I Wanna Get Well

By the time we went into the studio later, everyone was in a much better mood. They had bounced through so many songs that I wasn’t sure which were which and if any had been finished. But all I cared about was that the guys, and Val who demanded to come along, were laughing. They were happy and laughing, that was all that I cared about.We were there a lot later than I thought we’d be - though I didn’t mind. It was just odd leaving at eight o’clock at night instead of two or three in the afternoon.

After forcing the rest of the guys to head home, Matt thanked me for coming with Johnny. I wanted to ask about it - it seemed odd he'd say that so randomly - but Johnny simply took my hand, bid Matt and Val farewell, and led me to his car. Soon enough we were pulling into the parking lot at Sally’s Beauty Supply, where he had decided he’d buy my hair dye for me.

Apparently this was where he went all the time for his dye. I say this because the moment we walked in a pretty, brunette haired girl sighed in an almost impatient way. “I told you Johnny, I am not allowing you to buy anything to ruin that hair of yours. It’s so gorgeous when you don’t have it so gross and dye’s just going to kill it.” It was silent for a moment before she looked up from her magazine. Her green eyes blinked in surprise and a hand covered her mouth. “I am so sorry! I didn’t realize you had someone with you!”

Johnny chuckled and gave my intertwined hand a squeeze as we approached the counter. “Hey Rachel. This is my girlfriend, Phoenix. And no, I’m not here to get anything for myself, Nix would like to dye her hair black.”

“Hello! Nice to meet you. I’m Rachel McAdams. I knew this sucker and his friends growing up,” Rachel introduced, shaking my hand. “Make this boy take care of his hair! Took me forever to convince him to have this hairstyle. It looks good on him and he never even bothers to style it,” Rachel complained, glaring playfully at Johnny.

“I’ll make him, don’t worry,” I joked, winking. Rachel grinned gleefully.

“I like her, Johnny. Definitely a keeper! Much better than some of the other skanks you associated yourself with.” I saw Johnny’s eyes go dark before it was gone again and he was smiling. Obviously he didn’t like speaking of any girls he used to have. In the end Rachel grinned at me and led me towards the back of the store. Johnny was still attached to my hand so he was forced with, holding onto my waist as we walked down the narrow aisle. “So what color were you thinking of?”

“Just black. I’m tired of light hair and not keen on keeping up with colorful ones,” I replied, wrinkling my nose. She nodded, seeming to know what I was talking about. We took forever just to pick out the basic, black dye I had come for since the three of us got caught up in talk of their old school days. I had bothered to remind them once that we were at her job, which was answered with laughs.

“Hun, I’m the manager. It’s not like anyone could do anything. Besides, I closed thirty minutes ago. I was just waiting for my boyfriend,” Rachel replied. And with that we were back into our conversation about the time Johnny had gotten suspended from school for coming to class high and making out with a dummy in tech theater.

By the time Rachel bid us farewell and left with her boyfriend, it was already nine-ten. We headed home and Johnny hepled me with my dye. For the thirty minutes we had to waited I convinced Johnny to watch an episode of Doctor Who. I showed him the episode with the Weeping Angels with the tenth Doctor and he was asking me a million questions, obviously confused with the time jumps. I just kissed his lips and walked away, leaving him to the last fifteen minutes. By his exclaims I figured he enjoyed the ending.

Once the dye was out, hair was blow dried, and I had changed into pajamas; I walked back into the living room. Johnny had decided to continue to watch the next episode and as he turned to me with wide eyes and a very blank face, I knew he was absolutely lost. I chuckled, sitting next to him and taking the XBOX controller, leaving the Doctor Who episode behind to see the Netflix screen. “But who is that guy who grabbed the ship thingy?!”

“It’s called the TARDIS and that was Captain Jack Harkness. It would take too long to explain it all,” I spoke when I saw his face get more confused. He opened his mouth to argue and I quickly added, “We’ll have a marathon, okay? Then you’ll understand more.”

He studied me for a minute before smiling and pulling me onto his lap. “Okay.” He looked up at me and began to pet my hair. I placed my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around my waist, petting in longer strides. “I really like the black. It fits you.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, my eyes shut. I was really sleepy today for some reason and Johnny wasn’t making it much better. Suddenly I was being jolted awake by the phone in my pocket. I had been carrying around the very silent device out of habit. But even so, after a few days it surprised me to hear the thing going off. I guess the billing cycle wasn’t over yet. Johnny groaned as I stood up to answer it. I laughed, waving my hand at him. “Shut up. It’s probably just a wrong number.”

I was wrong. Oh, I was very wrong. As I pulled the phone out of my pocket I saw ‘Dad’ flash on the ID. Parker had added in his number, insisting that he would probably call when I had gotten out. Yeah, he hadn’t and I didn’t have the faintest idea on why he would now. I could tell this had physically shaken me since Johnny was in front of me in moments, frowning as he looked at the caller. “Do you want to ignore it?”

