Letting You In

There was nothing more raw, more vulnerable and scary than falling in love. It's safe and it's dangerous, it's happy and it's sad, it's painful and it's pure. It's a promise to be one with another human being, mind, body, and soul. You don't choose who you love -- your heart does. Sometimes, distinguishing the difference between love and lust, or any other strong emotion, isn't easy. And sometimes, admitting that you love someone is harder than any other human action in the world. It's not easy to let yourself be so open with someone else; someone who at one point was a complete stranger. To let another person into your life and become allow them to become a part of you is like allowing someone to openly tear you apart from the inside out. They have the power to break you down until you are nothing but skin and bones. It's terrifying, it's exhilarating, and it's like no other experience on Earth. But with love comes trust. If you trust someone enough to love, you trust them to protect your heart like no other.

Veronika Cross knew the moment she fell in love with Garrett Nickelsen. It wasn't on a romantic date or during an intimate moment between the two. There were no fireworks or butterflies in her stomach that alerted to the sudden revelation. It was on a Saturday night, just after 11pm when the lightning bugs and crickets had finally come out of hiding and the stars lit up the sky above. She finally realized that she loved Garrett like no other on the night in which they had their biggest fight. And somehow, it seemed as though fate had played a role during this time because had it not been for this particular fight, Veronika knew she wouldn't have been able to distinguish love from like.

"Veronika! Veronika, I'm not done talking to you!" Garrett all but screamed, storming out the door after her.

Veronika kept her head held high and stomped past all the people gathered in the front yard, her heels hanging carelessly in her hand. She was never good at walking in anything other than a flat shoe but somehow her best friend Hannah Tate had managed to convince her that the dress she was wearing would look completely ridiculous unless paired with a set of strappy, black heels. And although against her better judgment, Veronika had slipped them on her feet. She was regretting wearing them now that they were doing nothing other than slowing down her rushed exit. Halfway to the front door she decided to take them off, muttering an angry 'fuck it' under her breath as her bare feet stomped down the gravel walk away and across the grass. She could care less that everyone was staring at her; they had been doing so all night long anyway. It didn't bother her that the wet grass from the rain that fell earlier in the day was soaking her feet or that she probably looked like some coked up nut job with the way she was rushing. Nothing mattered to her other than to escape him.

"Veronika!"

She ignored his angry shouts at her and instead chose to continue walking as though he was nothing but a ghost shouting to be heard but failing miserably. Long fingers wrapped around her upper arm and before she knew what was happening, Garrett was spinning her around to face him. The sudden swing in her step caused her to lose her balance and she nearly toppled over onto the ground - the outcome would have been much worse if she hadn't taken off those god for saken heels. Garrett gripped both her arms to balance her and also to keep her from running away. She wretched her arms from his grasp and took a leap backwards, narrowing her eyes on him as he glared right back.

"Don't you dare touch me!"

"Hear me out, okay? I-"

"No! Just stay away from me, Garrett. I'm going home. You can stay here and enjoy the rest of the night with your buddies, okay?"

Veronika turned away, but before she even got a chance to take a step forward, Garrett's body had stepped around her and prevented her from moving. He crossed his arms and glared at her, squaring his shoulders.

"Just let me explain Ronnie and then maybe you won't be so angry and-"

"Oh, I am not angry! I'd be angry if you just left the toilet seat up again or if you misplaced my car keys, but I'm not angry Garrett. I'm absolutely livid!" And she was. Veronika was downright pissed. But under the angry face and the crinkled eye brows, underneath all her anger, she was just simply hurt. Hurt and disappointed that the boy she thought she had been dating for just about a year and half now had been all but acting his way through their relationship.

"Ronnie, you're drunk and angry. I get it, you have the right to be, but just let me explain."

"Fuck you. I may be drunk but that doesn't mean that my anger is any less warranted! You know why? Because I just walked in on my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend making out like two sex-deprived bunnies!"

"We were not going at it like 'sex-deprived bunnies', Veronika. Cut the dramatics, okay? I get what I did was wrong but it wasn't my fault."

"So, you're saying that you didn't kiss your ex?"

"Yes, well no, but just, ah fuck, Ronnie. Listen to me okay. She came onto me."

Veronika let out a very unattractive snort, and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms like gate of protection. "She came onto me," she mimicked, unconvinced. "Please, humor me, Garrett. That's a pathetic excuse. I thought you of all people would be able to come up with something better."

"It is not an excuse, it's the truth. If you were as trusting as I thought you were, you'd believe me!"

"Oh, don't you dare try to blame this on me!"

"I'm not!" He screamed, completely fed up with this argument already. As he noticed a crowd begin to form, he let out an aggravated sigh and tugged on his hair, stress consuming him. He grabbed her wrist and began to pull her towards his car down the street, some ways away from prying eyes. When he finally reached his infamous yellow car, Veronika ripped her arm from his grasp and took a step back, wanting to create some distance between them.

