Some Days

Lakelyn was faking smiles left and right but by this point, it was natural reaction. This world was nothing new to her, but for some reason, she was feeling worse than ever. From the start of their relationship, Lakelyn had quickly learned that in order to be with Liam, she was required to fit in with the wealthy. You see, Liam’s father owned a successful law firm, and if she was to be a part of the family, she had to acquire the skills it took. Those “skills” being to put on a dress and sit prettily while talking stupid shit with the rest of the women. This was nothing new; Lakelyn had been mastering it for the past year and a half, but for some reason tonight, at her very own party, she felt like she couldn’t take a moment longer. And she should have felt guilty for that, for despising her own engagement party, but she didn’t and that worried her even more.

She loved Liam. She really really did. But deep inside her, she knew that she had been anything but prepared when he’d asked her to marry him. It was because of that, being caught off guard, that she had blurted the expected answer, the right answer, without any thought beforehand. Not by any means saying she would have said no if she had considered it, but she couldn't ignore the corner of her brain that screamed in terror for having jumped in head first without a second's hesitation. And as stranger after stranger approached her and Liam to "congratulate" them on their engagement with their expensive suits and dresses and immaculate hair styles and accessories, it was suddenly blatantly obvious all that Lakelyn had committed herself to. She allowed her eyes to wander around her apartment and couldn't help but miss when it'd been full of her band boys. They were loud and crazy, sure, but they were the ones that actually cared about her. Not these people with yachts and shiny cars who were here out of their own self-interest. She wanted them all to leave. But once again, that was out of her hands.

She continued to remain lost in her thoughts as she stood in the kitchen, cutting more cheese to put out for their guests. She was barely processing anything about her physical surroundings so when there were suddenly hands on her hips she nearly jumped through the roof. Liam’s low chuckle rumbled in her ear and she sighed in relief, pressing a hand to her chest.

"I think I just shit myself," she said seriously, feeling Liam’s chest shake against her back as he laughed even more.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," he cooed, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. She welcomed the familiar comfort of it and sighed.

"It's not your fault, I'm just a little out of it tonight," she whispered, resuming her work on the block of cheese that probably cost more than what she'd care to know. Liam grunted in understanding at her explanation and gently turned her around before she could finish. He brushed her hair back, keeping his hand on her cheek as his blue eyes searched her face.

"I noticed you were a little distant. I can kick all these assholes out right now if you want me to," he said, a crooked smile on his face and Lakelyn smiled in return, unable not to.

"They're your father's clients, I'm not sure that'd be wise," Lakelyn responded softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Maybe, maybe not, but I couldn't care less if that's what you want," Liam told her, pulling her closer and Lakelyn had to bite her lip to keep from frowning, the guilt throbbing in her gut. Liam was so perfect, so careful with her, she shouldn't have been feeling conflicted. Liam was every girl's dream but if she had to keep reminding herself of that, something was wrong. Fuck.

"I want... I want you to go out there and be your charming self so that everyone leaves happy," she said, pushing back what she actually want to say, which was hell yes. She pecked his lips before letting go of her hold on his neck and spinning back around to the cheese. Liam remained motionless for a moment before he squeezed her tighter and then let go.

"I love you." He said it quietly, almost testingly, and something about it left Lakelyn wondering where it came from. Not that they didn't tell each other they loved one another, but something about this time felt unsettling. She peaked over her shoulder at him questioningly, relaxing her hands against the counter top.

"I love you too, Liam. Always," she answered and he smiled at her, visibly relaxing before he pressed a kiss just to the right of her mouth.

"Good. Now resume your womanly duties," he ordered, winking and slapping her ass as he exited the kitchen. Her mouth widened in shock and he laughed, quickly hurrying away before she could do anything in retaliation.

Typically she would have run him down, or at least shouted something vulgar in reply, but the additional company kept her in character and she simply shook her head. That was the thing; it would have been so easy to not give a shit about any of those stuck up snobs if it weren't for Liam, who was directly affected by their opinion on him… and his fiance. He was lovely, and it wasn't his fault that he had to keep up the charade to make his parents happy. She couldn’t let him down. Lakelyn finished with the last of the cheese and took a deep breath.

