hopeless & heartless

CHAPTER I

Can anyone say that loves someone with everything you have,even though you didn’t changed one word with him and probably that person doesn’t knowledge your existence on earth.Well I believe in this with all my heart.
Since the first time, when I saw that blue sea which seemed so alive but yet so tantalizing,every heartbeat was for him.
His deep and cold voice,although we only spoke on time,concealed a burning pain,and I could recognized that voice even in my sleep.The advantage of loving from distance was that I knew every whricle on his face,or how he’d mess with his hair every two minutes.
Every night,wrapped in my blanket,I revive the scene that happened three years ago,when I first met him.I remember his exactly gestures and words towards me.I live with fear that one day I’ll woke up and I’ve been forgotten the sound of his voice.
It was first day of school,after Christmas break,my first year of highschool,Jack had managed to broke his arm in two places,skying.Knowing him ,probably he intentionally had done that to skip classes,my twin brother was the diabolic half.It wouldn’t bother me if it didn’t meant that I had to drive a car,and me+car=disaster.And that morning wasn’t any different.I had succeeded to be pulled two times by the police,running late,I was exhausted when I got to Calculus.
I stopped in front of the teacher desk,putting my palms on my knees while I tried to regain my breath.My hair was a mess and my blouse was dangerously falling from my left shoulder but I was glad that I only had been late for 20 minutes.
-Miss Carlson,you honour us with your presence!
I straightened myself ,in front of me was a man in his fifthies,but Mr Ferguson wasn’t the usual grumpy and histerical teacher.
-Sorry for being late.I was moving from one foot to another,fixing my hair.The rest of the class was whispering.
-Do I want to know where is the other half?
He raised his eyebrows,trying to look serious but he was almos choking with laughfter.
-Oh,he met a tree,which was nice enough to break his hand after he skied on the professional track even though he doesn’t know how to put his equipment on.
I said calm like I was talking about the weather,but with my brother this was normal.The whole class broke into laughter,even the teacher was amused.Jack was my big brother,with only 4 minutes,but he always brag about it.
We were practically identical,I had feminine figures,I was shorter than him,while his eyes were blue,mine were black and nobody understood how I was a natural blonde.
-Come on,hush,hush to your seat.
I made my way through the classroom with a big smile plastered on my face,thinking about my lunatic brother.Usually I sat beside Jack but now I could concentrate on the lesson without his stupid jokes.
I stopped in front of our desk but in my brother place were that blue eyes that would begun to hunt my dreams every night.My knees suddenly gone weak.I put my hands on the table for support.
After a moment he moved his eyes in other direction,but I wanted to see those blue eyes an eternity,to be lost in their beauty.I took my seat beside him,not taking my eyes from him.He would probably thought I was a creep for the way I was steering but I couldn’t look elsewhere.
The teacher continued his lesson but I was oblivious at everything around me .In my universe,I was just me and him.His black hair was cut very short like marine.It was shocking the contrast between his black hair and blue eyes.My heart was beating so fast that was deafening me,I put my palm on the chest,trying to calm down,I was scared that all the class could hear my heart beating for him.
He was taking notes but all the time that I watched him his face showed no emotion.’Till today he didn’t let me see a carefree smile on his face.
Sometimes I zoned out,imagining him smiling at me,and I’d give everything to make that dream,reality.I looked at his well built hand writing graciously like painting,afraid to destroy a masterpiece.Certainly he wasn’t from around because his skin was too white for sunny Cali.
His hand suddenly stopped, he was glaring at me with such a force that made me let my head down.I was shacking but after a few minutes I gained strength to be able to formulate a coeernt frase.
-I didn’t see you before…your new.I whispered,raising my head.I watched as him continued to take notes.
Waiting for his answer I started moving around on my seat,happy that I could hear his voice for the first time but that didn’t happened.
‘He didn’t hear you,you moron.’
-I’m Juliette,but everybody calls me Julie or Jules,it’s more easy to remember.If you want I can show you around,if you didn’t ask somebody else already.
After I finished,I mentally slaped myself,when I was nervous I had the tendency to talk and talk and talk.He was unaffected by all that,acting like I wasn’t even there.
I was starting to think that I’m being mocked and I didn’t knew the word patience.Without thinking,I touched his hand stoping him from writing.His skin was so soft giving me goosepums,feeling like I was ready to brust.He move his hand abrubtly watching me with rage.
-What do you think your doing?
Those sounds were new to my ears,but my soul knew that voice,from the beginning of times.
-Ih…mmm.I tried to talk but I was interrupted.
-Usually when somebody doesn’t answer means that he isn’t interested so you should stop talking.But you don’t understand so let me clear it for you.
I was standing hard-hearted listening his painful words.Even though he was full of venom,he managed to draw me in more.
-I don’t care what’s your name or chit-chating with you during this class that is already a torture .Don’t you dare touch me again.And find somebody else to play the good Samaritan with.
I was holding back the tears,and crying was uncommon for me,but I was feeling like my heart had been ripped from my chest.
The bell helped me no to burst into tears in front of him,at least I could keep my last drain of dignity.When the bell rang,I dashed out from my seat and in five seconds I was already in the bathroom,crying my eyes out.
I wasn’t crying because he had been an asshole to me,but because I knew I was in love with someone I had met a hour ago,I didn’t knew anything about him and on top of all he loathed me.In that moment I was certain that I would never forget about him.
Aiden,I had found out his name from Vanessa,was being the target of every girl in school but he didn’t seemed to make friends.In courses he was quiet and at lunch he was siting alone even though everybody wanted him at their table,even Jack had asked him to sit with us.But he was the definition of loneliness.
The next year at he’s table was another person,his brother Jesse,who seemed more sociable,but he remained the same.
I watched him from distance,with a hole in my chest that would never fill no matter I was seeing other guys or I was miles away from him.Then started the rumours about him screwing more than half of the girls from school.Everytime I heard those rumours,in the night I was falling asleep crying.I couldn’t help not being jealous of those girls because I wasn’t even receiving an hello from him.The gossips came true in my eyes when I saw Amber,the head cheerleader,get in his car.
I felt betrayed,even though we were practically strangers and the grief didn’t want want to leave my soul.I moured that night for the last hope,that maybe one morning he would woke up,not hating me.
I didn’t want his love,because I knew it was impossible.I would’ve been contented with a lazy hello but I knew I was being delusional.
Now I’m getting ready for my first day of senior year,the last yearI could see him.After graduation nothing will connect us and that made me scream in pain.It says that love makes you fly but my love for him was slowly destroying me like a disease.But if I could start over I wouldn’t change the way I’m feeling now.This feeling made every cell in my body burst out,awakening me.