Confetti
Firsts
The lights grew thicker unheeded,
For silent and still were we;
Our hearts were drunk with a beauty
Our eyes could never see.
Extract from 'The Unknown God' by George W. Russell
***
The first time I saw her, I couldn't stop staring. It was rude, I know, but I couldn't help it. It was that porcelain smile; so fragile and beautiful. As soon as I saw it, I wanted to see it again. It was addictive.
My sister finally introduced us, led her through the crowded room until we were standing in front of each other and said, "Charlie, this is my friend Laoise." The name fit her, I thought. Radiant girl.
I waved a little awkwardly. "Hi."
Laoise, on the other hand, grinned unreservedly. "Hi, Charlie, it's so nice to finally meet you," she barely stopped for breath, "Hannah's told me a lot about you."
"She has?" I looked at my sister curiously, she merely shrugged in response. I turned my attention back to Laoise. "All the bad things I suppose?"
"Oh yes, terrible things." She fought to maintain a serious expression, her eyebrows drawn together and her impossibly blue eyes staring fixedly in the direction of my hairline.
I rolled my eyes. "No surprise there then."
Hannah slapped at my arm. "Hey! I always say nice things about you!" She tried for a reprimanding tone but her mouth betrayed her; the quivering of a smirk beginning at its corners.
I laughed at her still vaguely indignant expression. Laoise tilted her head to the side slightly, listening. Some of her light brown hair had escaped her bun and fallen into her face. Impatiently she swept it away.
"You have a nice laugh," she said
My chuckle died in my throat and I felt my cheeks get warm. "Thank you," I managed to mumble out. I rubbed at the back of my neck, not knowing what else to say.
Hannah shot me a knowing look and let go of Laoise's arm. "I think I see Tina, Laoise," she was smirking, her eyes still holding mine, "I'm just gonna go talk to her for a second, okay? I’m sure Charlie can keep you entertained for a bit."
Laoise nodded. "Sure."
Hannah bumped her shoulder against mine as she left, her teasing grin was the last I saw of her before the party swallowed her up.
The music of the party pulsed around us, through the floor and the soles of my shoes. I could feel it thudding in my bones. Laoise appeared to be the epitome of stillness amid all the chaos, her eyes distant and far away. Her gaze was misleading though, given that the rest of her face was so lively; wonderful. Radiant. It was like some great ball of light had taken the place of her heart and she just shining from the inside; a barely disguised luminescence under her skin. She was so beautiful and I was so nervous. I cleared my throat.
"So...um...do you...do you wanna get a drink?"
She beamed at me and I felt my head get light. "I'd love to."
***
The first time she looked at me, we were sitting on a beach huddled under countless coats and blankets. The day had started off sunny and bright, perfect weather for a trip to the sea. As we got closer to the coast, however, the sky was overtaken by grey looking clouds. I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else instead, somewhere warmer, but she just shook her head.
"No," she told me, smiling, "I still wanna go."
I blinked at her and spun my keys round my finger as we sat in the car, parked on the beach. Iron waves crashed against the sand. "You sure? It wouldn't be any trouble or anything. I mean-"
She chuckled. "Charlie, I'm sure. Really, I am. It'll be fine."
And it was fine. It was better than fine actually. We sat there, side by side, in our makeshift fortress of blankets keeping each other warm; talking and laughing as we drank hot tea from a flask. The conversation lulled slightly after a while and she leaned her head against my shoulder, closing her eyes. For a while we listened in silence to the sea as it stormed up to the shore and then fell back again. Rushing, hushing water against the sand.
"Can I look at you, please?" Her words were so quiet that I thought I had imagined them at first. But then she opened her eyes and lifted her head, turning it to face me. She raised her hand hesitantly, letting it hover in the air for a few seconds before it fell limply to her lap again. Suddenly shy, she bowed her head and clenched her hands together. I had never seen her blush before now. "I...I really want to see you."
I stared at her for a moment. “How?" The question sounded insensitive to my ears and I winced a bit. It didn't faze her though. Her head shot up and a faltering smile played round her lips.
"Can I? It..It would be easier if I just, y'know, showed you."
I nodded before I realised what I was doing. I mentally slapped myself. "Of course," I said.