Liam was worth it. That was all that mattered.

Just as she was about to leave the kitchen, he reappeared with a proud smile on his face and she paused, looking at him suspiciously.

"What?" she asked cautiously and he took the plate she was holding, kissing her, before positioning his mouth just beside her ear to speak.

"Get out of here, I'll cover for you," he told her and she looked at him with wide eyes.

"What?" she repeated and his grin widened.

"You’re dying- don’t pretend like you’re not- so I called in a favor. Sneak out through the fire escape." Lakelyn shook her head, her mouth slightly open. Liam sighed and placed his hands on her shoulders, staring down at her with shining eyes.

“Trust me, baby. I’ll send them home and then when you come back I’ll have you all to myself,” He whispered mischievously and then shoved her into the hallway towards her bedroom. Lakelyn walked away in wonder, glancing back just in time to see Liam disappear to go back to the guests. She stepped out onto her fire escape in curiosity, but when she laid eyes on the two boys on the ground she felt her face spread into a huge smile, the first genuine one all night.

"Are you serious?" she asked, laughing, as Garrett and John cheered, holding six-packs of beer over their heads.

"We're fucking dead serious!" John shouted and she shushed him, glancing into her apartment before holding up a finger and stepping back into her room to grab her cell phone. Once she took one last moment to listen to the people who were only walls away, whom she was escaping, Lakelyn hopped out her window and ran down the metal steps. She hated heights, so instead of paying attention to the way the structure rattled, she kept her eyes focused on her two friends on the ground. As her feet left the last step, she sprang at the two boys and embraced them with enough enthusiasm to have them all giggling.

"Is it really that bad in there?" Garrett asked when it was his turn, his facial hair tickling her cheek.

"Worse," she smirked, sighing in relief as she stepped away from his hug. He just nodded in understanding and she smiled up at his face, overcome with appreciation for both him and John. Truthfully, she thought that after he’d run out two days ago, when she got engaged, she’d ruined her chances with him once and for all. After staying up sick with worry all that night though, he’d called the very next day to apologize. He’d explained that he left to go babysit his niece or something. To be honest, it really didn’t matter; they were still on the road to being best friends again.

She grabbed John’s arm in one hand and Garrett’s in the other and pulled them towards the white pickup she could see in the parking lot, which she knew belonged to the singer.

“Jeez, in a rush, Lynny?” John teased as she marched hurriedly and she looked at him with a “duh” face.

“Pretty much, Johnny,” she said and he laughed, holding his hands up before unlocking his car and holding the door open for her.

Once they were settled in the truck, Lakelyn mushed in the middle, she rested her head on John's shoulder, him resting his arm on the back of the bench seat while Garrett fiddled with the radio.

"So where are we going, my saviors?" she asked jokingly, looking between the two shaggy haired rock stars.

John smiled a crooked grin, not removing his eyes from the road as he answered her.

“Somewhere we can all get piss-assed drunk, my dear,” he told her wryly. Having been entirely focused on finding good music, Garrett let out a noise of accomplishment when David Bowie’s voice filled the truck. He leaned back and winked at Lakelyn, who nodded in approval. Both he and John rolled their windows down, hanging their arms out, and Lakelyn smiled to herself. This is where she had been wishing to be all night.

Fifteen minutes later, they were pulling off the road and Lakelyn squealed, grabbing onto the dash in surprise at the sudden bumpy ride.

“What the hell John?” she shouted over the music and wind noise but him and Garrett just laughed, brushing her off. A few moments later, they were parked in the middle of the desert, nothing for miles except the lights in the distance. John and Garrett climbed out of the truck, grabbing the beer in the process, and Lakelyn hopped out after them. She looked around a moment, the cold breeze blowing her hair in her face and her dress to her legs. She shook her head and grinned, looking over at John and Garrett who were climbing up into the bed of the truck.

They both popped open cans of beer and leaned back, sighing in comfort. Lakelyn followed suit, and sat cross legged between the two of them, chugging down her first beer in record time. John and Garrett both gave her a look and she brushed them off.

“I need this, believe me,” she told them. John immediately let it go, laying back to stare up at the stars, but Garrett watched her a moment longer.

