The Dreaming Smile Above the Skin

My alarm rings as I sit up in bed and stretch. As soon as I'm in the process of getting dressed, I hear a knock at the door. I didn't even get the chance to slip on a shirt or shoes yet, but I open the door to find a bright smiling Brendon.
"Hey." I say.
"Hey yourself." He says in a silly suggestive tone as he looks up and down my bare chest.
I roll my eyes.
"Are you excited for the trip to the park today?" He asks as he comes up closer to me. Before he can kiss me, I pull him into the house.
He shuts the door behind him and picks me up lightly to swing me around. I giggle a bit before the smile across my face almost hurts. My heart races because he's never swung me around. Like in those movies were the girl leaps into the guys arms as he spins her around. I'm such a hopeless romantic.
He kisses me softly and I just soak in the moment.
As we separate, I say, "I should probably finish getting dressed."
"Fun ruin-er." Brendon says with a bright smile before he places a kiss on my cheek.
As soon as I get my shirt and shoes on, I head with Brendon to his car and we make our way to the record store.
The day is filled with little hugs and kisses until it's finally the end of the day.
"Ready to go?" He says as we head into his car.
"Ready as I'll ever be." I say.
As soon as we get the park, we head over to one of the benches. It's around dusk so there's no signs of any kids; just us. I put my head on his shoulder and just take in the fresh air.
After a while, Brendon says, "Since there's no kids here, I'd say we should have a little fun."
At first I thought he was crazy. I've never played at a park since my mom...
I take a deep breath...
My mom.
"What da ya say, Ry?" He looks at me. I quickly pop a smile. He really didn't have to worry about my past. I'd tell him eventually... maybe.
"Is that a yes?" He asks.
"Of course." I say in a quiet voice. Any louder, I would probably lose it.
"C'mon!" He says as he takes my hand.
We pretty much explore the whole park. While jumping and swinging on monkey bars, to chasing each other down the slides. This is probably the most fun I've ever had. By the time we finish rolling down the grassy hill on the far end of the park (which wasn't the best idea in the world) we hop on the swings.
I remember this was my favorite part of the park: the swings.
I then remember how my mom used to push me until I went so high that I thought I could sprout wings and soar. I had such an imagination. I would even sit on her lap sometimes as we swayed like the wind through the trees.
I remember her kissing my cheek and saying, "You'll touch the sky someday." And at that point I could feel my cheeks become wet.
Goddamn it. Why here? Why now?
"Ryan, you okay?" Brendon says. His voice picks me up a bit.
"Um... yeah." But the tears strangle my words. I don't look at him, but I could hear him get up from his swing and come over to me.
I don't move... because I can't.
He crouches down in front of me with both hands on my knees.
"Ryan, you're crying." He says. I look at him and there's no happy smile, just a frown bleached with worry and sadness.
"What is it, babe?" He asks.
I can't fucking talk. I regret this. I hate that sad look in his eyes. I fucking hate it. I just want him to smile, that's all I want.
"Ryan, speak to me!" A chill runs up my spine. This is the first time he's ever demanded me to do something.
I then start to hate myself because I don't reply. My tears become stable, but even so... the littlest thing could knock over and break me.
I don't look in his eyes.
"Goddamn it, Ryan." He says, and that stress in his voice causes me to lunge out of my swing and throw my arms around him. We fall to the sandy ground and I let it out into the sleeve of his shirt. I have never gotten this emotional in front of him before.
"Ryan, honey, shhh it's okay." His hand gently holds my head to his chest.
By the time he helps me off the ground, he drags me over to the swing he was sitting on and pulls me onto his lap bridal style. Through my soaked face, I put on a smile as his thumb wipes some tears away.
"Why are you crying?"
And I want to say it; to say all of it, but I didn't want him to treat me like I'm some poor thing. All and all it's less of something he should worry about.
I tell him, "My mom used to take my to the park. Haven't seen her or heard from her since I moved here."
"I'm sorry..." Brendon says.
"It's okay... it's just." I take a deep breath.
"You're fragile." He says.
I wish that wasn't true, but he's right, "You don't have to be sorry." I say, because it's true. He doesn't realize what he might say or do to remind me of my past.
"Oh I think I do, Ry. I hate when you cry."
"I hate when you worry about me." Slips out.
He looks more upset; more serious, "I care about you, Ryan. Why shouldn't I worry?"
"Because." I breathe. And if he really wants to know, "No one's cared for me."
"Ryan." And he looks so goddamn surprised that it's heart breaking.
He pulls me into a hug and whispers in my ear, "I'll never stop caring for you."
I let out a smile and how happy tears fall down my face. When he looks back at me, his smile also draws wide as he kisses me.
When we stop, he adds, "And since I care about you more than anything in this world I, uh, just wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?" I say.
"Would you like to move in with me?"
And right then and there, I had become the happiest man alive, "Yes, yes, yes!"
He smiles like crazy as he comes in to place another sweet kiss on my lips.
As we then walk hand in hand to his car, the smile never leaves my face.