Don't Let Me Jump, Don't Let Me Fall

Vic

Day four: Irvine, California

In front of me stood tons and tons of people all crowded together. It seemed like there were more, most likely as far as the eye could see or even image. This was it. This is what came out of all the hard work the band and I had put in for years.

The feeling of singing my heart out up onstage in front of people made me happy that there was someone out there who cared. Not just because what the whole band was about but for the lyrics as well.

I took a step back from in front of microphone stand. The crowd clapped and cheered as the song started to change from bulletproof love to chemical kids and mechanical brides. Right then and there as I began to sing the lyrics she came into view again.

There was no camera in her hand, she quietly stood in front of the barrier facing me with a smile upon her lips.Oh how I loved when she did that.Other photographers stood on both sides of her casually taking pictures of the band as I sang. One by one the crowd of fans became blurry in my vision soon later followed by the photographers in front of the barricade.

The only one that was left was Avery. I started to become tense while I continued singing. Even though she was the only one there she still made me nervous. I was afraid of failure. In other words I was afraid to slip up in front of her.

She still was unaware of how she actually makes me feel on a daily basis but a part of me was still not ready yet to come to terms on spilling the secret. Certain things like that were probably best to be put off for a while. Right?

"As you fall fast asleep, it reminds me. Of the slow symphonies behind me." I focused my glance upon where Avery had been standing only to see that she was gone. Where could she have went? I could've sworn she was here minutes ago. It was no use now.

Images of the crowd and photographers surrounding the stage came back into view as if they had never been in a blurry state in the first place. Mike's drumming brought me back into reality as the beat started changing into Caraphernelia; the last song in our set.

I couldn't spend the last few minutes worrying about Avery. It wouldn't be fair to the people who traveled all the way to venue for me to ruin a show just because of a crush. Yeah that's right a crush, one small crush that doesn't really mean anything. Only I just have to keep telling myself that for the remainder of the tour.



I slightly shook my head, trying to remove some of the sweat I had because of my performance. Compliments from fans who were standing on the side of the stage were being uttered at the band as we began to exit the stage.

I shouted back a few "thank you's" along with the band and signed a few items for the people there. One voice in particular happened to capture my attention the most. "I think you might need this," the angelic voice spoke as the person held a towel in front of me.

I felt my nerves creep back on me as I looked up at the person's face. There she was. I managed to mutter out a small thank you back towards her as we began walking around the venue. "I'm really sorry I couldn't make it to your performance today. I didn't notice Motionless in White's set overlapped with you guys until it was too late," she continued to go on.

So this whole time she actually hadn't been at our set. This was starting to get confusing. I swear I saw her there. It had to be her that was there. It just had to be. Or was I actually imagining things the whole time while I was upon stage.

"Vic."

"Yes." I didn't realize that I had drifted off for a minute. Hopefully Avery wasn't mad at the fact that I did by accident.

"Again I'm really sorry."

"It's okay. You don't have to apologize. I understand stuff like that happens all the time." I tried reassuring her to not worry anymore when honestly it hurt me seeing her down like this even when she had missed one show. I didn't want to make it seem as if it was her fault.

"No it's not."

"It is. I'm not mad at you or anything and I'm pretty sure the guys also will understand."We continued walking throughout the venue, getting closer to the buses with each step we took.

"Wait!"

I felt her small hand gently grab my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. This wasn't like Avery at all, well not from what I have seen her do before.

"I feel bad. Let me at least make it up to you. Your call, whatever you want. Please," She begged me. To be honest I didn't know what to say at that point. The word speechless couldn't even describe how I felt. Maybe this was it.

Maybe this was my chance to tell Avery or at least show some sort of sign to let her know about what she means to me. I don't even understand why she would have to make it up to me in the first place. Just being near her made me happy, a spark of sense ease and affection would appear when she was happy.

Maybe I'm getting a little too ahead of myself. She probably didn't find me attractive whatsoever. Why would she anyways when she could have Alan. I'm pretty sure they were dating by now.
From the looks of it he knew her better than anyone else on this tour. They were always together.

Then again that night in Denver she was sad because of the way he acted and then again in Vegas but the next day they seemed all cheerful as if their fights never had happened at all. Their relationship was another thing that constantly puzzled me.

"Vic." I turned back to Avery, her eyes showing a worried look.

"Uh yes"

"You spaced out again."

"Sorry."

"So, "she piped back up, "have you thought about it?"

"C-can I get back to you on that?"

Avery kept quiet for a minute most likely taking the time to digest what I had just said. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do but I still didn't want to let her down. It would've hurt me to know that I was the reason she was sad or upset.

"Okay." I was happy she wasn't mad about my response, "But don't think I'm letting you off the hook Mr. Fuentes." Laughing at her choice of words I smiled and muttered back, "Don't worry Miss Blake I'll think of something. We soon quickly started walking towards the bus area again.

On the way there we chatted about simple, little things like how each other's day was going so far and other things like what band we were most excited to see on tour this year. I never realized how much I enjoyed our simple conversations til now.
never realized how much I enjoyed our simple conversations til now.

There was always something to laugh about or something to talk about to where we almost finished each other's sentences. Hanging out with Avery was starting to open my eyes to a lot of things.
If it only it didn't have to end so soon.

"Avery!"

The two of us were soon interrupted by the calling of her name. Both of us had turned around. I could tell Avery was happy while on the other hand I was starting to feel unpleasant from the sight of who the calling of her was coming from. A few feet away from us was Alan and Ryan Neff from Miss May I; both sitting on motorcycles.

"C'mon Ave, we're going for a ride." Alan yelled back.

Avery laughed before she shifted her gaze back upon me. Frowning she spoke, "I guess this is where we part ways for now."

"I guess it is. See you tomorrow?" I asked hoping that there was at least of hint of eagerness in her voice to see me again.

"Yeah." I wish I could've told her not to leave, to stay with me. Why was I so stupid?

Avery left and met Alan halfway as she hopped onto the bike with him, her hands around his waist. And with that they were off.

Why couldn't that have been me.

Why couldn't I have been the daring and wild guy she rode off with.

Fuck.

The rest of the walk towards the Ptv bus was lonely and quiet. As I made my way onto the bus I headed for the back just to see if anyone was there. If I was lucky enough it would only be me.

Tony was sprawled across one of the couches while Mike and Jaime sat on the floor playing a game on the Xbox we had on the bus. Tony had been the first to notice my arrival.

"There you are. We've been waiting for you to get here." He spoke.

"Yeah," Jaime chimed in, "What took you so long?"
I didn't even feel like speaking then and there. I was hurt.

"Are you still going to the party tonight?" Mike had asked not sensing how upset I was. I don't anyone of them actually did. I turned around to head back to my bunk. I didn't feel like doing anything now. Sleeping would be the best remedy to get my mind off of what had just happened.

"Vic at least tell us where you were." Jaime said trying to get me to speak.

I simply ignored him.

I was with a girl who I'm pretty sure I blew my chances of us ever being together.