Her answering grin was brilliant. Slowly, she reached out her hands, drifting them along my chest until she had one on each of my shoulders. "Turn around to face me."
I did as I was told, moving around on the blanket until I sat in front of her; our folded legs touching each other, our knees bumping together. "Like this?" I asked.
"Yeah."
Her hands were still on my shoulders, I could feel them trembling a little through my jacket. Tentatively she moved her fingers up my neck to my jaw, her fingertips scratching over my chin and onto my cheeks.
"You need a shave," she giggled.
Her thumbs stroked along my cheekbones and I watched her face, her bright blue eyes were raised to the steel of the clouds and her lips were slightly parted; concentrating, considering. Gently, gradually, she felt along the sides of my face, around my eyebrows, my forehead, before sweeping down lightly to touch my lips; it was as if she wanted to feel everything at once. The journey of her hands seemed fragmented, impatient. I closed my eyes as I felt her fingertips, cool and feather-light, brush up to run over my eyelids and stroke down my lashes. She let her hands fall to my cheeks again then, repeating their circuit over my cheekbones. My heart was beating hard in my chest and I felt a little dizzy. The lazy fall of her breath over my face made my skin prickle with warmth.
"What colour are your eyes?"
My eyes fluttered open and I looked at her, at the way her face, so expressive, flickered between emotions. For a split second, I was confused. Then I remembered something she had told me on our first date. Laoise had not always been blind. Some optic nerve condition, I couldn't remember its name now, had affected her vision from birth. Her sight had deteriorated quite quickly after she turned five years old, but she still remembered how some things looked, some colours. She still liked to hear about how things looked too. It was important to her, she had had told me, it made her feel more a part of the world around her.
I found myself smiling as a hopeful grin settled on her face. "Green."
"Green," she sighed happily, "green. Like grass?"
"Yeah, like grass."
Her hands travelled up until they reached my hair line. She rubbed a lock of my hair between her fingers, moving downwards until she reached the end of the strand. "Straight hair?"
"Mhmm." I closed my eyes again as she ran her hands over my head.
"Funny, I always imagined you with curly hair."
I laughed. "Really?"
"Really. What colour is it?"
"My hair?"
"Yes."
"Blonde."
"Like a gold colour?"
I opened my eyes and glanced at my hair where it hung below my chin. "Um...I guess so."
She scrunched up her nose in thought, then she smiled that wonderful smile. "Like sunshine!"
I grinned and pushed my head into her hand, pressing my nose to her palm. She kissed the crown of my head impulsively and my stomach gave a happy flip. "If you say so."
"I do," she said firmly. She spent several moments cradling my face in her hands, fingertips skittering over my features.
Then a question poked its way into by subconscious, nipping away at me until I just had to ask it. "What do," I stumbled over the words clumsily, "I, um...No, never mind."
Her eyebrows crinkled up. "What?"
"Nah, s'not important."
"Tell me anyway," she insisted. She began tracing circles against my cheek.
"What do I look like to you?" I blurted out.
The circles stopped and her eyes darted to a space over my shoulder. It was barely a second before she answered. "Summer."
"Summer?" I asked sceptically.
She tucked her head into the crook of my neck, her eyelashes fluttering against my skin. "Yeah. Green grass and sunlight. You look like summer, Charlie."
I passed my hand over the top of her head and looked up to the sky. It might have just been my imagination, but it seemed like the clouds were clearing away, I smiled into Laoise's hair.
***
The first time she kissed me, she was dressed as a pirate. We were a Hallowe'en party one of Laoise's cousins was throwing. I hadn't wanted to go at first, but Laoise had made that face; the one that made me feel like I had just kicked a puppy.
It was halfway through the night and we had ended up sitting at the top of the stairs overlooking the writhing mass of dancers in the living room below. I took a sip of my beer and watched out of the corner of my eye as she nodded her head in time with the music. She had bits of pumpkin shaped confetti in her hair and sticking to her cheek; she looked both ridiculous and wonderful all at once.
"I like your hat."
She giggled and patted her three cornered hat fondly. "S'nice, isn't it? Hannah helped me pick it." Laoise twirled its bright blue feather between her fingers.
