Motion Sickness

Ape was being weird.

"He's just so..I don't know..too shy. Ya know? It's almost not fun. I feel terrible for saying that, but..you know what I mean?" she rambled, breathing heavily as we carried our laundry down to the first floor. The three flights of stairs were not getting any easier.

"Do you think it'll work between you guys?" She had been throwing out little annoyances about Mikey more often lately. It had been four days since me and Frank had stopped...being me and Frank. If that makes any sense.

She trotted down the last two stairs. Shifting her basket so she could wipe a bead of sweat from her hairline. It was late June and only the apartment rooms themselves were air conditioned. "Well, I don't think we were ever actually together. I mean, no doubt he likes me. And I think he's really cool! But..I don't think I could date him. It makes me feel bad."

The hallway was narrow toward the laundry room, and we had to walk single file. I threw my clothes in one of the washers, and Ape did the same in the next.

I still don't know what Frank said to them that day. But it must've been enough, because I never heard anything from it after that.

There was a radio in the laundry room, blaring Beck. I glanced over as Ape started swaying. "Sooooooy un prededor. I'm a loser babaay so why don't you kill me."

"Get crazy with the cheese whiz," I continued. Tossing some soap in.

"Soooy un prededor. I'm a loser baby, so why dont you kill me.."

"Drive by body-pierce," we both sang. It's amazing how me and Ape can just pick up like that. We started laughing and jokingly held hands and we marched back up the stairs.

"Mike D. Where art thou Gerard?" Frank blurted, getting a can of coke out of the fridge.

"No idea," he mumbled, next to him, making a salad. "You want some of this?"

"Sure thing," Frank replied, grabbing a baby carrot and crunching it in his mouth. I was sitting on the couch next to Ape, while Bob sat on the loveseat, as we watched Titanic. Don't ask.

Frank walked into the living room and stared at the tv. "Why the fuck are we watching this?!" Leave it to him.

"Hey! It's a classic! Watch yourself!" Bob retaliated threateningly. Frank just rolled his eyes and looked around for a place to sit. Before he could choose, Ape waved him over, to take the only spot next to her. Probably so Mikey wouldn't sit there.

I think he knew she was kind of pulling away from Mikey. It kind of made me sad a little, that her and him weren't working out. Ever since the first day that they seemed to click, I would've bet money thatd they'd be together for a long time.

"Has he said anything to you?" Frank asked her in a low whisper. She shook her head softly and he nodded, and focused his attention back on Titanic.

Not to sound jealous, but it almost bothered me that Frank knew about her and Mikey. I mean, I'm her best friend here. And Frank, we don't speak to eachother. Doesn't she feel uncomfortable befriending one of the people that refuse to speak to her best friend?

I quickly backtracked. I'm trying this new thing that doesn't involve me thinking of only myself. She can be friends with whoever she wants.

Frank glanced over at me. He just watched me, probably because I was watching him. I hadn't noticed I had been staring while I was thinking about him and Ape. I quickly turned back to Titanic and tried to forget about it.

"Thats like, fiftys porn right there," Bob commented, pointing to the screen where Jack was showing some of his drawings to Rose. They consisted of naked people, mostly. "They didn't have colour tv. So they had to have people like Jack here draw it. I bet teenagers had his artworks just hanging on the wall so they could jack it to something."

"Thats hot," Frank added. Ape laughed, and I smiled lightly. "I've got a few of those."

Another thing that was killing me, was how easily Frank had gone back to normal. Here he is joking around and being his normal immature self, when I hardly talk. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want to start awkward conversation with Frank. When before, he was the one that I mainly talked to. Him and Gerard, but I hardly talk to Gerard anymore either.

I wonder what Frank's thinking. Is he just playing? Pretending to be just fine to hurt me and make me feel alone? Or maybe he's pretending so that I'll feel better, and I'll just wave it off too? Is he seriously ok? Can he really just move on like that? Maybe thats my problem. He can handle love, because its so easy for him to move on.

Not that I like..love Frank or anything. Of course not.

But just look at him. Sitting there on the other side of Ape. Just watching tv so coolly. While I sit here and over analyze him.

He looked over at me again, and I quickly looked away. I have got to stop doing that.

Mikey walked in and stopped. Probably surprised to see both spots next to Ape taken. Me and Frank both watched him, waiting to see what he would do, as Ape nervously looked at the tv screen. I waited for him to ask Frank to move. Or do something so he could sit by her.

He didn't though. It was almost as if he understood. "Here," he mumbled as he handed Frank a plate of salad with a fork, and took a seat on the floor, leaning against the loveseat next to Bob.

I wonder what Mikeys thinking now. Does he have any idea? Was he just being cool and not making a big deal about that fact that his pretty-much-girlfriend made no effort to want to sit by him at all? Did he even think about it? Or did he understand completely? Does he think Ape hates him? Does he know he probably doesnt have a chance?

I glanced back over at Frank. I was kind of freaked out because I realized he was watching me. He quickly grabbed a grape tomato and popped it in his mouth, turning back to the tv.

Since I'm in this analyze-every-person-in-the-room mood, I wonder what Bob's thinking. Does he have any idea what the four of us know? Does he know what Frank's thinking? Or Ape, or Mikey? Or me for that matter?

I saw him smile. Holy shit I bet Bob can read minds.

He laughed, and pointed to the tv again. "Dude this guys an idiot. He's probably molesting her with his eyes while he draws her. Does she not know that?"

Ape smirked, and Frank commented, using his fork for accent, "Bob I'm pretty sure thats the point. I thinking she wants to be molested, and thats why she got naked and let him draw her in the first place. I don't think she actually wants a picture of herself naked or anything."