“What?” she asked. Garrett seemed almost as though he were going to respond when he decided against it and shook his head.

“Nothing.”

Lakelyn shrugged in response and opened a new can, lying back and placing her legs so they crossed over Garrett’s lap. Now that everything was mostly cleared up between them, they were in a good place, and Lakelyn couldn’t help but marvel at how quickly the tide had turned. Suddenly, Garrett had changed into this relaxed, nonjudgmental, best friend that supported her. It was weird, ever since he’d called to apologize after her birthday something was different but she couldn’t put her finger on what. He didn’t try pushing her for anymore feelings or innermost thoughts like before, he just let her be. But she liked that, it was easy.

They didn’t talk very much for a while, just drank and relaxed. It was so much more natural than being near Liam’s crowd that she couldn’t help but be relieved. She was about three and a half beers in when suddenly the radio in the truck, which they had left on, began to play the recognizable beginning of “Temptation” by New Order. It was an old one, one from the 80’s, and the fact that it was even playing on the radio was exciting.

Lakelyn shot to her feet with wide eyes the moment it processed. Garrett and John both looked at her in shock as she ripped off her heels and threw them over the side of the truck.

“What’s wrong with you?” John laughed, watching her in interest when she brushed him off and squeezed through the little window that led from the bed of the truck into the cab. She hurriedly turned the song up as loud as it could go and then squeezed back the way she had come. As she tried to crawl out of the inside, she stumbled and landed on Garrett, who chuckled and said something about the alcohol getting to her, but she just ignored him.

“You do realize what this is right? I fucking love this song, you guys!” she shouted sloppily, grabbing her can of beer and stumbling to the end of the truck bed then jumping off into the hard sand. Her first few steps to catch herself were uncoordinated but once she found her balance she laughed and started jumping around. She threw her hands up and closed her eyes, well aware how drunken and exaggerated her dancing was.

“Lakelyn, put your shoes on!” Garrett shouted at her, watching in slight worry but John slapped him and got up, rolling his eyes
Lakelyn spun in a circle, holding her arms up in the air and putting her head back. She smiled, beginning to stumble from getting dizzy and heard John’s laughter, followed by his boots hitting the ground. She peaked over in time to see him approaching her in staggering motions. Once he was in front of her, he stopped and started shouting the lyrics just in time for the chorus. Lakelyn joined in, happy that he knew the song as well.

“Oh, up down turn around please don’t let me hit the ground! Tonight I think I’ll walk alone, I’ll find my soul as I go home!” They proceeded to scream the “oo’s” on the top of their lungs, the alcohol making it funnier than what Lakelyn knew it normally would have been. She turned and looked at Garrett, who was watching them in fascination. Lakelyn waved at him excitedly, still bouncing up and down with John.

“C’mon Garrett! I know you know it!” she laughed and he sighed, shaking his head before giving in and hopping down from the truck. Lakelyn immediately grabbed his hands and pulled him to her, forcing him to dance. At first, he seemed awkward and barely moved, but as he realized how drunk she was and how much fun she was having, he let go.

John was still screeching the lyrics terribly and Garrett began laughing, laughing so hard tears ran out of his eyes, and Lakelyn watched him with a smile, giggling as well. She sang along and stared until Garrett did too, their voices nearly overpowering the truck’s speakers.

“Oh, you’ve got green eyes! Oh you’ve got grey eyes! Oh, you’ve got blue eyes!” Lakelyn held onto Garrett’s shoulders, twisting and jumping and forcing his body to move along with her’s.

“Oh, you’ve got green eyes! Oh you’ve got blue eyes! Oh, you’ve got grey eyes!” Now, Garrett was completely into it, his eyes never leaving Lakelyn’s.
“And I’ve never seen anyone quite like you before. Oh, I’ve never met anyone quite like you before,” Lakelyn sang it back, staring at him too, until John swooped in and threw her over his shoulder, swinging her around for the final chorus of the song.

She screamed and threw her arms out, as they chanted “Oh it’s the last time!” for the final few lines of the song and as the music faded away, John dropped Lakelyn into the sand and fell beside her, both in hysterics. Garrett collapsed on her other side and she sighed in comfort. Somehow they had ended much farther from the truck then she’d realized.