I hummed in agreement. "Very piratey."
"Aye aye," she quipped, shaking her beer bottle merrily. "Yours isn't very seasonal though," she scolded.
"Yes it is!" I tossed the bobble of my hat over my shoulder, Laoise felt around for it at the back of my neck and tugged it playfully.
"Yeah, seasonal if it was Christmas. Where did you get a Santa outfit at this time of year anyway?"
"Found it in my attic."
"That would explain the cobwebs," she said, pulling one away from my collar. I took it from her and squinted at it in the dim light of the house.
"I think that's a fake one. Probably part of your cousin's decorations." I flicked the piece of fluff over the banister, watching it float dangerously close to the punch bowl.
Laoise seemed to consider this. "Huh," her mouth twisted a bit, "that's kind of disgusting."
"Well it is a Hallowe'en party," I pointed out.
"S'pose. You don't have any more on you, do you?"
I felt around my collar. "Don't think so."
"Hmm." She felt for the stair below where we were sitting and set her beer bottle down. She reached out her hands towards my face and I leaned into them automatically. There was the familiar sensation of cool, pale fingers running over my cheeks and up to my forehead, then she leaned in. At first my brain couldn't quite put together what was happening, but when it did my heart started to pound. I could feel my hands grow clammy and cold and my stomach flutter and then her lips were on mine.
The kiss wasn't careful like her hands had been. Instead, just like in every little thing she did, Laoise threw her entire being into the kiss; from the very beginning it was powerful, burning, and all-consuming. It anchored my body to the earth with a kind of wild ferocity, but it made my heart feel full of helium; lighter than air and flying. Her fingers wove into my hair and my hand found its way to her waist. I could taste her last sip of beer on her tongue and it made me feel drunk, giddy. When it was over, I had no breath left in my body. I was empty of air but full of fire, my head spinning and my hands weak where they clung to the back of her dress. When I glanced down at her she was smiling, she pulled her hand away from my cheek and held up a piece of pumpkin confetti. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion as she felt its shape between her fingers.
"Confetti," I told her.
"Was this on my face or yours?"
"Yours."
She hit me lightly on the shoulder. "Well thanks for telling me!"
I grinned. "But it just suited you so well." I touched my lips to hers lightly, quickly, shocked at my own daring.
She smiled and dipped in after me as I pulled away, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "Next time," she said as she kissed my jaw, "I'm going," she kissed my chin, "to let you stay covered," she kissed my mouth, mumbling into my lips, "in cobwebs."
"I look forward to it," I mumbled back.
"You're so creepy."
"It's Hallowe'en, being creepy is mandatory."
She laughed at me and stuck the piece of confetti to my forehead. "Shut up and kiss me."
So I did.
***
The first time I told her that I loved her, it took me by surprise. We were at Hannah's wedding and we were dancing. The song was slow and sweet. The dance floor was almost empty; it was late, most of the guests had gone home. We stayed though; swayed on the floor to the soft music in the dim blue lights of the dance floor. The side of her face was pressed against the lapel of my jacket, next to her hand where it lay on my chest. I could feel my heart beating hard against her palm and I wondered if she could feel it, the dull flutter behind my ribs. She felt warm in my arms, so content.
"I...I love you," I heard myself say. My breath stuttered unevenly. My mouth was suddenly dry. My voice was an absolute traitor, the words sneaking out before I could even think about them. My heart began to hammer then and I could feel an inevitable, fiery blush spreading across my cheeks and down my neck. I ducked my head and she lifted hers but was silent for a moment. My stomach twisted uneasily. She didn't feel the same way. I was being stupid, I had messed everything up. I made to pull away. Of course she didn't-
Suddenly she pressed her cheek to mine. "I love you too," she said. Her nose bumped my cheekbone and I felt the edge of her smile on the side of my face. "You're blushing," she whispered, her breath tickled my ear.
"How did you-"
"Your cheek's warm."
"Oh," I felt my cheeks burn brighter in response and I groaned a little, hiding my face in her shoulder. She laughed and I smiled and we danced to the gently fading music.