I had given Johnny the rough version of the problems with my family when I was sent away. As much as I wanted to ignore him, I couldn’t. It wasn’t him I was worried about. It was my grandmother. I pecked his lips before walking down the hall, clicking the ‘accept’ button as I went. I didn’t speak until I had reached the patio, shutting the door behind me. I took a deep breath and braced myself.

“Hi Dad.”

“Hi Fee.” He sounded older. Well, I mean, I guess he is older than when I had last heard from him two years ago. But no, its not in that sense. He sounded exactly as someone would if their daughter hated their guts, their wife had committed suicide, and son seemed teetered in the middle of hating yet still loving them. He sounded nearly seventy instead of forty-five.

It lapsed into silence. It was like stepping into enemy lines and waiting to see if you had stepped on a mine. After a few moments, deciding I hadn’t blown up, I forced out, “How is Grammy?”

“She’s, uh, she’s okay. She’s getting a bit fuzzier. Sometimes forgets about Lisa,” Dad struggled to tell me. Grammy was Mom’s mom but Dad had always loved her as his own mother, especially since Grandma Rosa had passed away when he was a baby, his father deciding to quit school to raise him. Grandpa Curtis was currently in Greece “needing to see the place before [he] was too old”. Sadly Grammy was also slowly succumbing to alzheimer's and was beginning to forget about Mom. But that was pretty much due to the fact no one spoke about her.

I wanted to spit that out at him, but I held back. It was nice to hear his voice, though I would never admit it out loud. It reminded me of a time before I had mental disorders and he was still my hero. Such a long time ago.

“How are you?” Dad finally spoke. I paused, leaning forward on the railing surrounding the back porch. It was dark outside, the only light being the soft one above the back door. I knew there was a switch to turn on the other lights but I didn’t care for all that. The dark seemed to make my thoughts sharper.

“Okay I guess,” I admitted. “Better than before.”

“That’s good,” he replied. It fell silent again. I still couldn’t think why he would be calling me. Obviously he doesn’t have much to say to catch up or otherwise this would be a lot faster conversation. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, he sighed in a way that suggested he was about to break and spill his story to me. I stayed quiet, forcing myself to be patient. “I guess you figured by now I have a reason to call you.”

“What that reason is is the big question,” I spoke, letting him know I’d been thinking about it this whole time. “What’s going on Dad?”

“I talked to Parker - ” I glared into the night. Of course he had. “Phoenix, I’m really worried.”

“Going to send me off to a mental hospital again?” I snapped. I knew it was rude, but really? He hadn't spoken to me in over two years, even when I would call the house, sobbing and begging, to come home and try to get better in the comfort of my own environment. But no, I was ignored. He never let anyone answer as long as he was home because he said it wasn't going to make me better. Well neither was isolating me. I still resent him, I don’t care how childish it is.

“I’m serious Phoenix. I talked to Parker and he’s scared to death.”

“No, he’s not. Parker is afraid because I’m making friends and having a life, and I’m happy. He’s stuck in an endless amount of work and breathing down my neck all the time. If you want to worry about someone, he’s the prime option out of your kids!”

“There’s no need to shout Phoenix,” Dad said calmly. It fueled me even more. I didn't care if he was in his forties, I was about to fly to Nevada and kick his ass.

“No, obviously I do. I am happy where I am. I can’t help it if Parker nor you believes me. If its going to be like this, then I don’t want either of you in my life. I thought at least Parker was on my side all these years but I could see he just wants to root for the underdog. Please don’t bother calling anymore until you actually give a fuck about me!”

I hung up and took all I could to not throw the phone across the lawn and into the fence. I, instead, gripped it tightly in my hand as I headed back inside, shutting the door a little too harshly. I headed back into the living room where Johnny had been pacing right in front of the doorway. He looked at me with concern in his eyes. I could feel my own start to fill with tears.

“What happened? Are you okay? You’re shivering.” When I didn't answer he took me into his arms. I didn't noticed I had been shaking until I wrapped my arms around his torso. I buried my face into his shirt, sniffling. I didn't speak at all as he picked me up - me wrapping my legs around his waist - and carried me to his room. He laid in the large bed with me on top of him, in the exact same position as like he carried me.

I’m not sure when I fell asleep but I did. The only thing I remembered was Johnny subbing my back and telling me it would be okay. He didn't push me to talk. He didn't try to do anything when I was at such a vulnerable state. He just let me cry and shake on him. I knew he probably was sore with my weight on his body for so long but I couldn't remember him ever complaining. It was only a few days and he was such an important person in my life already.

And the only big male that seemed to be on my side anymore.