Faith is Gone
F a i t h
Moonlight was reflected in Cameron's jade eyes as she looked out her window. Thoughts were streaming through her mind without stopping. The thoughts that she hated. The thoughts that she wished she never had. The thoughts that haunted her every waking hour. The thoughts that brought back the worst time of her life. The best days of her life.
Eventually, Matt came to her side in the seat beside her window and gently wrapped his Herculean arm around her since then frail body. He planted a kiss on her forehead. It tormented him at night too. He could distract himself enough to almost forget in the day time, but what they had been through was not a thing that was easily forgotten. Cameron leaned her auburn head on Matt's tattooed chest.
Branches scraped against the window making the sound of nails on a chalkboard, but neither of them were flinching against the screech. Both of them were lost in memories of crying, of whining, of diapers, of splashing sink baths. Of Faith.
Sometimes when Cameron found the strength to leave her spot at the window, just to go walk down their backyard beach, she would collapse with the sound of children. Of what she and Matt could have had. He would have to watch her and make sure she was okay. You had to watch Cameron like a hawk now. She was so frail. So understandably devastated. It hurt her to go on with her life.
Misunderstood by most of the people around her was hard. Didn't they realize that she couldn't just forget about it? That even in the two years that had passed, the memories of those precious six months wouldn't just fade with time? How could they when the best thing you ever had was taken away from you without reason? Her friends and family expected her to be the strong woman she once was and just carry on, or at least pretend to for the sake of others.
Instead, she turned away from everyone and shunned everyone who tried to help her. She was reclusive compared to the bubbly woman she used to be. She couldn't get over the fact of her baby, her Faith, to take her last breath, for reason. What person could? She couldn't understand how this God everyone was so keen to believe in would take Faith from her without any one reason besides, "everything happens for a reason." she remembered waiting in the waiting room with Matt after they had called the paramedics for their daughter.
Alternating between sitting, crying, and pacing while Matt sat in the warped plastic blue seat where the sick dwell with tears leaking out of his eyes. He wasn't able to comfort his long time girlfriend. He knew that Faith was no more. He knew the doctors wouldn't be able to do anything. What could you do against the will of a God that takes all the innocent, that lets the good die young and the horrid live eternally. The doctor came out with a morose expression. He shook his head and that's all Matt needed to let the tears flow even more freely.
Sharp cries of pains had escaped from Cameron's mouth as she threw herself on the floor. It was an animalistic wail that still couldn't convey the weight that had just secured itself in her young heart. She was only nineteen and she would already have to bury her baby. He was only twenty and he would have to bury his baby and watch the love of his life turn into someone hardly anybody would recognize if not for her startling eyes. They already needed to do what even someone twice their age rarely needed to do.
Mysterious as it was to the people around the young couple, Matt never left Cameron's side. He was still young, they said, he could find someone to move on with the rest of his life with. It was true and he knew it. However, just because it's true doesn't mean it was the best thing to do. He still loved her. No matter what a skeleton she had became. He loved Cameron as the girl he met and the shell of her self, he had absolutely no plan to abandon her. Why would he? God and Faith had already left her and he wasn't going to put her through any more.
Clouded thoughts were all Cameron had now. She couldn't remember how Faith smelled. She was losing her memories. She thought she was a a horrible person. Who forgets what their child's hair smells like right after a bath? Who forgets what shape their child's nose was unless they had a picture right in front of them? Cameron tried constantly to bring her memories back. It just didn't work. She was lost. Faith was lost.
Petite size six shoes were right in front of her. Matt wanted her to put them on. He wanted to take her to the beach. He said she needed to see the sun. She stared blankly at him as he smiled a dimpled smile at her. He always felt like her bright green eyes were x-raying him. Like she could see down to his soul. He helped her put her shoes on and grabbed her hand and held on to in tight. He smiled at the memory of little Faith holding on to his index finger when she was born.
Explaining what had been going on in the world to Cameron he locked the door and continued holding her soft small hand. She looked at him and a shadow of a small smile crossed her face fleetingly. She still loved Matt. She tried to rise above her depression for him, she really did, and Matt knew it and that's all that he could ask for. Her trying. He put his lips softly on hers. They walked down the foamy edge of the beach hand in hand.
"Stop?" Cameron croaked. Her voice wasn't as strong as it used to be. She rarely used it. He did what she asked before it completely came out of her mouth. She semi smiled at him and sat where the waves met the sand and patted beside her signaling him to sit down.
She looked at him a face feel of emotion. He knew what she was trying to say without her saying. It was a face full of love, raw sadness, and apologies. She wanted to go back to being Cameron. As close as she could get anyway. He knew he would never get the carefree, light hearted, girl that he once knew back. Nobody that had went through what the went through could be care free or light hearted. They both had heavy weights on their chests. The weights of the tortured. He would get a woman back. He would get conversation back. He would get the mother of his baby back.
Called away from vision of the beach he looked into her stare. This was the love of his life. The one that almost got away without physically leaving. He would go through hell for her. He already had. She placed a peck on his lips. This was the first bit of affection that she had initiated in two years. He knew it would be a long road until she was his again and not a victim of her memories but he was willing to wait because she was worth it. She was the only thing he had left.