The way his eyes stared desperately at her made her want to simply forgive him and jump into his arms. But she couldn't do that - she had too much pride to simply forgive and forget what she had witnessed tonight.

"I didn't kiss her Veronika." She hated that he was using her full name. He rarely did and it just didn't sound right coming out of his mouth.

"You didn't deny her either, Garrett! You let her kiss you and you did nothing but stand there and shuffle your feet like some mute, adolescent pussy! If you didn't want to be with me, you should have said so. I'm not weak Garrett, despite what you may think. I've been through more than you could ever imagine and some boy in a band with blue eyes and a charming little smile isn't going to break me down. I'm sorry if I couldn't be the perfect girl but you know what I'm me, Veronika Cross in all my glory. And whether you like it or not, I am not going to change for you or anybody else! So if you want to be with her, then go ahead, go, see if I care." Even as those last words left her mouth, she knew she didn't mean them and from the way her voice cracked at the end, he knew too.

There were tears streaking down her pale face by the time she had finished screaming, and the black of her mascara had stained her cheeks. She quickly lifted a hand to wipe them away, but only succeeded in smudging the streaks across her cheeks. It was the one thing she always thought she was safe from with Garrett. He had promised her and she had believed him that he would never hurt her, however impossible that promise seemed for anyone to make. And yet, here they stand. It was all a lie. Silently, she turned away and began to storm down the street. Her stomach churned and she felt bile rise in her throat; she wanted to be rid of the pain that suddenly spiked in her chest and spread like wild-fire through her entire body. This was what your heart breaking felt like.

Every pore in her body seemed too fragile as her skin prickled painfully all over. She could barely remember blinking as she watched Garrett hesitate into the kiss for a moment. He’d actually kept his lips attached to Rachel's for just a split second before pushing her off. He’d kissed her back. Even if it was for just a moment, those few seconds proved that he had yet to be over her.

Veronika's chest constricted painfully before she grasped her ribcage which seemed to be pulsing painfully, stumbling and tripping over her feet as her vision blurred. Garrett stared at her for a moment with a look of sadness before his eyes trailed over to where Rachel was standing with a group outside the party house, her arms crossed and a careless look on her face, watching like all the other nosy partiers.. She had done this on purpose; Garrett had no doubt about that in his mind. Maybe some part of her also wanted to get him back, but her intention was more or less to hurt Veronika and their relationship. He'd be damned if he let her win. He willed his legs to move and practically ran towards Ronnie's retreating figure.

“Oh my God.” Veronika had never felt so broken in all her life. Swallowing back the lump in her throat like it was a ball of nails, she chocked on a sob. Her legs trembled with each step towards her car, but just as she reached it, Garrett grabbed her arm once again. “Don’t!” She choked out, her hands trembling as she attempted to stick the key into the lock, missing each time. She cursed, growing agitated as she felt his presence looming behind her.

"Ronnie, stop." Hands once again grabbed her arms, more gentle then before but still firm. Blue eyes suddenly met hers as his fingers held her chin, raising it to make her eyes meet his. "I know what you saw looked bad, horrible even. But just let me explain okay." She didn't say anything, but she didn't make a move to run again either so slowly, Garrett released her, watching carefully in case she decided to run again. He stepped back to allow her some breathing room, knowing how much she hated to feel crowded. He ran his hands through his hair and gulped in a deep breath.

"I don't want to see you again, Garrett."

His heart broke at her words. He knew she was angry and upset, and rightfully so, but those were the last words he had expected her to say.

“No, fuck! Ronnie, I swear to God she came over to me - she was flirting but I didn’t think anything would happen and then out of nowhere she kissed me!” He argued, the shock on his face was obvious and Ronnie had to look away as the despair settled on his face. “Veronika, please.” He whispered, watching as she moved away from him again. Every time she pulled away from him, he felt like there was no hope. That he had lost her. But he wasn't going to let her to do that. No, he'd fight until he was blue in the face and seeing black dots. “Where are you going?”

“Home, obviously. Or my mom and dad's. I don't know, I just...I just need to be away from you."

He shook his head. “Please, don't leave! I didn’t do anything, I pushed her away! I want you, Ronnie, you know that!”

She scoffed, brushing a few tears away furiously. “Just leave me alone. We can talk about this later, okay?” She said, trying her hardest to just get away because the strings of her control were quickly slipping.

"Please, don’t do this. I swear to God I’m so sorry. I know you, Ronnie. You say you'll talk to me, but if I try to call you tomorrow or the next day or the even the next week, you won't answer. You'll ignore me and pretend I don't exist because....because God forbid you have to face your problems head on. Well you can't just sweep me under the rug. Talk to me, Ronnie. Please, just don't blow me off.”