“Oh, fuck. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time,” she giggled, slurring only slightly. John and Garrett both echoed her in agreement and she licked the spilled beer off of her hand. At that, John scoffed and shoved her.

“What?” she asked innocently and he made a face, getting up and staggering back to his truck.

She was still breathing hard though so she let herself fall onto her back to look up at the sky. Garrett’s upper arm was pressed against her’s but she didn’t move it. And in her drunkenness, she couldn’t find anything wrong with the fact that she enjoyed it being there, having the direct contact with him.

She breathed in silence as she listened to the new song being played over the radio. She recognized this one as well and smiled.

From the first second of Brand New’s “Mixtape”, Garrett was already singing along softly.

“I’ve got a twenty dollar bill that says no one’s ever seen you without makeup,
You're always made up.
And I'm sick of your tattoos,
and the way you always criticize the Smiths... and Morrissey.
And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
But when I say let's keep in touch,
I really mean I wish that you'd grow up.
This is the first song for your mixtape.
And It's short just like your temper,
somewhat golden like the afternoons we used to spend before you got too cool...”

She had closed her eyes as he quietly whispered the words, but she heard them and to be honest, it was one of the most comforting things she’d heard in a while. He trailed off as the guitars and drums kicked in and she peaked over at him with a soft smile.

“You sing pretty Gary,” she whispered and he chuckled, looking at her from the corners of his eyes.

“Ok, Lakelyn.” She leaned up on her elbow and looked at him with drawn eyebrows.

“I’m s-serious! I like hearing you sing,” she said insistently and he stared at her for a moment before offering a crooked grin and pushing his shaggy hair away from his eyes.

“And I like hearing you drunk,” he teased, but LAkelyn shook her head.

“I-I’m not that drunk,” she argued, causing to Garrett roll his eyes. They both were silent for a moment and Lakelyn was suddenly broadsided with memories, ones she knew she could never bring up with her fiancé.

“Ok, I might be drunk,” she admitted after another second and Garrett laughed, reaching over to pat her stomach. She continued speaking on her train of thought, though, knowing full well that she was about to severely change the entire direction of the conversation. So much for the whole “no more deep conversations full of innermost thoughts” thing.

“But I’ve definitely been more drunk before,” she whispered, looking at him meaningfully and she watched as he froze, realizing what is was that she was saying.

“Lakelyn…” he warned softly, not looking at her. She ignored him and looked at his face, the alcohol allowing her to say things that had been trapped on her mind for too long.

“Do you remember, Gary, when we were back in New York? Remember how I used to be, when I first met all of you? And when I was so drunk that I almost jumped off the bridge but Pat and Kenny and Jared found me and you were driving around with John trying to find me? And I woke up with John cleaning my cuts and you sleeping next to me? You were sleeping next to me just like the morning after we met. And then you drove me home because I was trying to run away from John and you dropped me off and my mom stabbed me because she hated me but then you came back and you and John and Jared saved me and called an ambulance. And then we were at the hospital and you were so angry at me and everyone but I knew… I knew it was just because you were worried and scared and so I told you what happened to me when I was younger and then you pulled back the covers and saw all of my cuts and I was so broken I terrified you. Do you remember that? Do you remember at that show when I tried to hug you but you didn’t hug me back and when John kissed me and you saw and I ran away? God, I was so scared, Garrett. I was so afraid of you and everything and that look on your face, I hated disappointing you. I didn’t want to disappoint you; I don’t want to disappoint you, Garrett. You don’t deserve that, you don’t deserve it,” she was rambling, trying to make sense of her thoughts but Garrett didn’t move or react, he just kept gazing up at the sky and that worried her more than anything. She was so stupid; she shouldn’t be letting the beer get to her head. She shouldn’t have been saying these things.

“But it doesn’t matter anymore because I’m with Liam now. None of it matters. None of that changes anything because I’m engaged. I’m engaged and that is my life now. I’m engaged, Garrett. I’m engaged,” she was repeating herself over and over again but she couldn’t stop and the more she said it, the more upset she got, tears beginning to cast down her face.

