Almost Human

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=57744945

Tonight, was the night. I mentally prepared myself, to tell Brian the truth. How I really felt about him. I was pacing back and forth in front of his house, trying to think about what words to use.

Matt said we couldn't meet up tonight because almost everyone was busy and had stuff to do. Hopefully Brian was free enough to give 2 minutes of his time to hear what I would say.

I stopped pacing and stood in front of his door. I raised my hand to knock but hesitated as I thought of all the consequences and possibilities. What if he rejected me..... What if this causes our whole relationship to just disintegrate into ashes...

Too late...

The door opened and revealed a confused looking Brian with a lopsided grin. "What's up?" he greeted. I opened my mouth to speak but all that came out was carbon dioxide.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I need to tell you something." I stated while trying to keep my voice from breaking.

His facial expression never changed from that grin even though my voice was pretty serious. He stepped aside to let me into his house but I declined. I want to just tell him out here.

The rejection of his offer seemed to make him realize that this was pretty serious. He closed the door behind him and waited for me to start talking.

I cleared my throat and avoided his gaze to his feet. "Remember when I said.. that I..I n-never had f-f-feelings for you?" I stammered out. His expression now was serious and his eyes had hurt in them. I had hurt him.. and it was killing me to watch.

He just nodded waiting for me to continue.. so I did, "I think the decision I made that night was a mistake. I think I do still have feelings for you..."

"How do you know that you still have feelings for me?" he asked unsure by my sudden leakage of emotion.

I took another breath and let all my words and emotions flow.

"A few days ago. At the swimming pool, we got really..really close. Then you pulled away. I had a feeling you wanted to kiss me, but I realized that was just my wishful thinking. I spent the night thinking of kissing you. Then last night at my backyard, how easy it is to talk to you.. like I've known you forever.. and how I want it to be more than that. How I imagined that you were my actual boyfriend." I said the last sentence sheepishly.

I continued my elaboration, "Now, I realize how much I want you. I'm sorry about this sudden change of feelings. But, it's the truth. The bottom line is.. that I want to be more than friends. But if you don't feel the same.. I totally get it." I said in one breath.

His facial expression seemed distracted as he gazed out at the road. For the next few seconds, we were silent. His face was now looking at the wooden floor, and his hands was scratching the back of his neck.

Finally, he spoke, "I need some time to think about this." I nodded, understanding his need for space. I turned around and started to walk back to my house. I put my headphones that hung around my neck to my ears and played some music.

I didn't feel like sleeping or staying home, but I didn't feel like going to any public places. However, I did go home to feed Zero and take him out for a night walk. We walked to the boardwalk that was currently empty on the account for it being close to 10 at night.

What if he says no... What if this gets so bad that I have to leave again.. I thought about all these things while sitting at the boardwalk with my legs dangling over the ocean.

Zero somehow understood that I was upset and made this whimper-sad noise. Almost as if he was saying 'I feel your pain, bro'. I smiled and stroked his fur. Zero was always there for me. He knew when I was happy and upset.

I sighed and stared at the reflection of the moonlight on the horizon of the water. I really did like Brian... I wanted him here by my side right now.

A sneaky tear slipped out my eye as I rubbed it away. I couldn't control it. I burst out in tears, crying over a guy that may or may not feel the same way that I do.

Zero licked my tears on my cheek and placed his paw on my hand. I smiled at him and whispered my thanks to him.

I wrinkled my nose after realizing that he could have licked his genitals/poop/dirt and then licked me. I shrugged it off and took off. I headed home with Zero to try and get some rest.

BRIAN'S POV

I don't know what to do. I was scared of breaking her heart by saying no, but I also felt that I would somehow break her heart as well if I say yes.

I stayed up all night trying to make my decision. I did everything I could to try and pick the right answer.

I listed down pro's and cons, I tried to imagine situations together, I told myself how beautiful she is, but I also listed out all her flaws. I wanted to make the right decision.

The big question is, 'Do I like her?'. The answer was simple, of course I did.

But did I liker her in that sort of way.. I wasn't too sure. She had broken my heart by telling me she didn't have feelings for me and wanted to stay friends. Then maybe I should hurt her back and tell her I don't have feelings for her. No! I can't do that to her.

Why not? I couldn't hurt her back because... I like her the same way she did.

I can't figure out the answer now. Maybe I should make the decision tomorrow and get some rest now. That is, if I could really get some rest.....