She stormed up to him immediately and looked directly into his eyes. “Did you kiss her back?” She asked, her jaw clenching as she struggled not to cry, punch Garrett or Rachel straight in the jaw, or hug him like no tomorrow. Her emotions were all over the place, partially from the alcohol impairing her judgment.

He looked pained and incredibly guilty as he stared down at her. “What? I—”

“Stop it!” She ordered. “Cut the shit and answer me. I want the truth, but if you can't give me that then consider this relationship unrepairable.” Her threat hung heavy in the air and as her salty tears filled her red eyes, he had to clench his hands into fists, and fight the urge to wrap her up in his arms and mumble reassurances into her ear.

“Yes,” he choked out, looking down at the ground remorsefully. He heard her take a deep breath followed by a small sob, that made his heart ache. “Veronika, please, just...just let me explain.” He said, his desperate voice causing her to halt her movements. As much as she hated him at this very moment, she couldn't deny that nagging feeling deep in her mind that still wanted to kiss him.

"Ronnie, I-....." He took another deep breath, his heart racing. He stared at Veronika, his Ronnie, and he wanted to punch himself in the face at the tear streaks that stained her pale cheeks at the defeated way her shoulders hunched. He hated how defeated she felt. And even more, he hated that he was the cause of it. " Ronnie, I love you."

Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes snapped over to his from where she had been watching leaves rustle just over his shoulder. That was the last thing she expected him to say at this moment. She was at a loss for words and any logical or competent response was lost as he kept his eyes trained on her.

"I, uh, what?" She cursed herself at how stumped she sounded and the moment his familiar smirk crept onto his lips, she knew he was aware of how confused she felt.

"Rachel kissed me, Veronika. And yes, for a split second, even less, I kissed her back. But I was drunk and you saw how dark it was in there and all I saw was her hair and it looked like yours. I swear, Ronnie, I swear on my life that I thought it was you before I realized it wasn't. I promise you I did not kiss her first and I don't like her, not even in the slightest. I love you. I love you so much it hurts, Ronnie. Knowing that I'm the one that put these tears in your eyes makes me so angry and I just.....I can't even explain how much I hate myself!" He reached forward, wiping away some of the fallen tears. When she didn't pull away, he took a cautious step forward, and cupped her cheek, his gaze never wavering from hers. "Veronika Christine Cross, I love you from the deepest part of my heart. I love every perfection and every flaw about you. I love how your hair sticks up all over the place when we wake up in the morning and how you don't care that I have morning breath and kiss me anyway. I love how you watch the stars at night, hoping to see a UFO and how you'd rather watch the science channel over MTV like most people our age. I love the pink flush that is always on your cheeks, even though you hate it and I love the way you'll argue with me over the tiny things because you know I'll always let you win. And I just, fuck, I....I love everything about you Veronika. And I will spend the rest of my life regretting tonight up to this point and making it up to you any way I can. Please, Ronnie, please, if you don't want to take me back right now that's fine, but believe me when I say that my heart lies with you and not Rachel and that she means absolutely nothing to me. Please."

His voice had reached a desperate edge by the time he had finished his speech, but he could care less. He wanted - no, needed - Veronika to understand how true every single word he said was. He made a mistake, albeit a big one, but it was a mistake none the less and he'll spend as many days and nights as it takes to get her to forgive him. As the seconds ticked past and she remained quiet but still staring, Garrett's confidence began to waver. What would she say? What would she do? What was she thinking? The anticipation was tearing him apart.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity she spoke up, and the words that left her mouth had a smile breaking out across his face and his hope rising.

"Did you have to use my full name?"

A squeal left her mouth as he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up off the ground, hugging her body tightly to his. When he finally let her back down, he grabbed both her cheeks in his hands, rubbing her face with his thumbs. He was smiling like he just won the lottery and that alone made Veronika sure of her decision. Yes, he kissed someone else - his ex none the less. But it was clear, if not from his speech then from the tears that began to pool in his blue eyes, how much he truly regretted it. They had never fought before, maybe a small scat here and there, but nothing that ever required a sincere apology and Veronika was a strong believer in second chances. Everyone makes mistakes - we're human, how could we not? No one is perfect and if people can realize their mistakes and acknowledge them, then they deserve a second chance to fix their ways and make up for the past.

"Garrett?"

"Yeah?" He whispered, feeling like any loud noise would ruin the moment. It just felt wrong to speak any louder than a hush.

"Kiss me."

And without hesitation, his lips molded to hers, the soft pink flesh of her mouth rubbing against his, making him smile into the kiss. He pulled back to let her take a breath and whipped away some of her tears with the sleeve of his jacket before leaning in once, twice, three times again, wanting her to understand and feel just how true his words were.

"Garrett?" She asked again, a smile playing on her flushed cheeks as her brown eyes gazed into his.

"Yeah?"

"I love you too."