Don't Let Me Jump, Don't Let Me Fall

Avery

Three days before Warped Tour

"I can't believe you're leaving for three whole months." I said towards my childhood friend, Alan. I laid my back onto his bed while he still continued packing his stuff.

"I know it's a long time but you'll be okay. The fridge has already been restocked and I left money to pay the rent and for whatever you choose to spend it on." Alan said, closing his second suitcase.

"It just won't be the same without you and the guys."

"Three months will go by fast if you don't think about it too much Ave." As he continued to finish packing the last of his bags for Warped, I sighed and just laid there.
Sure I was happy for the guys being on main stage this year. It was a wonderful moment when they found out for the first time. Ever since Shayley left things just haven't been the same so when the band was picked for main stage things started looking up for everyone.

Well that is everyone except me. On the outside I was happy but in reality I was scared and had been for a while now ever since the news came.

My mind has been flooded with thoughts and memories that I can't be erased. I get scared just thinking back to the past because when I try to think of all the good times I've had with Alan and the band, I'm haunted by the horrible ones. The ones that would've never been there if it wasn't for my foolishness.

For a year a put up with the pain and suffering that comes from abuse. I thought it was just a way of feeling loved in returned for the first few moments of the relationship and since I honestly have never been in love before I was head over heels. I guess you could say that I was in love with the ideal of being in love.

Don't get me wrong the guy wasn't bad to begin with. We had gone on a couple of dates here and there but one night we were over at my old apartment, just laughing and conversing about the movie we had watched together, I had received a text from Alan asking about hanging out with the guys the night after.

My boyfriend at the time immediately assumed that I had been cheating. That's when the first hit was thrown. I had just sat there and taken it. He soon apologized after noticing what he had just done. I was shocked and scared to do anything else but I forgave him then and there.

Soon the cycle started repeating itself, I would do something wrong and later get punished for it. Apologies would come after the beatings had been done but days passed by and soon weeks the apologies would become less and die down while the beatings would rise into greater numbers.

It wasn't until Alan noticed the distance between myself and the band and later the bruise that came from the horrendous relationship.

Now here I am watching the guy who helped me through everything leave. I doubt I'll be able to entertain myself with Alan, it would be a long three months alone without him. I just wish I could have more time to spend with him.

"Ave, you starting to make me worry." Alan said as he zipped up his final suitcase, "I hate seeing you down like this, what's the matter?"

I could feel myself choking on my words the second he asked. I thought to myself if I should really tell him the truth but it tears me to pieces just even mentioning what happened.

"What if he comes back?" I blurted out. Which I quickly regretted ever doing so in my head.

Alan sighed as he laid down next to me on the bed.
"You can't keep staying in the past forever Avery. You're going to have to get over it at one point."

"I know, I know, I keep telling myself that on the outside but on the inside I doubt it will ever come true."

"When you stop worrying about what happened in the past and focus on the future it will." Alan stated," Just try and make the best out of your life now."

He sat up and looked at me. "I'm tired of seeing you put yourself down over something that wasn't and will never be your fault. Where's the Avery that I used to know and love, the one who wouldn't worry about the past and would look towards the bright side. I miss her."

"She's gone." was all my lips could mutter out.

Alan looked at me and became quiet. I could tell he was thinking about something by the expression on his face at the moment. Seconds later he soon spoke up again.

"Ave look at me." He said.

I did as I was told, not wanting to upset him anymore. I had already done enough damage to our friendship, I wasn't ready to lose him like everyone else who had walked out on me.

"Why don't you come on tour with us, I mean it'll be better than staying in this apartment and besides you need to start living more."

I stared at Alan, his recent words just pondered around inside my head.

"Think about it, you'll meet other bands and be surrounded by tons of music. It's okay if you don't want to go though due to this being said last minute."

I was at a loss for words for the first time in my life. I didn't really know what to do at this point. Alan was right before though. Maybe it would be best to go on tour with them to get my mind off of everything that has been occupying it. Maybe it was just time to be my old self but better and finally stop living in the past so much. I couldn't change my past but I can sure shape my future.

The sound of the doorbell ringing knocked me out of my thoughts.

"The guys are here," he stated," You just go and start packing while I get the door."

I got up from his bed and smiled to myself.

"Maybe things will actually start to look up for once."