Don't Let Me Jump, Don't Let Me Fall

Avery

11:00 p.m. 12.5 hours until Warped Tour

As I entered the bar I placed Vic's phone into my back pocket. My main goal was to try and locate him in the bar at least but now that seemed nearly impossible due to how crowded it was. Band and crew members were scattered all over the place.

Some were conversing with each other while others were most likely on their fourth drink by now. With this many people in one spot it would be hard to pick out anyone from the large swam of bodies.

"Ave." A voice shouted. I looked across the room and noticed Austin walking towards me.

"You finally made it." He said while pulling me into a bear hug, "The guys and I were starting to worry for a minute. Come have some drinks with us and celebrate."

He grabbed my hand and started pulling me into the direction everyone else was. It felt like a traumatizing shock had been sent throughout my body at that moment bringing back unwanted memories. I immediately pulled back from his grasp causing his expression to change from cheerful to alarmed look to form on face.

"I'm sorry, Austin. I-I-"

Oh god I was starting to stutter again, could this night get anymore worse than it already was. "I'm sorry Austin, I just can't right now due to the fact that I'm looking for someone. Do you know a guy named Vic by any chance?"

I stood there waiting for Austin to respond. My phone was in a stranger's care. Who knows what they could've done with it at the moment but then again I shouldn't be angry at him due to the fact that I had completely snooped throughout his phone.

"I saw his band Pierce the veil walk through the door a few minutes later after we had arrived. They should be near the other end of the bar."

I smiled at his words and gave him a hug before heading off. On my way there I passed by a few other bands on warped this year, Blessthefall, Miss May I, and You Me at Six. Vic's band was still nowhere in sight. I mentally cursed myself out for bumping into him in the first place.

A loud noise startled me while in my thoughts. It continued coming from the right direction a few feet away from where I was currently standing. Three guys surrounded a small table in the area, multiple bottles of whisky and tequila sat on top of it. One of the taller guys were chugging down bottle after bottle.

Was this really the band Austin had told me about, I thought. I was wasting even more time standing in the same spot thinking to myself. How hard could it be talking to three people who were probably already drunk out of their minds.

I sighed, it was now or never. My brain kept telling myself to go over there and ask but my feet wouldn't budge the slightest bit. I took a few deep breaths before I felt my feet pick up and walk towards their direction.

"All you have to do is ask where their friend is at and then leave." I repeated those words over and over again inside my head. I suddenly felt their eyes fall upon me as I stood in front of their table. I didn't mean to intrude on them but I had to get this over with, the fast the better right?

"Uh hi." was all I could manage to get out.

It was an awkward silence between the four of us. One minute they had been having the time of their lives and the next they're silenced for no reason. The booze had most likely gotten to them before I had reach their table. It felt like time had slowed down until one person out of the group finally decided to speak up.

"Hey." He said. I sensed my nervousness pick back up. What was the point in even asking now if I was just going to freeze up on site? This plan was starting to backfire on me. I blame Alan for bringing me on this tour in the first place, as a matter of fact I blame myself for everything instead.

"Um are you still there?" He asked again waving his hand in my face showing his various tattoos at the same time. Snapping back into reality I looked at the guy again trying not to show my anxiousness.

"Do any of you know I guy named Vic?"

They got quiet again before quickly laughing at what I said. The booze had definitely gotten to them now. The taller guy approached me placing his arm around my shoulder. The smell of whisky coming off of his breath bothered me as he spoke.

So you're looking for Vic eh?" He said as his words became even slurred by the second. I stood there quietly nodding my head at what he said.

"Well he's not here, he's probably back in the bus crying over that bitch of an ex he has."

"Amen to that," The third guy with spiky hair said as him and the taller guy high-fived one another about the comment.

I remained there standing in my spot in front of the three. The taller guy's words echoed in and out of my head. He's probably back in the bus crying over that bitch of an ex he has. Was the girl he was complaining about the one from earlier in the text? I instantly shook the thought away.

This night had been a complete disaster and it was starting to get even worse by the minute.

"Oh," I shot them an apologetic expression, "Sorry for wasting your time, I'll just be on my way then." And with that I left headed towards the back of the bar and outside into the warm, airy night.

I couldn't take it anymore. Right then and there I let it all out as I screamed. I scream to release all of the pain out, all of the tension and trauma that had been constantly bothering me. Screaming helped me to get over a lot on things in my life but that didn't seem to make things any easier at this point.

I laid my back against the wall after I had finished the last of my scream fest. Pulling out a carton of Newport I slipped a cigarette between my lips and lit it. I wasn't a fan of self-harm, after having been abused for a year I couldn't feel the need to do it to my own self which was the reason smoking became a bad habit of mine.

Alan told me time after time how he hated whenever I smoked but he wasn't here now. Who am I to blame but myself for everything happening now.

I was lost and a wreck, and for once in my lifetime no one was there to guide me.