Bob made a small 'o' shape with his mouth. Nice try, but your cover up isnt working. I know your secret, Bob.

"Bob can you read minds?" It was almost weird, hearing my voice that loud.

He looked at me, kind of shocked that I was asking him. "Um..I don't think so."

"Oh, ok." Damn. There goes that theory. I wonder if he's trying now, just because I asked.

Gerard walked through the door, tossing his keys on the table loosely, and singing along to some random song in his head. "His words, killing mee..softly.... With his soooong wer wer weer weer."

"What is with the ninety's music today?! Its 2003!" Ape said with a laugh.

"The ninetys had a great music scene. Even some of the pop stuff was good in the ninetys. Some," Gerard commented. Also grabbing a coke and standing in the living room. "Is this Titanic? What the fuck?"

"Thats what I said!"

"Shut up! It's a classic!"

I held in a laugh as Ape almost died. "Bob! I question your sexuality!" Frank protested jokingly.

Ape grabbed my wrist. She was still smiling, yet her tone seemed more serious then two seconds ago, "T, come with me to the bathroom?"

I shrugged, "Sure," and got up to follow her.

"Now this is twenty-first century porn," Bob commented, turning his attention toward us.

"Yea pretty much," Ape said with a sarcastic smile. I heard Gerard and Frank laugh as she shut the door behind us. I knew she just wanted to talk, without other people around. "Whats up?"

Once again, I was staring at her in the mirror. She leaned close to it, slipping a finger over her perfectly smooth eyebrow. "Nothing."

She looked in the mirror. "Wanna talk about Frank?"

"No." My answer was fast. Too fast for her liking.

"Why not?"

"Because, it makes me unhappy." Yes, thats my best excuse. What would you have said?

She rolled her eyes a little, in an unoffensive way. "Oh yes, I would just hate to ruin your delighted mood," she replied, gesturing toward me.

Wow. Talk about an open book. I suddenly felt really exposed.

I sighed and put the toilet seat down as she went back to the mirror, messing with her hair. I knew what she was doing. She was doing that so that I wouldnt feel as much pressure. Pretending that her mind was half somewhere else so I wouldn't be overwhelmed, even when she was focusing her full attention on me, just secretly. She knew me too well.

Unfortunately, I knew her just as much. So it was kind of pointless.

"He hates me."

"Oh Taylor," She sounded like my mother, as she turned to look at me for a second, almost in annoyance, "He can't hate you. He loves you. Those were just words."

"Umm, I think you have it backwards. I think the 'love' thing was just words, and the 'hate' thing was full on truth."

"You're so pessimistic, T. You may not be able to love someone, but can't someone love you?" She was done with her fiddling. She sat on the floor in front of me, leaning against the wall.

"No. Because when someone loves me, they expect me to love them back. And I can't do that."

"Did you ever think that maybe you could?" Told you she was my counselour.

"No, Ape! I don't do that I already told you!-"

"Ok ok, sorry, I know," she held her hands up in defense. "Sorry, I just wanted to say something. I know how much Frank loves you, and...he's a good guy, T. I think you're making a mistake."

"'Loved', and how's he any different from anyone else.." Since when does Ape try so hard?

She faltered for a second, "Well, you know..he's like you. He's fun and..careless. And he's cute and really likes you. If there were someone that matched me that perfectly, I'd be all over it," she said with a small smile. "Come on, Taylor. You wanted change. You wanted a place out of the ordinary South Carolina, and here you are, turning down your chances."

I clenched my teeth. She's not going to get anywhere. "I wanted excitement. Not a crush."

"Maybe excitement involves a crush."

"No."

My answer was stern, and I was getting irritated with her. I felt like I was standing on a deserted island, while she and Frank were regrouping. This is the last thing I need, a little mini intervention.

She just stared at me. Kind of like when Frank stared at me after I told him for the last time that I didn't love him. Like she wanted me to take it back. To be honest? It hurt. I really needed someone right now, and Ape was against me. "Why are you siding with him?"

I was minus one on the 'Thinking about more then just myself thing', cause I guess that was a rude way to put it. I could tell by the look on her face.

She scoffed, "Taylor, I'm 'siding' with him, because you're being..obnoxious! You're being unreasonable, Taylor just give him a chance!"

I couldn't believe this. I immediately started building up my wall again, ready to get defensive.

All I got out was a small noise before I stopped myself. I think she was surprised too, as I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to stay quiet.

Stay cool, I fought with myself. The last person I got really pissed at like this doesn't speak to me anymore.

"Ape, I don't love people. I don't want to-"

"But Taylor you do! You love me, you love your family... And you love Frank," she interrupted, standing up.

Every muscle in my jaw was tight. "No. I don't," I said through my teeth.

"Yes you do!"

I couldn't do it. I stood up too, "No I freaking don't, Ape! Will you stop it already?! You're suppose to be my friend! Whats your fucking problem?!"

She scoffed, "My problem is you! Frank is my friend too and you're being a jerk to him! If someone treated you like you treat him I would probably kill them!"

Now I was confused. Since when were her and him that close?? "What are you talking about?! It's like you..like you love him or something!"

She rolled her eyes, "Shut the fuck up Taylor. You don't know what love is."

She left the bathroom, slamming the door on the way out. Thats when I realized, that slowly, more and more of my friends were drifting away from me.

When we were made we were set apart.
Life is a test and I get bad marks.
Some saint got the job of writing down my sins.
A storm is coming..
A storm is coming..