A Match into Water

Jordan’s only Reina’s fourth boyfriend, regardless of whether the previous ones were serious or not, this is only the fourth relationship she’s been in. For the most part, she didn’t really believe in relationships, thinking that they were meant to end – she always had doubt in her mind of a relationship going all the way. The only hope she has of a relationship actually lasting is her sister’s marriage with her husband because regardless of her parents being married for over 30 years, she didn’t want their chaotic relationship.

But Jordan was always sceptical that that was the only reason she was scared of commitment. He understood why she didn’t want to label what they have and was prepared for the challenge that came along with that but didn’t understand why she always flinched when he went to touch her. She eventually got used to it, but she would still jump at the slightest brush on her arm.

Finally, one day, Jordan straight up asked her while they were having a cup of tea. “Rei, do you not want me to touch you, or something?” he said as he crossed his arms.

“No! Not at all.”

“Then why do you always flinch when I touch you?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“I…” she paused as she wondered whether she should tell him. “I don’t know.”

“Reina, we’ve been together for almost two years. We’ve never gone farther than making out and every time I try something, you flinch. You’re hiding something from me, I know it.” She couldn’t say anything and just shook her head. “Reina, I won’t judge you but I need to know what demons you’re fighting so I can help you fight them.” He held her hand, sending an electrical-like shock through her body, triggering the tears to start flowing from her eyes.

“No, you wouldn’t like it.” She shook her head with shame.

“You’re underestimating me.” He inched himself towards her on the couch.

“I can’t just tell you. I’ve never told anyone.” She said with a scared look in her eye.

“It’ll just be between you and me then.” He comforted her, “I’m not running away.” He kissed her on the temple, causing her tears to flow even more.
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“Rei… talk to me.” Evan said as they studied. “He said it doesn’t mean anything.”

“I believe him but I still don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to be that girlfriend.”

“What does that even mean?” Evan shook his head as he dropped his pen on his notebook, giving up on trying focusing on economics.

“The girlfriend whose boyfriend cheats on then said boyfriend comes crawling back into the girlfriend’s bed with everyone knowing and laughing. I mean, if I just moved with him, none of this would have happened. Who knows how many other times he’s blacked out and hooked up with some random girl?”

“You’re overreacting.” Evan said as he sipped his tea.

“Don’t say that.” She scribbled on a cue card. She hates when people say she’s overreacting… even though to an extent, she was. In her defence, there’s always validity to her claims. “Am I not allowed to overreact though? I’ve literally given all I have and… ugh.”

“1) It’s true, you always overreact. 2) You’re not. 3) Too much information, Rei. But you make a point Rei, you can’t let one thing after four years ruin your relationship. You have to forgive and forget, woman.”

“I did forgive him and I’m trying to forget.”

“Okay, so what’s wrong?” Evan flipped his book shut.

“I’ve told you this before…”

“Oh, this theory…” he rolled his eyes.

Ignoring Evan’s sarcasm, “when people blackout, they’re basically letting their subconscious take over so if he cheated on me, it must mean that he doesn’t want to be with me.”

“Or it could mean that he’s horny…” Evan said honestly, “Coming from a mind of a guy, if I only saw my girlfriend that I love once a month, I would find it difficult to not have sex… I’m just saying.”

“Guys really do think with their dicks, don’t they?”

“We’re not supposed to?” he joked as Reina punched him across the table.

“Evan, I’m serious.” She dropped her pen, “I totally saw this coming and yet I still didn’t prepare myself for this.”

“Rei, you can’t prepare yourself for the news that your boyfriend has POSSIBLY cheated on you.” He emphasized the uncertainty of the situation.

“It’s not just last night, Evan. If he blacked out last night, how many other nights has he blacked out and made it off with some slutty girl at the bar? I just trusted him too much but obviously, he can hook up with any girl he wants so why would he just settle for me?” she rubbed her scars over the sleeve of her sweater.

“Stop.” Evan grabbed her hand, “You’re letting your anger speak for you. Before you jump to conclusions, you should listen to what he’s saying. He said that it didn’t mean anything and that he still loves you more than anyone. Just chill.”

“22 years and I have not mastered that skill yet.” She sat back on her chair and let her head fall back.