Garrett was looking at her now, his expression unreadable but when she started to shake and sobs ripped from her throat, he moved so fast she barely processed it. All of a sudden, his arms were around her and she clung to him, peering at her left hand over his shoulder. The ring was right there, reflecting the moonlight back at her, taunting her, and this was when she really knew she was drunk. She knew it for sure because if she hadn’t been, she wouldn’t have ripped herself away from Garrett like she had.

And she sure as hell wouldn’t have done what she did next. With a frustrated cry, she tore the diamond off of her finger and threw it into the desert a few feet away, watching it land in the dirt and feeling the tears drop from her chin onto the dress that used to be perfectly white and pressed.

“I’m so fucking sick of this Garrett! I’m sick of it!” She shouted, turning and facing him as he got up and walked to her slowly, pulling her in for a hug carefully. It was as if he wasn’t sure how she’d react but when she didn’t pull away, he ran his hand from the top of her head, down her hair, until it reached her lower back and then he started over again. He just kept making gentle trails, softly shushing her until she had calmed down enough that her body wasn’t shaking anymore.

“What are you sick of, Lakelyn?” he asked quietly and somewhat warily, not letting go of her. She breathed out against his shoulder, blinking away the tears.

“Everything. I’m tired of Liam’s horrible mother and those rich assholes that act like friends but go home and bitch about each other and backstab each other. I’m tired of pretending like I don’t care that Liam has to put his job before me, because that’s what his father wants. I’m tired of sitting with perfect posture and wearing these fucking dresses and squeezing my feet into heels that make the blisters from dancing hurt even more. I’m just exhausted of pretending all the time. Every day I wake up and act like nothing exists past two years ago, like New York was a different lifetime. And I know that it’s my fault but I’m in too deep to dig myself out and I’ve never felt so plastic in all my life.” She had started out loud, but by the end, Lakelyn was practically whispering and she squeezed her eyes shut when she realized how pathetic she was. Once again, she was relying on Garrett to tell her everything would be alright. Shouldn’t that be Liam’s job? Shouldn’t he have been the one that knew everything? Eventually, Garrett pulled back to look down at her.

“Why do you do this to me?” he asked quietly, watching her closely.

“Do what?” she asked, before she could think better of it. Garrett stared at her longer before pulling away and backing up a few steps.

“I can’t just magically make everything better for you, Lakelyn,” he said, his eyes and body language colder than what she’d expected.

“Garrett… I-I don’t expect you to,” she stuttered, unsure of what to say. Garrett just shook his head at her, running a hand through his hair and messing it up more. She watched his movements, desperately pushing back the way she couldn’t help but focus on all of the little details that had attracted her to him to begin with. He was just so… perfect. From his blue eyes, to his unkept hair. He was wearing his glasses tonight but she thought it was adorable and that was a problem. Everything about how she was feeling towards him right now was a problem.

“Yes, you do. I always do. I always find you when you’re at your weakest and then put it upon myself to think I can save you. That was the problem all along, Lay. Not John, or Jared, or Ken, or Pat, or me, or any of us can fix you. Do you understand? You have to do that yourself. I can’t make things right with Liam and this whole marriage thing because I just can’t, I’m not you. I don’t know what you’re thinking or how you feel. I can sure as hell tell you my opinion, but I can’t change anything,” he said, fairly harshly and Lakelyn felt herself shrinking under his stare, collapsing as each of his words sunk in.

She swallowed and looked down a moment before she spoke.

“I know that Garrett. W-why do you think I left two years ago? I hitched a ride and never looked back, I wouldn’t consider that depending on you to fix anything,” she said. Garrett itched the back of his head in aggravation, angling his body so he looked out into the desert and not at her.

“You don’t get it Lakelyn! Even after standing there and complaining about everything a few moments ago you still can’t see it!” he said, finally looking back at her in defeat.

“What? What don’t I get Garrett? P-please, enlighten me!” she finally shouted, slurring in her frustration, spreading her arms out wide. She caught John staring at them from the back of his truck but ignored him. Garrett either didn’t notice or he was disregarding him too. He was looking at her shaking his head and he waved her off before starting to walk away. Lakelyn shook her head in disbelief.