***
The first time I watched a sunset with her by my side, we were back on the beach we had gone to all those months ago. It was summer now and the evening air was still balmy as it brushed against our faces, wound through Laoise's hair. We sat slightly apart on the sand, our hands clasped loosely on the ground between us. Her eyes were closed against the sinking sun, the last of its rays getting caught in her hair and making it shine. I looked out to the horizon then, my eyes following the sun dipping into the waves. The entire sky was a pale, pink-lilac; soft, orange clouds drifting through the daylight as it slipped away.
"I wish you could see this sunset."
Laoise's eyes fluttered open and stared vacantly out to sea. "Is it beautiful?"
"Yeah." I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles.
"Tell me what colours there are."
"Well, there are pinks, and reds," I ran my thumb over her hand, "and there are purples, and a bit of blue."
"Sounds pretty," she sighed.
I smiled a little sadly at her wistful tone of voice. "It is."
"Hey." There must have been something telling in my voice because she frowned a bit and scooted over on the sand until she was sitting right next to me, she smoothed her fingertips over my face. "Why are you sad?"
"I'm not...I mean...I just wish you didn't have to miss out on seeing stuff like this."
Her frown eased out. She kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder. I watched the sunlight glinting off the water as her hair tickled my ear. "I still see it, just in a different way."
I turned my head to face her and our noses brushed. "How?"
She grinned and kissed my nose. "It would be easier if I showed you. Close your eyes."
I closed them. "Now what?"
"Listen. You hear the waves? The gulls?"
I listened, the sound of the ocean lapping against the shore and the crying of birds filled my ears. It sounded peaceful."Yeah."
She grazed a kiss against the shell of my ear. "You feel the sand, how warm the sun is on your face, the breeze?"
I nodded as I felt the grains of sand between my toes, the heat of the sun's lingering light on my cheeks. "Yes."
"That," she said, shifting until she was sitting in my lap, "is my sunset."
My arms wrapped around her tightly and I rested my chin on top of her head. "It's beautiful."
"It is," she agreed and we both watched our sunset until its warmth faded from our skin and into the soft summer air.
For silent and still were we;
Our hearts were drunk with a beauty
Our eyes could never see.
Extract from 'The Unknown God' by George W. Russell
***
The first time I saw her, I couldn't stop staring. It was rude, I know, but I couldn't help it. It was that porcelain smile; so fragile and beautiful. As soon as I saw it, I wanted to see it again. It was addictive.
My sister finally introduced us, led her through the crowded room until we were standing in front of each other and said, "Charlie, this is my friend Laoise." The name fit her, I thought. Radiant girl.
I waved a little awkwardly. "Hi."
Laoise, on the other hand, grinned unreservedly. "Hi, Charlie, it's so nice to finally meet you," she barely stopped for breath, "Hannah's told me a lot about you."
"She has?" I looked at my sister curiously, she merely shrugged in response. I turned my attention back to Laoise. "All the bad things I suppose?"
"Oh yes, terrible things." She fought to maintain a serious expression, her eyebrows drawn together and her impossibly blue eyes staring fixedly in the direction of my hairline.
I rolled my eyes. "No surprise there then."
Hannah slapped at my arm. "Hey! I always say nice things about you!" She tried for a reprimanding tone but her mouth betrayed her; the quivering of a smirk beginning at its corners.
I laughed at her still vaguely indignant expression. Laoise tilted her head to the side slightly, listening. Some of her light brown hair had escaped her bun and fallen into her face. Impatiently she swept it away.
"You have a nice laugh," she said
My chuckle died in my throat and I felt my cheeks get warm. "Thank you," I managed to mumble out. I rubbed at the back of my neck, not knowing what else to say.
Hannah shot me a knowing look and let go of Laoise's arm. "I think I see Tina, Laoise," she was smirking, her eyes still holding mine, "I'm just gonna go talk to her for a second, okay? I’m sure Charlie can keep you entertained for a bit."
Laoise nodded. "Sure."
Hannah bumped her shoulder against mine as she left, her teasing grin was the last I saw of her before the party swallowed her up.
