Number 3

I sat down on the couch with what I had found in the kitchen and stared at them sitting on the coffee table. They were taunting me, waiting for me to cave and make it real that Suki had left. But I was refusing.

Was it denial? No, I don’t think so. But I certainly didn’t want to believe it.

*****

Finally giving in, I opened the envelope slowly. Picking up the thick paper Suki had written her thoughts down onto, I saw her familiar handwriting.

Dear Jon,
I’m sorry.

The letter held those four words at the top of the paper and it seemed the rest of it came farther down.

I won’t lie to you, Jon, I’m scared. Last night, I realized something. I can’t have the type of relationship we were beginning to have and still do what I want. I’ve told you from the beginning, I’m a free spirit. And Jon, no matter how hard you try, you’re not.

She had that much right. As hard as I tried for her, I wasn’t nearly as adventurous or as exciting as Suki.

But that’s not all. I’m scared. Never in my life have I felt the same feelings that I’ve felt for you. And to top it off, I never thought I would.

We haven’t said it yet Jon, but I think I’m in love with you. I hope that you feel the same way.

I loved Suki more than anything. Or at least, I realized it in that moment. Sure the thought had been there, but I hadn’t made it definitive.

I know that you had no intention of staying in Berlin, and neither did I. But I think we grounded each other in one space. It was nice for a little while.

A little while?

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Don’t forget me, because I know I won’t be forgetting you.

~Suki

I read through the letter several more times before letting if fall to the floor. She really was gone.

*****

Looking through the photos, I saw the past weeks I had spent with Suki replayed through the lens of her cameras. There were photos of us all around Berlin and even from the day we had spent out in the country. She really had captured it all.

Looking down at the paper I had dropped, I saw the back. There was a P.S.

P.S. Use the camera I’m leaving you to finish the list. Travel the world on your own, Jon, and make your own memories. Write your book and use your pictures. Make it happen.

*****

I decided then and there that I would make it happen. But I wouldn’t make it happen alone. I would find Suki and we would do number 3 together. Because, deep down, I knew that Suki loved me and I loved her.

But for now, number 3 would have to wait. I had a girl to convince and find. But that was okay; I had a camera to capture the journey and my pen to write it down. And until I had Suki by my side, that was all I needed.