes?" I asked laughing.

"Hell no. I want you now."

"Fine with me." I said tugging on the bottom of his shirt.

He smirked and quickly removed my shirt.

"Someone's eager." I said pulling off his shirt.

"You mean horny, right?"

"Yeah. That's what I meant."

I reattached my lips to his and began unbuttoning his pants as began unbuttoning mine. After a moment, we got up and finishing undressing. My heart pounded so much as I looked at him even though we weren't having sex yet.

"Are you ready?" he asked throwing me onto the bed.

"Uh...yeah. Let's go!"

After grabbing a condom, we were certainly on our way. This wasn't our first time; oh goodness no. I waited maybe four-and-a-half, five months to have sex when I was with Mark, but with James, it was only a couple months in. I was a virgin when I met Mark; I planned on waiting till we got more serious, when we were a legitimate couple and that's when it happened, when it was supposed to. I connected with James almost instantly and became close fast. Not to mention, we fell in love with each other in only three months. Sex with James is just amazing, like it is now. I've never felt anything like that in my life.

"I love you." I said rolling over to his side.

"I love you too. You are amazing."

"So are you."

I was feeling fantastic now. Although this day has barely begun, it's been one of the greatest I've ever had.

"I have a question." he asked.

"Shoot." I said looking up at him.

"When you said you were feeling homesick when I picked you up, that wasn't the truth, was it?"

"Partially. Lately, I've been thinking about this relationship. It's crazy. I love it. It just scared me a little, I guess."

"Why?"

"I think it's because I was never this close to whatshisface. It's scary. I'm sorry if I worried you."

"It's okay. Now that I know, I feel so much better. I'm so glad you're okay, just a little scared."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it." he said kissing me on the lips.

Knowing that he knows how I feel and understand, I am beyond relieved. I can't wait to see where this relationship goes next.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?