Almost Human

I sighed as I walked into Nando's where we all are meeting for dinner. Jimmy had told me that Brian and Michelle had made up and got back together. I remembered the fight Brian and I had yesterday.

I spotted Zacky waving at me to get my attention. I sighed again and plastered on a fake smile. "Hey!" I greeted them and sat down. Jimmy was on my left, Val on my right, Brian straight across and Michelle clinging on to him for her dear life.

I cleared my throat and looked through the menu and ordered. Everyone had their own conversation, their own person to talk to. Except for me... again...

I should find a boyfriend. So I won't be so alone all the time. I wondered what it would be like to find real love. Like Matt and Val.. Or even Zacky and Gena.. and Johnny with Lacey.. of course Jimmy and Tracey.. What about Brian and Michelle.

Too me it would probably be wrong. But for them it would be okay.. I guess.

Throughout dinner, I was silent. Watching everyone chat and eat. Or more specifically, imagining throwing knives through Michelle's head. Brian had his arm around her shoulders and her head leaned into his side. Then I flashbacked to when Brian and I were hanging out at my house. When we were in that same position.

I looked around the restaurant. My eyes scanned the room and beeped when my eyes landed on this really hot dude.

I looked away before he saw me ogling at him. I smiled to myself as I started to eat the chicken on my plate. I thought about my own fantasy with my future boyfriend and what it would be like.

Walks down the beach? Bringing me on dates all the time? Understanding me... Make me laugh.. Romantic dinners? Making plans on Valentine's Day? Buying each other gifts on Christma-

"Jay!" a voice interrupted my thoughts. I snapped my head up to see Michelle looking at me. "Uuuh.. Yeah..." I said randomly. She giggled as everyone laughed at my blur-ness. She giggled some more and leaned on to Brian.

PANG!

My heart stung. Watching Brian and Michelle made me feel like attempting suicide.

I got up and pasted a fake smile on my face and said, "Shit guys.. I left my book at the office! I need to go get it. Thanks for dinner! Bye!"

With that said, I jogged out the restaurant. I glanced back to see Brian looking hurt and angry. I didn't care. I jumped into my car and went home.

I entered the house and ran up to my music room, and sat down at my piano. I needed to sing. Sometimes when I'm stressed, I sing and playing instruments. It sort of calms me down.

I unconsciously started to play 'Don't Let it Go to Waste' by Matt Willis. 1/3 members of Busted. One of my favourite bands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-rOmrt613Q
Get out the car honey,
cause what you said was out of place
Well I guess I'm walking home
With that sad look upon my face
Straight from the heart, no worries
I got a lot of love to make,
can you feel it a little?
Don't let it go to waste

I put all my emotions into this song and played my heart out. My fingers flew over the ivory white and black keys of the piano.

In order to get over Brian, I need to get away from Brian. So I planned it out. I had e-mailed Chris, my boss, earlier and told him that I would start working later hours. Besides.. I have an album to finish.

I showered and changed into my pyjamas, then walked out to my porch. Zero followed me. I sat down at the porch steps and stared up at the moon. Zero laid down next to me.

Little did I know, I wasn't alone. "What do you want!" I said to the dark figure standing to my right.

Brian didn't say anything. "Why did you do this to me. Why.." I suddenly broke down. I sobbed.

Brian exploded. "What did I do? It wasn't me who broke up with Michelle, I was drunk when I pushed you away in the club, it wasn't me who got back with Michelle! It's her! Don't you dare blame me!"

"Oh! It isn't your fault!?! So of course you didn't tell me you loved me, you didn't kiss me, you didn't take a cab all the way to my office just to see me then break my heart! I'm so sorry I blamed you because obviously it isn't your fault!" I snapped back with sarcasm.

"You know what!" He shouted at me. His face was red with anger. "What!?!?" I screamed back.

"Things were so much fucking better before you came along! I wish things were back to the way they were before you came back from fucking England and fucking ruined everything!"

I covered my wide-open-mouth with my hand and choked back a sob. How could he say that! He was my best friend back in high-school. More than that.. but I guess not anymore.

"Fine! Get out of my house!" I screamed and turned around and marched back into the house.

I leaned back on the door and slid down to the floor. I placed my head between my legs and cried all night.