“Oh, so you’re going to criticize me and then walk away,” she called after him, her long hair being blown out behind her by the cold breeze from the desert night. Garrett paused and spun around.

“Fine. You want the truth? The truth is, you’re not any different here than you were in New York! You’re still trapped! You have no clue how to stand up for yourself, and until you figure it out, I’m not sure I can hang around anymore.”

He stared at her and just the look on his face was enough for Lakelyn to feel like shit. He was saying that he was done with her and the crack in his voice reaffirmed it.

“What? No,” she breathed, barely able to form words as she began walking to him and he sighed, putting his hands out.

“What else can I do, Lakelyn? I know that you’re not happy. You may love Liam but I don’t think you want to marry him.” Lakeyn opened her mouth to disagree but Garett cut her off.

“Don’t- Don’t argue. You don’t belong with him. And if there is even one piece of doubt in your mind right now, I’m telling you Lay, don’t do it. Don’t get married out of guilt or because you supposedly owe it to him. Just don’t.”

He stared at her intently for a moment and when she didn’t respond, he resumed walking away. John straightened up, looking like he was dying to ask what was going on. Lakelyn shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut and wrapping her arms around herself in a moment of confusion. When she reopened her eyes, they fell on the ring in the dirt a few feet away and she picked it up guiltily, staring at it in thought. Was this what she wanted? Did she have doubts? If it were Garrett or Liam which would she choose? She’d chosen Liam the first chance but this was her second. And she knew that she wouldn’t be getting a third.

Garrett was saying something to John, shaking his head between glancing over at her and suddenly the sinking feeling in Lakelyn’s gut was too much to take. Her thoughts felt weighed down from having consumed all that beer and for once, she was tired of over analyzing everything. Clearly, that had gotten her nowhere anyway. Without a further moment of thought, Lakelyn started running, full blown sprinting straight at Garrett. She stumbled several times, cursing her clumsy bare feet and the alcohol, but she was only looking at one person and that alone kept her going. She was running so fast that by the time she reached him, she couldn’t manage to slow herself down in time and crashed into his arms with so much momentum Garrett had to stagger to remain upright. He looked down at her in pure shock, his eyes wide in confusion.

“Lakelyn, what-“

She didn’t let him go any further. Instead, she did what she knew she’d always wanted. She did something that made the feel of her engagement ring in her right hand terrible. Yet, all of the guilt in the world couldn’t have stopped her this time. This time, it was just her and Garrett and in her weak, drunken state, Lakelyn allowed herself to kiss him for the very first time. She smashed her lips into his, marveling at how perfectly they collided. Her hands were tangled into his hair before she had time to realize how they’d gotten there and she squeezed her eyes shut to block the rest of the world out.

Garrett seemed hesitant at first, frozen in confusion, but just when she was about to pull away in embarrassment and shame, he latched onto her. His hands splayed out on both of her cheeks, his fingertips on her neck while his thumbs pressed against the sides of her face. He seemed to sink into her, sighing into their kiss in what felt like relief and Lakelyn couldn’t help but smile against him. When his tongue ran across her bottom lip and begged for entrance, she gave it to him eagerly. Everything about this, everything about Garrett left her breathless. His taste, his touch, his scent. She was intoxicated by everything about him.

Too soon after deepening the kiss, he pulled away and Lakelyn looked up at him with clouded eyes and a dreamy smile. His gaze found her’s in wonder and after a moment he crashed her to his chest, inhaling deeply and pressing his face into the side of her neck.

Lakelyn was on cloud nine and she giggled when she peered over Garrett’s shoulder, finding John looking at them with a part revolted, part stunned, part elated expression on his face. She pulled back and stared into Garrett’s blue eyes again, smiling happily when he gave her lips another peck.

John, on the other hand, sighed and hopped down from his perch on the tail gate, walking past them towards the driver’s side of the car. He knew exactly where this was headed but he didn’t have the heart to cut it off at the knees. At the moment, the only thing he could manage was a worried shake of the head and a glance back at his friends.

“Fucking shit, man.”