The Dreaming Smile Above the Skin

It still tears me up inside that it's been a little over a month and Brendon can't eat anything. Not even soup, because it just comes right up. Somehow I've become a lot more stable around him. His steady breathing gets me through the afternoons and nights. Luckily, the manager of the record store let me drop for now. Glad he finally has some common sense. Any minute without Brendon just burns and pierces right through me.
We're laying in bed side by side. He's curled into me as we talk more about school and some of my past.
"I wish I could have been there for you in high school." He says.
"You barely knew I existed." I reply, softly.
He looks at me with a serious expression, "I never got the chance to really talk to you."
"You were too busy hanging around your millions of other popular friends."
His jaw drops as though I had said something mean about him, "Ryan..." He re-adjusts into my side, "I would have been your friend in a heartbeat."
I can feel a smile coming on. I know he knows it's true. He just wants to make me feel better and that's pretty adorable. His head falls to my chest as I pick at his hair.
After a while he says, "You know... I honestly can't believe you are still the same Ryan."
"I'm just more exposed." I reply.
"I guess. I wish your life wasn't so sad. I wish I could have been there from the start with you."
"I wish so too." I say... in all honesty.
He sits up slightly a takes a light hold of my left arm. I wish his eyes weren't so focused on it. He moves into a position to lean himself down and bring my arm up slowly. As soon as my scars and his lips meet halfway... he places a kiss on the damaged skin. My heart sinks into my stomach. I've never been in this position before and I'm not even sure that I deserve this.
His fingers lightly go over my skin and it's as though the pain has gone away. I don't breath a word, but manage to exhale normally when he returns more snug in my side.
A few more minutes pass and I can feel him nudge against me. He brings his head up closer to mine. I do my part and lean in to kiss him. We haven't kissed in a while. I miss it.
His lips feel almost needy against mine. As soon as we stop, he buries his face into the crook of my neck.
"I miss your touch." He says, before he places light on and off kisses to my skin.
"I know..." I tell him, of course we couldn't bother with anything remotely related to sex. It would weaken and hurt him more.
I feel his fingers running along the trail of hair below my navel. It's almost relaxing.
"I wish we could do more..."
"I know..." And that's all I can really say to him.
His hand removes from my skin as he grabs one of my hands. Our fingers intertwine and I face him.
"I love you." He says.
"I love you too."
He gives me a kiss on the cheek before cuddling up and falling asleep.