Believe Me

I continued down the street, letting my black converse splash in gathering puddles. The rain dripped down my face, soaking my hair and clothes, but I didn't care. I don't want to be here. I want to run. Run as far away as I can possibly manage. Run away and never look back. Never even think of my past or the people in it.

But I can't.

I just can't run like that. Why? Because running would mean leaving you behind. You and all our memories. The laughs we shared, the music we wrote, the tears you wiped away, and even the lies I told. Yes, I did lie. I lied and lied, that's why I lost you. But the lying created this world, a world of hopes and dreams. A world where I had a family who cared, a life. Hell, I lied so much I began to believe them. I began to believe mom never died, dad never left me, I believed that I never spent 18 years of my life on the streets of Las Vegas. But alas, they were only lies. Fictional sentences my mind formed. But trust me when I say this, I never lied about loving you. I never lied when I said I was as far in love with you as a person could be. I wasn't faking the butterflies I felt when our eyes first met in that hallway of Mojave High. I wasn't faking the passion that was laced in our very first kiss. I wasn't faking the blush that rose to my cheeks everytime you held my hand. So babe, believe me when I say, I truly was in love with you.

I still am. But now? You're gone. Not a note, not a single goodbye. You packed up and left me. So believe me when I say this, I will wait for you. I will think of you day in and day out. I will never stop loving you.

"Sarah?" I heard a soft voice call as I rounded another corner, not knowing where I was going, or when I'd ever stop moving.

"Yeah?" I asked timidly peeking through my soaking wet black bangs that flapped in my eyes, trying to see who had called me.

"Sarah, what are you doing? It's pouring out here!" The mysterious voice called again.

"Thinking. I'm sorry, who are you?" I asked searching for the source of the voice but not seeing a thing through the pouring rain.

"It's Max." The voice said, my heart stopped. Whoever it was was playing a cruel joke on me.

"That's not funny. Who the fuck are you?" I asked, my voice rising a bit as I tried not to yell. A few hot tears of anger flowed down my cheeks warming my face.

"I'm not joking. It's Max." The voice said again, coming closer. I peered harder into the rain and could make out a blurry figure coming towards me.

"Max?" I asked in pure shock and disbelief as the figure came closer.

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"Sarah! What the hell were you thinking?!" he screamed at me

"I don't know Max! I'm so sorry, I never meant to lie to you..." I tried, but he cut me off

"You didn't mean to lie? What kind of bullshit is that? When a person lies they do it with full knowing." he yelled again, temper rising as red blotches appeared on his face. In any other case it'd make him adorable, but not now. Now, he was mad. And I can't fix this with a simple 'I love you', those days have passed.

"Max, I'm really sorry! I just thought that if I lied it'd fix things. I thought it would fix everything if I could just erase my past. And start over, I just wanted to start over!" I screamed back this time, increasing his anger

"Lying isn't starting over Sarah! It makes things more complicated. If you truly wanted to start fresh, you wouldn't of lied. You would have been truthful. You wouldn't have said you loved me if it wasn't true!" I said, inches from my face. All I wanted was to lean up and kiss him, but I couldn't. He's mad, he's never going to love me like he did before.

"I wasn't lying when I said I love you! I do love you Max. I do.If I didn't I wouldn't be here now. If I didn't I wouldn't have told you everything. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have confessed to my lies. But I do Max. I do love you. More than you'll understand, and definitely more than I ever thought I was capable of." I spoke softer now, stray tears freeing themself once again.

"I'd love to believe you, but you're a liar. A pathelogical liar. I can't be with you anymore. Get out." He said, calm and icy. He's never talked to me like that before. It really is over. No undo for this mistake.

"Goodbye Maxwell Scott Green. But remember, I'll always love you."

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The memories of the fight flashed through my head, making me sob. Even through the roar of the thunder and the flash of the lightning it would be easy to tell that I was crying. My mascara ran down my cheeks and left black trails down my face. I could have blamed in on the rain, but that lie would be easy to decipher.

"Yeah. Sarah, it's Max. I'm not joking." he said sincerely, finally standing in front of me. I looked into his green-grey eyes and saw hurt flash through them like the night of our fight.

"Max, I'm so sorry. I love you!" I sobbed when he wrapped his arms around me,

"I love you too Sarah. But, it's not the love I felt for you before. I can never love you that way again, you've hurt me too much. You told too many lies for me to understand you like I used to." he whispered into my hair, making me sob louder.

"But, why? I told you Max! I confessed it all to you! Doesn't that change anything!?" I yelled stepping away from him, now filled with rage.

"No. It doesn't change the fact that you lied, it doesn't change the fact you cheated on me, and it certainly doesn't change the amount of hell you've put me through." he said, his voice icy like it had been the night of our fight. That damned fight! I would give my soul just to go back to the day that fight happened and stop it. But my soul wouldn't be worth the trouble.

"Fine. Fine Max. You have your way. We're over. And Max?" I said, sarcasm and hatred dripping from every word that exited my perfectly red lips.

"Yeah?" he asked

"You were right. I never did love you." I spoke, venom injected in every syllable. I turned quickly on my heel and walked away from him, never to see him again.

As I walked down the street away from the love of my life I thought over the biggest lie I ever told.

'I never did love you.'