Dormant Senses

Jack Barakat sat in the back of his room. His back against the cold wall. He was thinking his last days in high school that were cut short because of some unknown reason. His parents didn’t think he could handle school after everything that happened. His parents were partially right though, he did just recently lost his boyfriend. Maybe it was best if he did drop out of school. He could finish it any time in the future but he didn’t think he would. There was honestly nothing to live for ever since his better half was ripped apart from him. Now he passed his times staring at the walls of his new room and counting down the days until he gets to see Alex again. He doesn’t know whether it’s soon or whether it’s later on in the future, all he knows is that he can see it happening.

___

‘Hello Jack. Come right in.’ Jack has been seeing a psychologist for a while now. It’s not that he doesn’t like the doctor; it’s just the fact that he repeats the same questions over and over again; it simply is starting to get frustrating.
‘Have a seat please.’ The doctor pointed to the lounging chair right in front of his own leather chair. He waited for Jack to be seated properly before picking up his notebook and pen and writing down his patients’ name.
‘How are you today Jack?’ Jack had his legs tucked underneath himself and he was currently twirling his fingers around, stalling this as much he could.
‘I’m okay I guess.’ Jack heard scribbling across a crisp new sheet of paper and he glanced up for a bit to find his psychologist deep in writing. His doctor glanced up and smiled at Jack. Jack glanced down again and just stared at his hand.
‘Why “I guess”? Did you not have a good lunch? Or morning?’
‘Morning.’ The doctor nodded and quickly wrote down Jack’s response.
‘What made you not have a good morning?’
‘I had a dream.’ The doctor sighed and looked at Jack with a steady gaze.
‘Jack, I need more than a few word responses. I told you this already. Please don’t make me repeat myself frequently. Now tell me about this dream.’ Jack sighed and removed his feet from underneath him.
‘It’s the same one that I have every night.’ Jack said quietly.
‘The one with your boyfriend?’ The doctor glanced up from his notebook to capture Jack’s attention. Jack’s eyes met the doctors’ own and he looked back down as he felt a familiar blush creep up his neck.
‘Yes.’ It was quiet for a bit before Jack continued. ‘We were on his bed, just lying there. We were talking about college or yanno, basically what we wanted to do with our lives once high school was over. He got accepted into Harvard because he was incredibly smart and yet he still said it was out of “mere luck” he got in. I was happy for him really but I wanted to be in a band. I wanted to explore the world. I just didn’t want to do it alone. I told him this while lying in bed and we kind of got into a verbal fight. I kept on screaming about how he just needed time to think this through and then he would yell back that he didn’t need anytime, his future “was already set”.’ Jack air-quoted the last part. ‘I mean, I thought it was a little selfish of him to even consider a future where I wasn’t present. So I said that he needs to decide whether loving me was better than going to a stupid ass college.’
‘Jack.’ The doctor interrupted.
‘Right sorry. Well he didn’t answer. So I walked away. I heard him call my name but I didn’t turn around because honestly, what was the point? He was going to choose Harvard anyways.’ The doctor was scribbling madly across his sheet, trying not to miss a beat even though this was all recorded.
‘Is that the end of your dream?’ the doctor asked after he wrote down everything.
‘No. Well I went back a few days later and found him cut up right in the middle. It’s like he purposely did that to himself.’ The doctor nodded and leaned back into his seat.
‘And how does that make you feel?’ Jack had to refrain himself from rolling his eyes.
‘Like shit?’
‘Jack Barakat. Watch that mouth of yours.’
‘I mean there’s no other way to explain it. How would you feel if you found the love of your life ripped open?’
‘You’re right. I’d feel like utter shit. I’ll let that one slide for a bit.’ Jack smiled and ran a hand through his greased hair.
‘Do you think there’s something I can do to stop these dreams from reoccurring?’ Jack asked -his head tilting to the side as if the doctor was gonna give him the secret of how to live properly. The doctor looked at him for a long time before slowly answering.
‘Well, we could try some breathing lessons but that only works if you can’t sleep. This happens when you’re already asleep right?’ Jack nodded. ‘Hmm… I think maybe spending some time with your family and friends could help you forget him for a bit might help you.’ Jack shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but was cut off shortly.
‘Why Jack? What are you so afraid of?’
‘They remind me of him.’ He saw the doctor scratch the stubble that coated his chin nicely as if he was in deep thought. He always did this when he was at lost for words, and that’s frequently with Jack.
‘I think you should give it a try, okay? I want you to at least give it some thought until the next time I see you.’ Jack nodded.
‘So, the last time you were here, we talked about your two best friends who visit you frequently. What are they like?’
‘Well they’re the best friends you could ever ask for. Plus, they’re the complete opposite of each other which is why they make the perfect gay couple. Like one of them is built like a monster but he’s incredibly shy. The other one is pretty much built but not as crazy built but he’s so outspoken. They like to cuddle wherever they go and I just pretty much want to puke everytime they do it. I don’t know, they’re great.’ Jack looked up to find the doctor staring at him with a furrowed brow.
‘Uh, excuse me. I didn’t mean to stare.’ Jack simply shrugged, not at all moved by this. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to these stares everywhere he goes.
‘They seem nice. Also, I want to talk to you about May and Joe before our session is over. Mind refreshing my memory of who they are?’ Jack chuckled and shook his head as this question was repeated for the umpteenth time.
‘May and Joe are my older siblings.’ The psychologist sighed as he leaned forward in his seat, carefully examining one of his difficult patients.
‘No, Jack. They are the patients here that work in the kitchen.’ Jack rolled his eyes and sat straight up.
‘Is it time for me to go yet?’ The doctor looked down at his watch and let out another sigh.
‘Well our session is up anyways, you may leave.’ Jack got up without uttering a single word and opened the door. He smiled as he looked at the plaque that was on the door.
He’d be seeing Psychologist Alexander William Gaskarth again at the same time tomorrow. Well it’s not like he has any choice. There’s not much of a choice when you suddenly go crazy after getting into one of the most horrible car accidents with the rest of the star swimmers and also fantasizing a relationship that never existed. High school Alex Gaskarth never existed: only PhD Alexander William Gaskarth. He should know. He spent nine months with him. He has scars to prove it.