Status: In progress.
So Here's One Right From My Heart, My Life Right From the Start
my sole intention is keeping my head in the clouds.
Myca. SHIT! MYCA! “try the bar” i yelled. I heard footsteps getting quiter as they walked away from the door. “I’m going to get showered and go meet her at the bar.” Danny pulled the covers back and jumped up and headed towards the bathroom. I just sat in the bed. thinking. What was he going to do? He must be breaking up with her tonight, Does this mean that we were a couple? Are we gay because we had sex? How am i going to break up with Sam? How are we going to tell the band? So many unanswered questions. Danny came out of the shower in his towel wrapped around him, avoiding eye contact. He got some clothes from his bag and took them into the bathroom. what was he doing? its not like i haven’t seen it all before. He came out a few moments later fully dressed and headed to the door. He didn’t say goodbye he didn’t even look at me. What have we done? Have we ruined the whole friendship for one night? It wasn’t even a drunken mistake because i didn’t have that much to drink. He couldn’t hate me, it was him that started it. He wanted to spoon ME. He started kissing MY neck. He couldn’t be mad at me. I got up from the bed and my stomach growled. GOD I am so hungry. I need to get food and i need to talk to Danny. I through back the covers and headed for the shower
I hit the button on the shower and climbed in the cubical. The water started off freeing and then slowly warmed up. It really woke me up. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was Half past 7 and Ive had no sleep. My stomach kept growling and i felt really sick. I grabbed the towel beside the shower , it was so soft against my skin and warm too. i walked out and rummaged through my bag to get some clothes. i grabbed a pair of boxers and a clean jean and slipped them on and then grabbed a clean vest and a strange red hoody which i don’t remember buying but it must be mine because it was in my bag. i put them on and the hoody was so warm against my skin. I grabbed my phone and keys and headed out the door into the corridor. It was stunningly bright and white. i walked a few paces and stopped at the next door. Sam and Cameron’s room. I knocked on the door and yelled through the door. “hey guys you up and coming for food. “um err give us ten minutes and we’ll be down.” Sam responded. “Okay man, Get James too?” I mumbled yeah was responded.
I walked down the corridor and walked down to the large marble lobby where i saw Myca and Danny standing at the bar. Danny nodded and shouted my name indicating for me to go over. This was going to be awkward. “Hey guys im starving, have you’s ordered yet?” I said as i grabbed a chair beside them. “not yet, work up an apatite last night with that girl?” Myca asked. Danny shot me a death glare. “um yeah something like that.” I responded. Danny and I didn’t look at each other. “So what looks good here?” i had to get off the topic of last night. Danny moved closer to Myca and held her hand over the table. He began to kiss her on the cheek. The waiter came along and put drinks on the table. We sat and looked at the menu, generally chatting before ordering. “Danny, sweetie?” Myca turned looking confused at me. “yeah?” Danny replied. “isn’t that the jumper i got you for your birthday that Ben’s wearing?” Oh god. i was wearing Danny’s jumper. “So it is, why are you wearing it Ben?” “I-I-I- I just found it and thought i bought it here have it back. Take it back.” “Don’t be so silly, i think its cute that you’re wearing his jumper. You guys are like a couple.” Myca joked. Oh if only she knew. A hungover James stumbled down the stairs as soon as our food arrived. I wonder where Sam and Cameron where?
As we finished our food, Sam and Cameron arrived red faced and soaking wet. We sat until about half 11 before we had to the venue and sound check. Our tour manager came and picked us all up. Everyone including Myca. Danny and Myca sat cuddling and kissing all the way there. It made me feel really sick in the bottom of stomach. I just wanted to rip her off and kiss him again. I was getting so jelous. Cameron and Sam kept looking at each other in a kind of sexy way. I thought it was nothing but maybe. We arrived at the gig and Myca and Danny had stopped sucking face. “Can i talk to you man?” Sam asked. This was weird. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and said “yeah sure, come for a fag?” He nodded and we walked off the bus. “coming inside?” Danny asked me. I jokely winked at him but he gave me his death glare again. “Be in after this babe.” i joked. Myca walked out and he grabbed her by the waist and started grouping her in front of me. ergh. They walked forward and Cameron and James followed behind them. “So, whats up?” I took a drink of my juice.
