Hidden Within Her

I kept looking into my rear view mirror for flashing red and blue lights. I never saw any and the thought didn't comfort me. It made me feel worse. I felt as if I had finally found that hole in an unknown desert and now I was falling into it. Falling down. . . down. . . down. . Like Alice.

I just keep falling or rather floating. The farther I go the more alone I feel. This loneliness feels as if it is taking on the shape of water. But not the chlorine filled, cool, refreshing water at a public swimming pool. It feels more like the cold, chilling, crisp and unforgiving water of the Bering Sea as it fills me up. Taking my will to breathe. To live.

I don't like it but isn't that what I've been wanting all along?



Dirt and gravel crunch underneath the weight of my truck tires as I pull into the drive way of the butterfly garden. It's a place off a dirt road. A place that is quiet and hidden away from the rest of the world. This place is my sanctuary.

It is run by an old couple by the names of Benny and Allison. They are some of the sweetest people I know.

As I parked in one of the many empty spaces I couldn't help but frown at the sight of an unknown jeep. Who did that belong to? Immediately anger coursed through me, heating my veins like lava flowing from the depths of a volcano.

I didn't have a right to feel this anger. After all the butterfly garden was for the public, if they knew where to look and most did. Well, most of the townsfolk of Sage did. Not tourists.

I got out and locked the doors. My eyes quickly studied the emerald green jeep covered with dust from several dirt roads. My eyes looked at the license plate. Texas. They're a long ways from home.

Shaking my head, I made my way up the rocked lined path into the little cabin that served as a gift shop. The bell above the door tinkled loudly as I entered and looked around at all the butterfly adorned gifts.

"Oh, Benny, she's here!" Cried the old woman from behind the register. A coffee yellowed smile graced her face as she tottered over to me quickly. As Allison enveloped me into a perfume wrapped hug, Benny entered from outside. He too hugged me and I couldn't help but return it. This was the first comfort that I have willingly accepted in the last several days.

Benny and Allison could always make me smile. They were family to me. The two wrinkle ridden people let me go. They knew not to ask how I was doing because they already knew. By me being here they knew I needed time to be alone. That I desperately needed it.

I smiled as a 'thank you' before moving across the squeaky, old wooden floor to the screen door with a large butterfly relic resting on the upper portion of the screen. I pushed the screen door open with a squeak as I stepped inside the garden.

The garden itself is covered completely by a net so the butterflies can roam freely among the flowers without a worry or care about being eaten by any birds. Throughout the garden are paths lined with pretty rocks. Each path winds in and out of different types of flowers and plants. Some small and some huge like the elephant ears.

There are also several nooks and crannies that contain benches. Each bench is always in the shade and they are the perfect place to read or just sit and watch the many different types of butterflies flutter around you.

My special nook is a bench underneath a large patch of giant elephant ears. The bench itself is stone and in the seat are engraved butterflies, flying.

As I make my way closer and closer I begin to realize that my spot is taken. My spot is never taken. Never.

Once close enough I see that someone of the male kind has taken it and he has his nose buried in a book. Not for long.