The music of the party pulsed around us, through the floor and the soles of my shoes. I could feel it thudding in my bones. Laoise appeared to be the epitome of stillness amid all the chaos, her eyes distant and far away. Her gaze was misleading though, given that the rest of her face was so lively; wonderful. Radiant. It was like some great ball of light had taken the place of her heart and she just shining from the inside; a barely disguised luminescence under her skin. She was so beautiful and I was so nervous. I cleared my throat.
"So...um...do you...do you wanna get a drink?"
She beamed at me and I felt my head get light. "I'd love to."
***
The first time she looked at me, we were sitting on a beach huddled under countless coats and blankets. The day had started off sunny and bright, perfect weather for a trip to the sea. As we got closer to the coast, however, the sky was overtaken by grey looking clouds. I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else instead, somewhere warmer, but she just shook her head.
"No," she told me, smiling, "I still wanna go."
I blinked at her and spun my keys round my finger as we sat in the car, parked on the beach. Iron waves crashed against the sand. "You sure? It wouldn't be any trouble or anything. I mean-"
She chuckled. "Charlie, I'm sure. Really, I am. It'll be fine."
And it was fine. It was better than fine actually. We sat there, side by side, in our makeshift fortress of blankets keeping each other warm; talking and laughing as we drank hot tea from a flask. The conversation lulled slightly after a while and she leaned her head against my shoulder, closing her eyes. For a while we listened in silence to the sea as it stormed up to the shore and then fell back again. Rushing, hushing water against the sand.
"Can I look at you, please?" Her words were so quiet that I thought I had imagined them at first. But then she opened her eyes and lifted her head, turning it to face me. She raised her hand hesitantly, letting it hover in the air for a few seconds before it fell limply to her lap again. Suddenly shy, she bowed her head and clenched her hands together. I had never seen her blush before now. "I...I really want to see you."
I stared at her for a moment. “How?" The question sounded insensitive to my ears and I winced a bit. It didn't faze her though. Her head shot up and a faltering smile played round her lips.
"Can I? It..It would be easier if I just, y'know, showed you."
I nodded before I realised what I was doing. I mentally slapped myself. "Of course," I said.
Her answering grin was brilliant. Slowly, she reached out her hands, drifting them along my chest until she had one on each of my shoulders. "Turn around to face me."
I did as I was told, moving around on the blanket until I sat in front of her; our folded legs touching each other, our knees bumping together. "Like this?" I asked.
"Yeah."
Her hands were still on my shoulders, I could feel them trembling a little through my jacket. Tentatively she moved her fingers up my neck to my jaw, her fingertips scratching over my chin and onto my cheeks.
"You need a shave," she giggled.
Her thumbs stroked along my cheekbones and I watched her face, her bright blue eyes were raised to the steel of the clouds and her lips were slightly parted; concentrating, considering. Gently, gradually, she felt along the sides of my face, around my eyebrows, my forehead, before sweeping down lightly to touch my lips; it was as if she wanted to feel everything at once. The journey of her hands seemed fragmented, impatient. I closed my eyes as I felt her fingertips, cool and feather-light, brush up to run over my eyelids and stroke down my lashes. She let her hands fall to my cheeks again then, repeating their circuit over my cheekbones. My heart was beating hard in my chest and I felt a little dizzy. The lazy fall of her breath over my face made my skin prickle with warmth.
"What colour are your eyes?"
My eyes fluttered open and I looked at her, at the way her face, so expressive, flickered between emotions. For a split second, I was confused. Then I remembered something she had told me on our first date. Laoise had not always been blind. Some optic nerve condition, I couldn't remember its name now, had affected her vision from birth. Her sight had deteriorated quite quickly after she turned five years old, but she still remembered how some things looked, some colours. She still liked to hear about how things looked too. It was important to her, she had had told me, it made her feel more a part of the world around her.
I found myself smiling as a hopeful grin settled on her face. "Green."
"Green," she sighed happily, "green. Like grass?"
"Yeah, like grass."
Her hands travelled up until they reached my hair line. She rubbed a lock of my hair between her fingers, moving downwards until she reached the end of the strand. "Straight hair?"
"Mhmm." I closed my eyes again as she ran her hands over my head.
"Funny, I always imagined you with curly hair."
I laughed. "Really?"
"Really. What colour is it?"
"My hair?"
"Yes."
