All I Wanted

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the smell of beer.

It was an awful thing to wake up to, the taste of the stale lager settled on my tongue like an imprint. I smack my lips to try and rid the horrid taste from my mouth, but it wouldn't bugger off. I groan and stretch, the couch cushions under my back lumpy and uncomfortable.

My eyes slowly open, a dark and musty light hitting my corneas. A dull ache was living behind my eyes. An aftereffect of my horrendous drinking last night.

I try to remember last night.

I was walking around town. It was cold, a bitter chill I remember. I had been walking down the street, small little flakes of snow passing my face. I had come up to the window of that restaurant, our restaurant, and I had looked inside.

I saw him.

With her.

My eyes shoot open a second time, my other three senses coming into play. As my ears focus, I hear the faint sound of Leave it to Beaver, my favorite childhood show. I turn my head, the ache in my head making me wince, and I spot my TV. I forgot. In my drunken state I had put in the DVDs he had gotten me for my birthday a couple years ago.

I glance around to my coffee table, the empty beer cans and half-full Jack Daniels spilled over. I spot another bottle of Lemon Vodka across my apartment, placed hazardously on my dresser, balancing precariously; as if it would tip over any second.

I remember now.

After that horrific scene of Justin and Lily I had stormed back to my place and cracked open my alcohol collection. God, did I drink my entire apartment last night?

I sit up on my couch, my back creaking like it was a thousand years old. I felt my entire body flinch.

As I stand I feel myself kick one of my empty cans of Bud Light, groaning out loud again. I stumble as I take a step, grabbing at my head as my foot hit the ground. It sounded like a fucking gunshot. I make it to my bathroom, somehow, and grab the Aspirin.

I take two dryly before grabbing a trash bag from my kitchen.

I take a swig of my Jack Daniels, the bitter liquid burning my throat. I ignore it as I throw cans upon cans into my trash bag. Shit, did I drink a lot last night.

I tie the bag in a bow and throw it toward my kitchen, ignoring the clanking it made.

My butt plops back down on the couch as I bring the lip of my Jack Daniels to my mouth and chug a few mouthfuls. It was still bitter and I was still hungover but I didn't care. This is my way of coping with that cheating bastard still walking around the fucking town like he didn't do anything. Ha! He didn't do anything my ass.

In my semi-drunk state, the almost-empty Jack Daniels bottle swishing with a little liquid left, I grab for my phone, my head still throbbing like an annoying bruise. I dial Justin's phone number, swigging my alcohol on my mouth. A bit of the brown water dribbled down my chin.

"Justin!" I giggle, when his voicemail picked up. "Not answering me again, huh?"

I took a moment to laugh at myself again.

"I just wanted to call and tell you...everything's fine," I give a watery grin to my apartment, knowing Justin couldn't see me. "Am I upset that you cheated on me with Lily Schmeckinsteinwerter? Of course! Is that her last name?" I shake my head to myself. "Never mind! I don't care what her last name is. All I care about is that I forgive you, okay?" I chug more. "And you know what? I'll be all right. I have my friend...Jack, to help me. He's real swell. I don't want you to worry."

I choke a bit on my drink, laughing again.

"You aren't worrying are you? Of course not. You never cared about me and you never will," I chuckle to myself, sighing dramatically. "But it's cool. I'm gonna find someone who treats me right. Not some douche-bag like you who can't keep it in his pants for Lily Schmeckin-whatever." I couldn't stop giggling. "So have a nice life, all right? 'Cause I just found myself some closure like Rachel did when she drunkenly called Ross. Much like I'm doing right now. So," I pause to pour some Jack into my mouth, "fuck you!"

I then hang my phone up and throw it across my living room, settling deep into my couch.

In all honesty, I didn't find closure. I wanted a fresh start with Justin. I didn't want it to end. For him to cheat on me with Lily was the lowest point in my life. Couldn't we just have a do-over? Like in a video game, where you get to restart the level after dying. Couldn't we just do that?

It would be a hell of a lot easier than drowning in alcohol and my own self-pity.