Motion Sickness

Lets just say...life sucked.

A lot.

A lot.

All I had was me, my car..and the east coast. No where in particular on the east coast, which just made it worse.

And of course, my phone which kept vibrating like no other because Frank was calling me. How annoying, right? Why would I answer for him?! I hate him!

Then my phone vibrated once more as I was passing through Newark, which was ten minutes away from Belleville. I glanced down, and it said '1 New Message!'.

I flipped open my phone in curiosity, whilst changing lanes. Of course it was none other than Frank.

'You followed me...'

My eyes flew up to my rearview mirror. I couldnt see him from all the traffic, but I got the idea he was there somewhere. I took an exit really fast and turned. Not caring if I got lost, as long as I lost him.

A few minutes and a few random turns later I got another text.

'I don't know if you've forgotten, but I live here Princess.'

I glanced back and sighed, seeing his car a ways behind me. I attempted to text and drive.

'Stop.'

Two seconds later another one came in.

'No.'

I thought for a while. Did I really want to cave and let him convince me to come back? Or did I want to keep driving. Who knows, maybe he'll run out of gas before me?

I glanced down at my gas gauge. Yea right. I hadn't gotten gas since Philly. And I've been to Connecticut and back since. However that works...

I kept driving down the streets. Unsure of what to do. A few moments later I got another text.

'Come on, the three of us have shit to talk about.'

The three of us? Is Ape with him?

As if he knew, he texted again.

'Gerard kicked all of us out for the night. Just stop somewhere. Please?'

I smirked, but then felt bad for Ape. She hadn't wanted to be dragged into this.

I decided to scan for a place to stop. The thought of Ape being with him quickly changing my mind. It did indeed bother me that she hadn't come with me, but if there was one person I could never hold a grudge against, it was Ape.

You see, if you hadn't noticed, I envied her in every way. She was smart, gorgeous, and caring. The only real flaws she had was her loyalty. To someone like me.

I'm not going to say I want to be like that. Do I want to be smart? Shit, I pulled off high school with C's. Fine by me. I refuse to pretend I care about things that I don't. And the only real things I care about are last words, and it shows. Do I want to be gorgeous? Yea I gave up on that in seventh grade. And do I want to be caring?

I thought about that one. Do I want to change? Do I really want to be constantly wondering what other people in the room are thinking? Double take my actions and think about the consequences before they occur? Was that not something they taught you in third grade?

Well, seeing as it has nothing to do with last words, I obviously didn't listen.

Ok thats not all true. I didn't get into last words until middle school. But all the same, I didn't listen.

To my left was a forest-looking area. There was a small gravel parking lot next to it, so I pulled in there.

I killed the engine and waited for a second as they pulled in next to me. I heard their doors as they got out, so I decided I might as well move also.

It was then that I realized how much my body ached. My knuckles hurt, and the more I concentrated on it the more my nose throbbed. And I'm not sure if its from my nose or not, but I'm almost positive my top lip is a little bigger.

Ape and Frank had walked over to the tree line. Frank was smoking a cigarette, wearing a plain red t-shirt and black, worn, skinny jeans and dark chucks. Not to mention he had one, stupid fingerless glove on his right hand.

Ape was next to him, in my rebel flag tank top and jeans, wearing my black and red checkered vans. I tried to keep from thinking about it.

She had her arms crossed and was looking down. I walked over to them and Frank looked shocked. Ape lifted her head up, and with her red, swollen eyes she gasped, and mouthed, "Holy shit.."

"Damn," Frank muttered, looking away and taking another drag.

"What.."

"We need to get you cleaned up.. Frank can you get a little first aid type thing from anywhere around here?"

He looked back at me, and without breaking his stare he replied, "Yea, theres a WalMart a little ways up. I'll see if I can find one."

Pulling off his glove and handing it to her, he left, and it was just me and Ape.

"Come here babe," she mumbled, grabbing my wrist and walking back into the woods a bit. It was dark and the air was thick and heavy, from the humidity, yet lack of sunlight hitting the forest floor. There seemed to be a path, or a trail, that after a second led to a small clearing. We sat down there and she spit in his glove.

