Motion Sickness

Have you ever felt like you wanted to just jump up and down, spin in circles, and rip your hair out, all at once from confusion and frustration? That's exactly what I felt like.

And I'm not a commonly confused person. So that just made it worse.

I really felt insecure. Unsafe. As if I was letting my guard down again, and he was standing right there, ready to stab me at any time.

It really freaked me out.

"This doesnt mean I love you," I repeated, for like, the fourth time. It was five in the morning, so we decided to walk to the Waffle House next to mine and Apes hotel.

He smirked, and said once again. "I know, Taylor."

I crossed my arms, cringing my shoulders from the cool breeze. I wasnt really that cold, it just really made me scared. Thats how insecure I was. I felt like I was about to puke.

"So you're middle names really Micheal?" he asked, attempting to change the subject.

"Yea," was all I said.

He didn't say anything for a second. Then, under his breath, he replied, "Taylor Micheal Calvin.. No offense but that really sounds like a guys name. Having Calvin for a last name doesnt help much."

I smiled a little, taking advantage of the subject change. I'd take anything that got my mind off of this right now. "Yea. Back in Carolina, I used to get shit for it all the time in grade school. The Micheal part anyway."

He opened the door for me and I walked to a booth back in the corner. The floor was black and white checkered, but it was dirty and gross. And the white light made me feel like I was in some sort of kiddie interrogation office. Even though it was just a restaurant.

This is Taylor, freaking out!

I crossed my arms on the table and laid my head down. "I need medication," I said quietly.

"Whats wrong?"

I couldn't think of how to explain it. I looked up, with my head still resting on my arms. "I don't love you. You know that right?"

He smiled, "You sound like you're more trying to convince yourself then me.."

"No. I just dont understand how you can like me so much when I don't love you."

He frowned, "You're not gonna convince me you've never had a crush on someone before."

I sat up and put my elbows on the table, resting my chin on my hands. "So, you..pretty much have a crush on me?"

He looked down at the table shyly. "Yea..I..I guess. A pretty open one I suppose.."

I looked down at the table. It was becoming more interesting by the second.

"Well, while we're having this awkward conversation, what made you stop..loving people?" he asked, fairly interested.

"Past relationship," I said flatly. I never told anyone what happened. I think Ape's the only person that actually knows, and thats just because she was there.

"What happened?"

I looked up at him, glaring slightly. "Uncool shit. Shit that made me decide living a life without love would be better then with." I paused for a second, glancing back down, "Shit that I don't want to talk about."

"How can I change your mind if I don't know what started it?"

I smirked, leaning back in my booth, "I didn't ask you to."

He scoffed in frustration, "You agreed to give me a chance!"

"And you get what you get."

He didn't say anything for a second. Just spun a napkin around absentmindedly on the table. "Can I ask you questions? Yes or no questions?"

I thought about it for a second. What could that hurt? "Sure I guess."

He smiled, "Awesome. Ok, so...well, did he rape you?"

I laughed lightly, "No."

He nodded and searched the table for his next question. "Hm..was he violent? Abusive much?"

I thought about it for a second. "I guess you could call it that."

He frowned, not happy with my answer. "Did he hit you?"

"Nah."

"So..he wasnt physically abusive. More like..verbally?"

"And mentally," I added, with a small smile for sarcasm.

He made a small 'o' shape with his mouth, as if that explained everything. "So how long did you guys date?"

I glared slightly. He's getting off the whole 'yes or no answer' deal. "Two and a half years."

"Damn thats a long time for a high school relationship," he replied, surprised.

"No shit."

He gazed at me with an interested expression, "So why did you date him for that long if he was mentally abusive or whatever?"

I glanced at the walls. They were straight white. Slightly tinted with brown from the grease in the air. The floors sick tile. The tables black powdered smooth finish. It disgusted me. And the white light, giving the place that interrogation feel I was telling you about before.

And it didn't help that I was seriously being interrogated.

"I don't wanna be here."

I stood up and he looked up in shock. "What? Why?"

"I don't like it, lets go back to the hotel," I grabbed his jacket lightly, pulling him up a little. It might be weird, that I was trying to get him to stay. But he got me into this conversation and I felt more on the verge of mental death then ever. As if I was gonna let me deal with it alone.

He seemed to notice it too, the whole trying to get him to follow me thing. He got up happily and walked next to me. "But wont we wake April up?"

"Talk quietly."

We walked out of the restaurant, I had my arms crossed, his hands in his pockets.

Silence...

Under the awning. Through the silent sliding doors. Passed the blonde chick behind the counter, clicking away on her computer. To the elevator.

Ding.

"What floor?"

"Two."

He pushed the button and the doors slid closed again, and my stomach moved a little as the elevator went up.

Silence...

My arms were still crossed. His now loosely at his sides.

The elevator dinged again, and the doors opened. I started walking out, but he pulled me back, quickly pushing seven and the 'Doors Closed' button.

"What the fuck?" I asked, slightly irritated, trying to get away from his grasp as the doors closed again.

"You never answered me."

I thought back to his question, and scoffed. "It's personal!"

"But I wanna know."

"But I don't wanna tell you!"

He rolled his eyes, "Then you better get used to this elevator. Cause we're not moving until you tell me."

The doors opened, and similar copy to the hallway I was suppose to be in appeared. Except with a brass 7 on the wall instead of a 2.

I glared at him, then pushed the button for the second floor again.

He reached over and pushed them all.

I scoffed, "What the fuck, why do you care?!"

"Because I do!"

I stared at him. His stupid hazel eyes staring back. What a dumbass. Doesnt he know that when someone stares at you you're suppose to look away?

I finally caved, as the door opened and showed floor six. "Because I fucking loved him for some god forsaken reason! I thought I did! Thats why I don't love people Frank because its for stupid people like YOU. Because it ruins your life!"

His expression softened, but I still glared at him angrily.

He advanced toward me, holding his arms out, ready to attack with a hug. "Taylor just because-"

I squeaked and shoved him away as the doors for the fifth floor opened. "What the fuck are you doing get away!!!!!"

He groaned in annoyance and rolled his eyes. Going back to the opposite corner of the elevator and crossing his arms. We must've looked like some sort of mafia, with our black beanies and annoyed stature.

We just stared at eachother in hatred and frustration. The doors for the fourth floor opened. It's annoying, standing there and waiting for them to close. So I shifted a little and tried to kick the 'Doors Closed' button. But I missed, so he pushed it for me.

Silence.

Glaring.

Tension.

Frustration.

Floor three.

He sighed. "Can I atleast give you a piggy-back ride to your room or something? You know, pretend like its the day before yesterday?"

I thought about it for a second. The day before yesterday was kind of fun. And it's not considered giving in if its just a piggy-back ride, is it?

The doors closed, and headed for floor two. "I suppose..." I said slowly. "But as long as its out of hatred."

He watched me for a second, trying to make sense of the statement. Then he smiled, "Of course. I absolutely hate you Taylor."

I walked to the middle of the elevator, and he crouched down a little as I jumped up on his back. He shifted his arms under my legs and I wrapped mine around his neck.

"I hate you too Frankie," I replied with a small smile, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Room 242."