A Match into Water

“Jordan says hi” she mumbled as Mickey sauntered into the room and nudged Reina, wanting her affection. “Speaking of Jordan, do you think he can come to my graduation banquet?” Erika said cheerfully.

“That’s a bad idea… He’d love to go but he really doesn’t realize how much attention he brings along with him. I’ll ask him though.” She said to satisfy her sister’s request, “isn’t it a bit too early to be talking about this?” Reina said sceptically.

“No way!” Erika argued, “We have to get our banquet tickets and tables set up by the end of the month and we get our portraits taken next month!” Erika rambled on about her aftergrad plans and such. Reina was more concerned about dinner.

When they were called down to dinner, Reina felt as though she was walking towards her judgement day… again. Every time she had to talk to her father, she felt this way and she truly hated it. She felt bad for her mother who was trying to maintain diplomatic conversations between Reina and her father.

“So Reina, how’s Jordon?” he asked. “Fine.” She answered generically. “I read that he’s skating again, that’s good.” He said, Reina remained quiet as she didn’t have anything to say. Feeling the tension rising, her mom immediately jumped in, “So Rei-chan, how’s school going?”

“It’s great. I’m really excited to be graduating soon.” Reina smiled gently to her mother. “I still don’t understand why you didn’t transfer into engineering, Reina. There are so many jobs for you in engineering, especially for a girl as smart as you.”

“Yeah dad, but this is what I want to do.” Reina sighed. “Yes, but Reina, what you want to do isn’t important unless you make money. You can’t just depend on Jordan.” Her dad lectured her.

“I don’t intend on depending on Jordan, dad. Nor do I care about how much money I make. Why can’t you just accept that this is what I’m passionate about?” Reina said, aggravated. “I do understand, Reina. But you’re 22 now, you’re not a kid anymore with dreams that can’t be achieved.” Her dad countered.

“Preston, stop it.” Reina’s mom tried to calm him down. “No, mom, let him keep going.” Reina challenged her father.

“Reina, I’m just telling you that you need to be more responsible with your life. You can’t keep living your dreams like they’re going to happen. Life isn’t a dream.” He said sternly. “Maybe not for you – do you realize how you’ve tried to control every aspect of your children’s lives? And do you realize that you’ve pushed them all away? Or are you just that self-centred that you’re too blind to see that?” Reina ranted before standing up from the dinner table.

“Rei-chan, calm down.” Her mom pleaded. “Do not speak to me in that manner, young lady, I am your father.” He ignored his wife and stood up, “Do not walk away from me!” he shouted across the house.

“Or what?!” she shouted back, “I don’t give a damn if you’re my father because you surely don’t act like it,” she stomped back towards him as Mickey chased her, barking. “A father would not ruin his family in this manner.” She accused him.

Infuriated, he shouted inaudible words towards Reina in which Reina ignored, all she heard was “Get out” in which Reina was glad to do so. Without hesitation, she pulled on her jacket and picked up her purse as her mom, Erika, and Mickey chased her. “Rei, don’t listen to him, he’s just worried about you.” Her mom pleaded with her. “Mom, I’m not a little kid anymore. He can’t control my life, nor can he complain about my choices. I’m sorry. I really tried.” She gave her mom a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Call more, okay?” Erika wrapped her arms around her sister. “If you ever want to get away, I have an extra room.” Reina whispered into her baby sister’s ear as she hugged back.

For some reason, Mickey was exponentially more upset than her mom and Erika. He was whining quietly as Reina zipped up her boots. “Oh Mick, don’t look at me like that. I’ll be back soon okay, bud? Take care of Mom and Erika.” She kissed him on the nose.

Reina waited until she was in her car to fully break down. She was so tired of fighting with her dad all the time. All she ever wanted was a normal father-daughter relationship with her dad. No one actually knows this but her father was partially the reason why she started cutting in the first place. He constantly made her hate herself and made her think that everything she did was wrong and though that feeling isn’t as strong, it came back with a vengeance whenever she saw her dad.

As Reina tried to regain composure before driving home, she heard a tap on her window and saw Evan peering through the frost. He jumped into the passenger seat and wrapped his arms around her. “I heard the yelling,” he said. Evan lived next door and she often hid out in his house when she was younger, adopting his parents as a second set of parents.

“I’m so sick of him, Evan. I just hate having to call him my father.” She sobbed into his shoulder. “You don’t hate him, he’s your dad.” He comforted her. “No, Evan, I do. He single-handedly tore my family apart and I can never forgive him for that. He doesn’t even realize it.” She pulled away and wiped the mascara now streaming down her cheeks.

“We can’t choose our parents, kiddo,” he said calmly, “unfortunately, some of us are given ones that are also our worst enemies but those who are, are secretly blessed with the opportunity to be strong and independent.” he said, as though quoting one of his philosophy textbooks.

“Thanks, Ev.” She said as she fixed herself in the rearview mirror. “Want me to come over?” he offered. “That’s okay, Ev. I kind of just want to have a night to myself if you don’t mind.”

Evan was quick to say that he’s always available. Reina took the long way home as she played her favourite band during these times, Pierce the Veil. She pulled up into her driveway and sighed as she tried to erase all the words of her father from her mind. She keeps repeating the lyrics “I swear to God, I’m gonna change the world.” By Pierce the Veil to herself which always comforted her whenever she had a fallout with her dad.

She kicked off her shoes the moment she got in the door and collapsed on the couch in the living room. “Don’t do it, don’t do it,” she repeated to herself, “You don’t need those things to feel better.” She recited, “Don’t give him the satisfaction, Jordan would be so disappointed.” She said finally. She had two versions of the night planned out. She was either going to curl up in a blanket and watch the stars on her rooftop with a cup of apple cider or she was going to sit in her bathroom and wash down a handful of pain killers with a cup of Malibu and orange juice.

As she contemplated pulling herself up from the couch, the phone rang as it recited Jordan’s phone number. She slowly moved towards the closest phone and answered weakly, “Hello?”

“Hey babe, what are you up to?” he said. “Deciding between a date with either alcohol or apple cider.” She said quietly. “I forbid you to go into the alcohol cabinet,” he said sternly, “Tell me what happened, babe.”

She sighed as she recited the events of the evening finishing with, “I can’t even stand being in the same city as him anymore, Jordan. I’d hate to leave my mom and Erika but it’s so emotionally draining.”

“You wouldn’t be abandoning them,” Jordan comforted her. “Just hold on ‘till May, babe. You’ll be graduated and moving up here. You can start proving him wrong. Now promise me you won’t do anything to hurt yourself.” His tone shifted back to stern.

“I promise. I’ll just sit on the roof and watch the stars then.” She sighed, “I love you.”