Sam took a deep breath. “i’m in love with Cameron.” In shock, I spat my juice all over his face. “Shit sorry.” Sam just laughted. “wait. so youre gay?” I enquizzed. Sam laughed again
“Its not that i’m gay, its just him. Hes so lovely and handsome and funny and we kissed a few days ago and i liked it and it keeps happening and im not sure how he feels about me but i think i love him Ben and i dont know what to do. I get all shy when hes around and i get butterflies in my tummy and he makes me so happy and hes just so perfect and i want to be with him all the time. He touches my face and i get shivers, i just want to be with him and cuddle him and kiss him and fuck him and he makes me feel like everything is good in the world. my phone buzzes and i hope its him and when he talks to me i just choke. Do you get that with girl Sam?” I did get that with someone. But it wasn’t girl Sam. It was Danny. God, i loved him too but i couldn’t. i cant love him. “Ben?” i was daydreaming. “shit sorry man, i understand how you feel but you need to make sure that Cam feels the same otherwise you’re just getting dicked about.” Sam smiled at me “thank you.” i finished my cigarette and flicked and we began to walked towards the venue where Danny and Myca were kissing and groping each other. i didn’t realise how mad it made me to see them together. I crushed the glass that was in my hand and stormed off to the bathroom.
I couldn’t contain it anymore. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as i looked at myself in the mirror over the sink. I looked at my hand it was covered in glass and blood flowed over the sink and smeared on the side where i was leaning. It hurts like a bitch. The door opened and Danny’s head popped round. He walked in and looked at the tears running down my face. “What the fuck is wrong with you Ben?” I got really angry ”ME?!” i yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE IN THERE TOUCHING HER AND KISSING HER WHEN WE HAD SEX LAST NIGHT. I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME. YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO SHOW ME THAT YOU LOVED ME AND YOU FUCKING DID AND NOW YOU ARE IN THERE PRETENDING LIKE IT WAS NOTHING. WELL IT WASN’T NOTHING TO ME. I FUCKING LOVE YOU DANIEL WORSNOP AND YOU COULDN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME.” the tears rolled down my cheeks, it was uncontrollable. I collapsed to the ground and put my hands in my head as Danny watched me. ” I do fucking love you Benji, its complex. I love her too.” I was so angry i couldn’t even look at him.
“FUCKING CHOOSE. ME OR HER!!”
I hit the button on the shower and climbed in the cubical. The water started off freeing and then slowly warmed up. It really woke me up. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was Half past 7 and Ive had no sleep. My stomach kept growling and i felt really sick. I grabbed the towel beside the shower , it was so soft against my skin and warm too. i walked out and rummaged through my bag to get some clothes. i grabbed a pair of boxers and a clean jean and slipped them on and then grabbed a clean vest and a strange red hoody which i don’t remember buying but it must be mine because it was in my bag. i put them on and the hoody was so warm against my skin. I grabbed my phone and keys and headed out the door into the corridor. It was stunningly bright and white. i walked a few paces and stopped at the next door. Sam and Cameron’s room. I knocked on the door and yelled through the door. “hey guys you up and coming for food. “um err give us ten minutes and we’ll be down.” Sam responded. “Okay man, Get James too?” I mumbled yeah was responded.