"Blonde."
"Like a gold colour?"
I opened my eyes and glanced at my hair where it hung below my chin. "Um...I guess so."
She scrunched up her nose in thought, then she smiled that wonderful smile. "Like sunshine!"
I grinned and pushed my head into her hand, pressing my nose to her palm. She kissed the crown of my head impulsively and my stomach gave a happy flip. "If you say so."
"I do," she said firmly. She spent several moments cradling my face in her hands, fingertips skittering over my features.
Then a question poked its way into by subconscious, nipping away at me until I just had to ask it. "What do," I stumbled over the words clumsily, "I, um...No, never mind."
Her eyebrows crinkled up. "What?"
"Nah, s'not important."
"Tell me anyway," she insisted. She began tracing circles against my cheek.
"What do I look like to you?" I blurted out.
The circles stopped and her eyes darted to a space over my shoulder. It was barely a second before she answered. "Summer."
"Summer?" I asked sceptically.
She tucked her head into the crook of my neck, her eyelashes fluttering against my skin. "Yeah. Green grass and sunlight. You look like summer, Charlie."
I passed my hand over the top of her head and looked up to the sky. It might have just been my imagination, but it seemed like the clouds were clearing away, I smiled into Laoise's hair.
***
The first time she kissed me, she was dressed as a pirate. We were a Hallowe'en party one of Laoise's cousins was throwing. I hadn't wanted to go at first, but Laoise had made that face; the one that made me feel like I had just kicked a puppy.
It was halfway through the night and we had ended up sitting at the top of the stairs overlooking the writhing mass of dancers in the living room below. I took a sip of my beer and watched out of the corner of my eye as she nodded her head in time with the music. She had bits of pumpkin shaped confetti in her hair and sticking to her cheek; she looked both ridiculous and wonderful all at once.
"I like your hat."
She giggled and patted her three cornered hat fondly. "S'nice, isn't it? Hannah helped me pick it." Laoise twirled its bright blue feather between her fingers.
I hummed in agreement. "Very piratey."
"Aye aye," she quipped, shaking her beer bottle merrily. "Yours isn't very seasonal though," she scolded.
"Yes it is!" I tossed the bobble of my hat over my shoulder, Laoise felt around for it at the back of my neck and tugged it playfully.
"Yeah, seasonal if it was Christmas. Where did you get a Santa outfit at this time of year anyway?"
"Found it in my attic."
"That would explain the cobwebs," she said, pulling one away from my collar. I took it from her and squinted at it in the dim light of the house.
"I think that's a fake one. Probably part of your cousin's decorations." I flicked the piece of fluff over the banister, watching it float dangerously close to the punch bowl.
Laoise seemed to consider this. "Huh," her mouth twisted a bit, "that's kind of disgusting."
"Well it is a Hallowe'en party," I pointed out.
"S'pose. You don't have any more on you, do you?"
I felt around my collar. "Don't think so."
"Hmm." She felt for the stair below where we were sitting and set her beer bottle down. She reached out her hands towards my face and I leaned into them automatically. There was the familiar sensation of cool, pale fingers running over my cheeks and up to my forehead, then she leaned in. At first my brain couldn't quite put together what was happening, but when it did my heart started to pound. I could feel my hands grow clammy and cold and my stomach flutter and then her lips were on mine.
The kiss wasn't careful like her hands had been. Instead, just like in every little thing she did, Laoise threw her entire being into the kiss; from the very beginning it was powerful, burning, and all-consuming. It anchored my body to the earth with a kind of wild ferocity, but it made my heart feel full of helium; lighter than air and flying. Her fingers wove into my hair and my hand found its way to her waist. I could taste her last sip of beer on her tongue and it made me feel drunk, giddy. When it was over, I had no breath left in my body. I was empty of air but full of fire, my head spinning and my hands weak where they clung to the back of her dress. When I glanced down at her she was smiling, she pulled her hand away from my cheek and held up a piece of pumpkin confetti. Her eyebrows pulled together in confusion as she felt its shape between her fingers.
"Confetti," I told her.
"Was this on my face or yours?"
"Yours."
She hit me lightly on the shoulder. "Well thanks for telling me!"