Eventually, Matt came to her side in the seat beside her window and gently wrapped his Herculean arm around her since then frail body. He planted a kiss on her forehead. It tormented him at night too. He could distract himself enough to almost forget in the day time, but what they had been through was not a thing that was easily forgotten. Cameron leaned her auburn head on Matt's tattooed chest.
Branches scraped against the window making the sound of nails on a chalkboard, but neither of them were flinching against the screech. Both of them were lost in memories of crying, of whining, of diapers, of splashing sink baths. Of Faith.
Sometimes when Cameron found the strength to leave her spot at the window, just to go walk down their backyard beach, she would collapse with the sound of children. Of what she and Matt could have had. He would have to watch her and make sure she was okay. You had to watch Cameron like a hawk now. She was so frail. So understandably devastated. It hurt her to go on with her life.
Misunderstood by most of the people around her was hard. Didn't they realize that she couldn't just forget about it? That even in the two years that had passed, the memories of those precious six months wouldn't just fade with time? How could they when the best thing you ever had was taken away from you without reason? Her friends and family expected her to be the strong woman she once was and just carry on, or at least pretend to for the sake of others.
Instead, she turned away from everyone and shunned everyone who tried to help her. She was reclusive compared to the bubbly woman she used to be. She couldn't get over the fact of her baby, her Faith, to take her last breath, for reason. What person could? She couldn't understand how this God everyone was so keen to believe in would take Faith from her without any one reason besides, "everything happens for a reason." she remembered waiting in the waiting room with Matt after they had called the paramedics for their daughter.
Alternating between sitting, crying, and pacing while Matt sat in the warped plastic blue seat where the sick dwell with tears leaking out of his eyes. He wasn't able to comfort his long time girlfriend. He knew that Faith was no more. He knew the doctors wouldn't be able to do anything. What could you do against the will of a God that takes all the innocent, that lets the good die young and the horrid live eternally. The doctor came out with a morose expression. He shook his head and that's all Matt needed to let the tears flow even more freely.
Sharp cries of pains had escaped from Cameron's mouth as she threw herself on the floor. It was an animalistic wail that still couldn't convey the weight that had just secured itself in her young heart. She was only nineteen and she would already have to bury her baby. He was only twenty and he would have to bury his baby and watch the love of his life turn into someone hardly anybody would recognize if not for her startling eyes. They already needed to do what even someone twice their age rarely needed to do.
Mysterious as it was to the people around the young couple, Matt never left Cameron's side. He was still young, they said, he could find someone to move on with the rest of his life with. It was true and he knew it. However, just because it's true doesn't mean it was the best thing to do. He still loved her. No matter what a skeleton she had became. He loved Cameron as the girl he met and the shell of her self, he had absolutely no plan to abandon her. Why would he? God and Faith had already left her and he wasn't going to put her through any more.
Clouded thoughts were all Cameron had now. She couldn't remember how Faith smelled. She was losing her memories. She thought she was a a horrible person. Who forgets what their child's hair smells like right after a bath? Who forgets what shape their child's nose was unless they had a picture right in front of them? Cameron tried constantly to bring her memories back. It just didn't work. She was lost. Faith was lost.
Petite size six shoes were right in front of her. Matt wanted her to put them on. He wanted to take her to the beach. He said she needed to see the sun. She stared blankly at him as he smiled a dimpled smile at her. He always felt like her bright green eyes were x-raying him. Like she could see down to his soul. He helped her put her shoes on and grabbed her hand and held on to in tight. He smiled at the memory of little Faith holding on to his index finger when she was born.
Explaining what had been going on in the world to Cameron he locked the door and continued holding her soft small hand. She looked at him and a shadow of a small smile crossed her face fleetingly. She still loved Matt. She tried to rise above her depression for him, she really did, and Matt knew it and that's all that he could ask for. Her trying. He put his lips softly on hers. They walked down the foamy edge of the beach hand in hand.
"Stop?" Cameron croaked. Her voice wasn't as strong as it used to be. She rarely used it. He did what she asked before it completely came out of her mouth. She semi smiled at him and sat where the waves met the sand and patted beside her signaling him to sit down.
She looked at him a face feel of emotion. He knew what she was trying to say without her saying. It was a face full of love, raw sadness, and apologies. She wanted to go back to being Cameron. As close as she could get anyway. He knew he would never get the carefree, light hearted, girl that he once knew back. Nobody that had went through what the went through could be care free or light hearted. They both had heavy weights on their chests. The weights of the tortured. He would get a woman back. He would get conversation back. He would get the mother of his baby back.
Called away from vision of the beach he looked into her stare. This was the love of his life. The one that almost got away without physically leaving. He would go through hell for her. He already had. She placed a peck on his lips. This was the first bit of affection that she had initiated in two years. He knew it would be a long road until she was his again and not a victim of her memories but he was willing to wait because she was worth it. She was the only thing he had left.