Motion Sickness

Ape looked at Mikey. "We need to stop."

"Why?"

"Because I want him the fuck out of the car!"

He just leaned back on his seat with his arms crossed, shaking his head. "You're so fucking stubborn Taylor."

I refused to say anything. If I did, I might seriously break down.

"Shut the fuck up Frank! You don't know what happened! Hell you've only known her for a fucking day and you act like you've got her all figured out! Mikey! Pull the fuck over I want him OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR!"

"Hold on, April!" Mikey had his phone out. She didn't have to do this, but I didn't bother saying anything.

She spun her head back around, her long brown hair flying as she glared at Frank.

"You know, its kind of obvious! People can't just not love people! It's a fucking god given emotion! And you know what?! Our arguement has fuck to do with you either!"

Mikey was talking to someone on the phone, as we exited off the hiway.

"Taylor can do whatever the hell she wants! If she says she doesnt love people then she doesnt fucking have to! Thats between her and herself! And she's my best fucking friend I'm not gonna let you shove her around like that!" We had pulled into a gas station, and the three of them had gotten out of the car. The guys' van was already parked in front of the store.

Frank left his door open, and taking a step closer to Ape, "You know what? You're fucking right! She can do whatever the fuck she wants. But I don't really see her out here standing up for herself and denying anything!"

I couldn't take it anymore. I let a tear go passed my glasses, and I got out after him. He spun around and stared at me. My voice was barely in a whisper, "Fine. Here I fucking am. And you know what Frank? I dont love anybody. And I sure as fuck don't love you. As a matter of fact, I fucking hate you. And I hope I never fucking see you're pretty face or smell your natural fucking cologne or hear your stupid sarcasm ever the fuck again. So go jump off a fucking cliff. And make your last words worth it, so I can tell the next guy that wants to know my name."

He glared at me, "You think you're so fucking cool, Taylor. You know you can walk up to any guy and blow them away with your amazing personality and looks. But you cant be easy. You've got to have some fucked up philosophy on love, right? You think you're so fucking great. That you're so fucking original with your style and your last words and your look on life. Grow the fuck up."

More tears started falling. And, out of impulse, I punched him, as hard as I could.

He stumbled backward a little, holding his nose. I just stood there, with my hands in my face as I started crying harder.

Gerard, Ray and Bob ran over to Frank. And Ape ran over to me. "Come on, lets go."

I rubbed my nose, and with a small cough I said, "I'm driving."

She didn't argue, just handed me the keys, and I walked briskly to the drivers side.

"April.." Mikey stopped her before she could get in the passengers side.

"Sorry Mikey, but I dont think we'll be able to hang out with you."

"But thats just Frank. Forget about him. We can still talk right?"

She sighed, getting in the car, "I'm sorry, but I'm only with her as a guest. And the rules are, if she doesnt like it, we move on. Bye Mikey."

She shut the door, and I started back out the hiway. I looked over at her, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. I knew she didnt want to leave him. "You didn't have to do that Ape."

She didn't say anything. Just sat there for a minute. Then she leaned up, "I love you Taylor. I know I didnt, but I did."

I drove the whole way to New York. Straight fucking through New Jersey without a single stop. And I felt miserable the whole way. So, what if I did let myself love people?

The thought of it made me cry more. Letting myself get set up for that again felt like I was asking for an executioner.

I didn't feel like stopping in New York. And Ape didn't argue. It was silent the whole way there. Two and a half hours later, once we crossed into Connecticut, Ape decided to break the silence. "So, where do you wanna go?" she said in her soft, feminine voice.

It had been forever. And I had pretty much slowed the crying, but talking about it, and proving it was real, made it worse. "Thats why I don't love people, you know." I sniffled, quickly running my fingers under my eye. "He seemed cool. But..he.."

"Don't worry about it," she said quickly. "You know T? Sometimes I agree with you. Everytime something bad happens, or we have to leave, like Ryan, or Mikey? I always feel terrible. And if I didn't love them, or want to be around them, I wouldn't miss them. I wish I was like you. I wish I could make myself be like that."

I wiped away a few more tears, "It takes one good beating before you know what not to do."

She didn't say anything for a while. Once we got into Stamford she replied, "Let's go to a hotel, order cheap pizza and watch bad tv. Then drink all the drinks from the mini bar and not pay for it. What do you think?"

I smiled. Ape's amazing.

We pulled into the parking lot of a Hilton. Sure it's expensive, but we've got money to splurge. We got all checked in and we went straight to our room.

I laid down on the bed, with my face in my pillow. I took off my glasses and heard Ape rummaging through some things. I listened as she ordered pizza. We both had this thing with extra cheese. I hate pepperoni.

I could hear glasses clinking together. "One thing I hate about mini bars? The drinks are always mini too. Makes me feel like a midget." I watched as she poured the contents of a tiny bottle into a glass and set it on the bedside table. She did the same for herself and took a sip.

"Oh, but drinking isn't anywhere near as bad, right? Miss I-got-trashed-at-junior-campout?!"

I stared at the drink. Ape noticed. "Taylor, don't worry about it. He has no idea what its like to do what you do. He doesn't understand. He's reading from the top and critisizing. If you want a drink, then take one. Don't waste your time thinking over a faggot like him."

She's right. He doesn't understand. I have my reasons, and he doesnt know. I sat up and grabbed the drink, letting the alcohol burn my throat. It made me wish I was old enough to legally drink, so we could have more.

After a while, the pizza came. Ape was right about the bad tv thing. Pretty much shit. We ended up ordering a movie or two on pay-per-view. That wasnt so bad. But we talked most of the time anyway.

"You know, he really did seem cool." For some reason I couldn't stop saying that. I couldn't stand how I let my guard down for that long, to let him crush me like that. I took another drink.

She nodded, "You guys got along really well. I can't believe he did that. Do you think he likes you?"

I laughed, more from sarcasm though. "Oh yea definately. Not."

She smiled, "I dont know, T. He did sleep with you."

I smiled, remembering the shit he gave me the next morning. The alcohol was helping me relax a bit. I wasnt buzzed or anything though. There wasnt enough in the little refridgerator for that.

Her phone beeped. I glanced over, and watched as she texted, then shut it again. I looked back up at the tv. We had been watching Scary Movie. It's kind of funny, believe it or not.

"I kinda never want to see them again, you know?" I commented, looking over at her.

She nodded, "Yea, no matter how much fun they were. It's probably best just to forget about them and move on. Like you said, we've got the whole east coast to make friends with." She gave me a small, warm smile. And it made me feel a little better.

Her phone beeped again. She opened it and laughed, "I think someones prank texting me.."

I smiled, its always funny when people do that. "Really? Is it someone from Carolina?"

"No dude, I don't recognize the number at all," she replied. "They said 'who is this?' and I said 'depends, who's this?' and they said 'Rocky Balboa, you?'. What should I say?" she asked with a smile.

I thought about it for a second, then I smirked. "Say your naked, and capitalize it."

Her smile got bigger as she started punching in the numbers.

I looked back at the tv. I was starting to get tired. Alcohol kind of does that to me if I don't drink much. "I think I'm gonna go to bed."

She nodded, while taking a drink. Her phone beeped again. "Yea me too. I'm pretty tired." She turned off the tv and I curled up under the blanket, wishing everything away as she turned off the light.

I'll never go to New Jersey or Philadelphia again. I'll never talk to Frank, Mikey, Ali, Ray, or any of those guys again. It'll just be another memory for this trip, and life will go back to normal.

What I didn't know though? Was that while Ape was texting under her blanket, we were still talking to Frank and Mikey, with every beep of her phone.