I walked down the corridor and walked down to the large marble lobby where i saw Myca and Danny standing at the bar. Danny nodded and shouted my name indicating for me to go over. This was going to be awkward. “Hey guys im starving, have you’s ordered yet?” I said as i grabbed a chair beside them. “not yet, work up an apatite last night with that girl?” Myca asked. Danny shot me a death glare. “um yeah something like that.” I responded. Danny and I didn’t look at each other. “So what looks good here?” i had to get off the topic of last night. Danny moved closer to Myca and held her hand over the table. He began to kiss her on the cheek. The waiter came along and put drinks on the table. We sat and looked at the menu, generally chatting before ordering. “Danny, sweetie?” Myca turned looking confused at me. “yeah?” Danny replied. “isn’t that the jumper i got you for your birthday that Ben’s wearing?” Oh god. i was wearing Danny’s jumper. “So it is, why are you wearing it Ben?” “I-I-I- I just found it and thought i bought it here have it back. Take it back.” “Don’t be so silly, i think its cute that you’re wearing his jumper. You guys are like a couple.” Myca joked. Oh if only she knew. A hungover James stumbled down the stairs as soon as our food arrived. I wonder where Sam and Cameron where?
As we finished our food, Sam and Cameron arrived red faced and soaking wet. We sat until about half 11 before we had to the venue and sound check. Our tour manager came and picked us all up. Everyone including Myca. Danny and Myca sat cuddling and kissing all the way there. It made me feel really sick in the bottom of stomach. I just wanted to rip her off and kiss him again. I was getting so jelous. Cameron and Sam kept looking at each other in a kind of sexy way. I thought it was nothing but maybe. We arrived at the gig and Myca and Danny had stopped sucking face. “Can i talk to you man?” Sam asked. This was weird. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and said “yeah sure, come for a fag?” He nodded and we walked off the bus. “coming inside?” Danny asked me. I jokely winked at him but he gave me his death glare again. “Be in after this babe.” i joked. Myca walked out and he grabbed her by the waist and started grouping her in front of me. ergh. They walked forward and Cameron and James followed behind them. “So, whats up?” I took a drink of my juice.
Sam took a deep breath. “i’m in love with Cameron.” In shock, I spat my juice all over his face. “Shit sorry.” Sam just laughted. “wait. so youre gay?” I enquizzed. Sam laughed again
“Its not that i’m gay, its just him. Hes so lovely and handsome and funny and we kissed a few days ago and i liked it and it keeps happening and im not sure how he feels about me but i think i love him Ben and i dont know what to do. I get all shy when hes around and i get butterflies in my tummy and he makes me so happy and hes just so perfect and i want to be with him all the time. He touches my face and i get shivers, i just want to be with him and cuddle him and kiss him and fuck him and he makes me feel like everything is good in the world. my phone buzzes and i hope its him and when he talks to me i just choke. Do you get that with girl Sam?” I did get that with someone. But it wasn’t girl Sam. It was Danny. God, i loved him too but i couldn’t. i cant love him. “Ben?” i was daydreaming. “shit sorry man, i understand how you feel but you need to make sure that Cam feels the same otherwise you’re just getting dicked about.” Sam smiled at me “thank you.” i finished my cigarette and flicked and we began to walked towards the venue where Danny and Myca were kissing and groping each other. i didn’t realise how mad it made me to see them together. I crushed the glass that was in my hand and stormed off to the bathroom.
I couldn’t contain it anymore. Tears started rolling down my cheeks as i looked at myself in the mirror over the sink. I looked at my hand it was covered in glass and blood flowed over the sink and smeared on the side where i was leaning. It hurts like a bitch. The door opened and Danny’s head popped round. He walked in and looked at the tears running down my face. “What the fuck is wrong with you Ben?” I got really angry ”ME?!” i yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE IN THERE TOUCHING HER AND KISSING HER WHEN WE HAD SEX LAST NIGHT. I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME. YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO SHOW ME THAT YOU LOVED ME AND YOU FUCKING DID AND NOW YOU ARE IN THERE PRETENDING LIKE IT WAS NOTHING. WELL IT WASN’T NOTHING TO ME. I FUCKING LOVE YOU DANIEL WORSNOP AND YOU COULDN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME.” the tears rolled down my cheeks, it was uncontrollable. I collapsed to the ground and put my hands in my head as Danny watched me. ” I do fucking love you Benji, its complex. I love her too.” I was so angry i couldn’t even look at him.
“FUCKING CHOOSE. ME OR HER!!”