Stomach Tied In Knots.

I felt tears threaten to fall as I looked at the picture in the hallway. They seemed so happy, now look at us. It was my mom and dad when I was just a little kid, we were at a lake and they were helping me build a sandcastle.

I always wonder what would have happened if my mom never cheated on my dad, would we still be happy? It feels like it was just yesterday.

~Backflash~

"Dammit Rachel what in the hell is wrong with you!"

"Oh calm down Mark" my mother said walking past him into the living room

"Calm down? You want me to calm down, you cheated on me in my house with our daughter right across the hall from us, why the fuck would you do that?"

"Why? Mark you think you would have noticed a long time ago that I haven't been exactly happy in this house, with you, hell not even with Valeria! I hate my life is that the answer you want? Or how about this one? You're just not doing it for me." She yelled at my father

"How could you...how can you say that you're not happy with your life? You have a great family, a wonderful daughter and what used to be a caring husband ha seems not anymore though"

"What exactly does that mean?"

"If you're so unhappy with your life then congrats you got your wish, I'm filling for divorce and you can start all over, with your new husband and new life." My father yelled before I heard him coming upstairs and getting his stuff.

~present time~

By now I didn't care that I was practically bawling my eyes out, it's not like anyone was home anyways. I mean I'll admit we weren't a perfect family, we had our problems like every one else but I never would have thought my mother would have been that unhappy with her life. I put the picture down and wiped at my eyes trying to stop the tears. I went up to my room and plugged in my ipod and let the music blare while I went to the bathroom.

*it's hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted, it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away
What stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day*

I looked around desperately for the razor not caring that i was dropping everything from it's place.

*So here's your holiday,
hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away
it was mine, so when you're dead and gone
will you remember this night, twenty years now lost,
it's not right.*

I whimpered as I felt the cold blade run along my wrist. The red ink staining the floor.

*Their anger hurts my ears, been running strong for seven years
Rather then fix the problems, they never solve them, it makes no sense at all
I see them everyday, we get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants, then why is there so much pain?*

I looked at my wrist, the fair skinned wrist covered in scars and now currently with a sea of red. It's been like this ever since that day, from that day forward everything stopped. I stopped talking to my friends, anyone, not even my mother. I mean I'd talk from time to time but not as much as before.

Just two more years and i'm off. Away from this place that used to be home, away from all the taunting,away from my mother, away from my past, away from everybody.

Just need to get through this year and next year and that's all, it's not like I'm going to become friends with anyone soon so why care.