I grinned. "But it just suited you so well." I touched my lips to hers lightly, quickly, shocked at my own daring.
She smiled and dipped in after me as I pulled away, pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "Next time," she said as she kissed my jaw, "I'm going," she kissed my chin, "to let you stay covered," she kissed my mouth, mumbling into my lips, "in cobwebs."
"I look forward to it," I mumbled back.
"You're so creepy."
"It's Hallowe'en, being creepy is mandatory."
She laughed at me and stuck the piece of confetti to my forehead. "Shut up and kiss me."
So I did.
***
The first time I told her that I loved her, it took me by surprise. We were at Hannah's wedding and we were dancing. The song was slow and sweet. The dance floor was almost empty; it was late, most of the guests had gone home. We stayed though; swayed on the floor to the soft music in the dim blue lights of the dance floor. The side of her face was pressed against the lapel of my jacket, next to her hand where it lay on my chest. I could feel my heart beating hard against her palm and I wondered if she could feel it, the dull flutter behind my ribs. She felt warm in my arms, so content.
"I...I love you," I heard myself say. My breath stuttered unevenly. My mouth was suddenly dry. My voice was an absolute traitor, the words sneaking out before I could even think about them. My heart began to hammer then and I could feel an inevitable, fiery blush spreading across my cheeks and down my neck. I ducked my head and she lifted hers but was silent for a moment. My stomach twisted uneasily. She didn't feel the same way. I was being stupid, I had messed everything up. I made to pull away. Of course she didn't-
Suddenly she pressed her cheek to mine. "I love you too," she said. Her nose bumped my cheekbone and I felt the edge of her smile on the side of my face. "You're blushing," she whispered, her breath tickled my ear.
"How did you-"
"Your cheek's warm."
"Oh," I felt my cheeks burn brighter in response and I groaned a little, hiding my face in her shoulder. She laughed and I smiled and we danced to the gently fading music.
***
The first time I watched a sunset with her by my side, we were back on the beach we had gone to all those months ago. It was summer now and the evening air was still balmy as it brushed against our faces, wound through Laoise's hair. We sat slightly apart on the sand, our hands clasped loosely on the ground between us. Her eyes were closed against the sinking sun, the last of its rays getting caught in her hair and making it shine. I looked out to the horizon then, my eyes following the sun dipping into the waves. The entire sky was a pale, pink-lilac; soft, orange clouds drifting through the daylight as it slipped away.
"I wish you could see this sunset."
Laoise's eyes fluttered open and stared vacantly out to sea. "Is it beautiful?"
"Yeah." I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles.
"Tell me what colours there are."
"Well, there are pinks, and reds," I ran my thumb over her hand, "and there are purples, and a bit of blue."
"Sounds pretty," she sighed.
I smiled a little sadly at her wistful tone of voice. "It is."
"Hey." There must have been something telling in my voice because she frowned a bit and scooted over on the sand until she was sitting right next to me, she smoothed her fingertips over my face. "Why are you sad?"
"I'm not...I mean...I just wish you didn't have to miss out on seeing stuff like this."
Her frown eased out. She kissed my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder. I watched the sunlight glinting off the water as her hair tickled my ear. "I still see it, just in a different way."
I turned my head to face her and our noses brushed. "How?"
She grinned and kissed my nose. "It would be easier if I showed you. Close your eyes."
I closed them. "Now what?"
"Listen. You hear the waves? The gulls?"
I listened, the sound of the ocean lapping against the shore and the crying of birds filled my ears. It sounded peaceful."Yeah."
She grazed a kiss against the shell of my ear. "You feel the sand, how warm the sun is on your face, the breeze?"
I nodded as I felt the grains of sand between my toes, the heat of the sun's lingering light on my cheeks. "Yes."
"That," she said, shifting until she was sitting in my lap, "is my sunset."
My arms wrapped around her tightly and I rested my chin on top of her head. "It's beautiful."
"It is," she agreed and we both watched our sunset until its warmth faded from our skin and into the soft summer air.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hey guys, hope you enjoyed this oneshot, it was written for the Can You Feel The Love Contest.All feedback is welcome. :)
(Laoise is pronounced LEE-SHA.)