I looked at her like she was stupid, but then she held the back of my head. "Have you not looked in the mirror?" she mumbled as she began wiping below my nose. Thats when I realized I had blood all over my face.

Then she furrowed her eyebrows at me, and moved her fingers on the back of my hair a bit. A sharp pain bolted through my skull and I jumped, swearing under my breath.

"Taylor! You have glass in the back of your head!" she replied, bewildered, quickly crawling behind me and began moving around my hair.

"Franks fault.." I mumbled, looking down as she began rummaging through my scalp, gently counting the pieces.

She groaned, "One of you has to be an adult, T."

"I was minding my own business and he jumped in."

"You were minding your own business but you were being obnoxious as you did it. Attempting to provoke someone into jumping in. You had just as much to do with it," she replied in her parental tone, still going through my hair. "Besides, we all know this has pretty much nothing to do with Mortal Combat or Dubble Bubble.."

I sighed, and turned around, forcing her to stop messing with my hair. "Ok, all faults aside for just a second. I'm your best friend, could you support me for like, three minutes maybe? It'd make me just a little less depressed right now."

She didn't say anything. I felt terrible. The usually beautiful Ape was a wreck. Her normally perfect eyelinered eyes were smudged and liquified. Her soft brown hair was thrown up in a ponytail, obviously out of stress. And she just looked so..unconfident. It didn't match her at all. She was so out of place, because of me.

She glanced down, "I really like Frank."

I was shocked. She said it almost as if she was guilty of something. And it hurt, just the same.

Just to be sure, "You mean..like..like like?"

She didn't respond. Just looked back up and stared at me, waiting for my reaction. I made a small 'o' shape with my mouth and looked away. I didn't know what to say.

"Ever since you've been..a bitch to him, he's been coming to me for comfort. You know that, because Gerard's always with you. He'll ask me questions about you and how he can get you to like him. And I never know what to say..because..well he can't.. It's just sad and..easy to fall for.."

"Oh yea cause you're such a fucking sucker for the helpless stupid ones," I snarled. "Forget your best friend! Lets go fuck with Iero!"

She kind of rethought her words. "You turned away and he came to me. You know me Taylor, I'll listen to anyone that wants help. If you'd actually get to know him, he's a really sweet guy."

I scoffed, "Um..hello! Friend in need of help here!"

"Taylor I'm not going to support you if I don't agree with what you're doing! I already told you that!"

"Well then, you might want to correct your phrase to something more along the lines of 'I'll listen to anyone that wants help..as long as they agree with all of my thoughts and opinions'. Right?"

We heard a car door shut, and I assumed it was Frank.

Ape sighed, "Taylor, you're my best friend in the world, but-"

"But then there was Frank," I interrupted in hatred. "The cute, sweet, pitiful guy of your dreams. How could you pass that up?"

"Stop it Taylor!" she yelled defensively, standing up. "For once in my life I actually disagree with you on something and you practically have a stroke over it!"

I didn't get up. I didn't want to. I just sat on the ground in selfpity. Frank came down the path with a small box. She quickly walked over to him and shoved his glove into his chest. She said something, and was gone.

I sighed. That feeling that your life is melting away in your hands? Yea. Like no other. I tried building up my wall again, forcing myself not to think about it. About life. I closed my eyes and thought back to that night at the Blackout in Philadelphia. Thats whats happening right now. Right now, me, Ape, and Ali are all standing in the crowd. Frank is retuning his guitar, and Gerard is asking people if anyone can train ponies.

I heard Frank sit next to me, but I refused to look up. I was getting happier. I needed this moment.

I fast-forwarded a little, to being in the elevator. Frank whispering annoying, provokative comments as I almost pass out on his arm. The gross stench of B.O. and alcohol. The heavy feeling in my knees, that faded slowly as Frank put his arm around me for support.

Moving forward again to the next day, we were argueing over who was taller. That picture that Gerard had..

I was never going to get over this.

"Hey," Frank mumbled, rubbing my arm. "We don't like eachother, but we need to get you cleaned up."

I looked up, but closed my eyes. We're at a hotel in Philadelphia. We're laying in my bed talking. He's wearing dark pj pants and a social distortion shirt. His hair's damp from a shower, and Ape is in the hotel room nex to ours with Mikey.

His glove was damp from spit as he began wiping my face. He wasnt as gentle as Ape, but it wasnt painful. Once again he wiped under my nose, that must be where most of the blood is.

"Ape likes you."

I said it flatly, eyes closed. Showing absolutely no emotion with it. With only the pure intention of knowing what he thought.

He sighed, "I got that idea."

"You got that idea?" I practically hissed, quietly seeing as I was calming down a bit.

"I've had a lot of girlfriends. I know what 'I like you' looks like." He paused for a second, "Which, by the way, theres also you. So I know what 'I don't like you' looks like. Just thought I'd throw that in."

I smirked sarcastically. "What do you think?"

He tilted my head up, checking out my face and rubbing something on it. I assumed it was an alcohol patch, seeing as it stung like the shit. I cringed, and I pushed desperately, "You never answered my question.."

"Was this all that was wrong?"

I opened my eyes for a second, staring at him. He was stressed. I could read it on his face that he was just trying to get by his next move. Almost as if he was doing something strategic, one step at a time.

Shrugging, I replied, "Oh yea, except for the shards of glass in the back of my skull."

He smirked, "I've got some of that too. We'll take turns."

Fiddling in his box he pulled out a pair of tweezers and another alcohol patch. He shifted behind me and started messing in my hair, just as Ape had minutes ago. "I'm not sure what I think."

"Ape likes you. What are you thinking this very minute."

He hesitated for a second, "I'm.. I.." He stopped, and I winced as he pulled a piece of glass out, then dabbed the wound with alcohol. My eyes watered involuntarily.Kind of like when you yawn or sneeze too much. "I can't tell you."

I pulled the corner of my eye with the bottom of my shirt. "Why?"

He moved my hair around more, "Because. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have to."

"Oh and pulling glass out of my head is nothing compared to my best friend being a traitor and-"

"She's ok," Frank stopped, before I could diss her to much. "She great, actually. She's always been there when I needed her here lately. Since Gerard was always comforting you. Its kind of like our best friends switched us if you think about it."

I held my breath as he pulled another piece of glass out. If you've never experienced such pain, its horrid. Worst pain of my life so far. Probably because, since its sharp around the edges too, it pretty much cuts you again when you take it out. Yet it has to be done. Pure hell.

"You know," Frank started, deep in thought as I felt him dab my hair with the alcohol pad, "maybe our friends didnt switch us. Maybe we switched them."

I didn't understand.

"I mean, did you go to Gerard? Or did he go to you?"

I thought back. "I..I tried to stick it out on my own. But Ape kept confronting me.."

"She was trying to help. Gerard would tell me to leave you alone. He'd say that if we were in high school, your dad would of filed a restraining order by now."

I smiled, cause I could picture that. But then kept going. "Then Gerard was just...available. I kind of ran to him."

"Yea. Same with me to April. Me and her were just frustrated about the same things. And Gerard kept bitching to me. I would go to her and ask her how to win you over. I figured since she, out of all the people on earth most likely, knew you best, she would know. But she didn't. Pretty discouraging. And she was right there, easy for comfort."

"You're not going to convince me.." I paused, dabbing my eyes again as he pulled out another piece, "That I left my friend."

"I did too."

We didn't say anything for a minute. I think there wasn't anymore glass, cause he just turned my hair over a few times, looking at my scalp in searched of more. What if he and Ape started dating? Could Gerard be my support? I don't trust people very easily, and I trust Ape with the world. How can someone replace her? How could she do this to me?

How could I do this to her?

After a few minutes Frank stopped, and sat next to me. "I like her, but I don't think I could really ever get serious with her. Not until I'm over you atleast."

I turned away from him, closing my eyes and letting a couple tears slide, and breathing a sigh of relief.