Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

'March your ass right into that venue Mr. Sound check is starting and they've been hanging around for you.' Ella told Kellin, pointing her finger in the direction of the back door and tapped her foot.

'Yes ma'am' Kellin saluted and walked off.

'So then,' Ella turned to look at me after Kellin was out of ear shot. 'You and Kellin, anything going on there?' She smiled and nudged my arm.

'No, we're just friends. We're not having a secret romance or anything.' I replied, shifting nervously.

'Just friends? Does Kellin know that?' Ella asked, looking slightly more serious.

'Of course. Well I think so. He said he doesn't mind if people assume we are together but we both know we aren't.' I stated, growing worried at what Ella was saying.

'What did you say after that?' She asked, ushering me towards the bus.

'I just told him I didn't mind either...which I probably should have objected to, but its not like I told him we're together or anything. People should learn not to assume, I cant help it if they do.' I told Ella trying to justify what I had said.

'Darcy, you need to fix this. Do you not have romantic feelings for him like he does for you?' She asked me, she was practically pushing me up the stairs of the bus.

'He told you that?' I asked, turning to face her from the top of the stairs.

'Of course he told me. He didn't have to really, everyone can see that he likes you. Is it mutual?' She asked. I knew she was digging more than likely to prevent what happened to him last time.

'I don't know and even if I did I cant do anything about it.' I was getting frustrated at the whole situation, I was trying to keep my feelings away, I didn't want to act on what feelings I may have had but I felt everyone around me was forcing me to vomit them up all over Kellin.

'Why cant you do anything about them?' Ella asked, sitting me down at the back of the bus.

'Because-' I paused for a second and inhaled. 'Because I'm already in a relationship back home. Even if I wasn't and Kellin and I had progressed to something, a long distance relationship would never work. Especially when I live in the UK and Kellin's here.' I watched Ella's facial expressions as they went from annoyed to angry then sad.

'Darcy, you need to tell him. For his sake, your sake and everyone else's. If he ends up hurt like the last time...I just don't know what I'd do.' Ella said. She stood up and ran her fingers through her hair. She turned to look at me, gave a weak smile then left.

I couldn't help but feel I was being blamed for Kellin's feelings towards me. Yes it was my fault for not addressing him about my already taken status but I didn't have anything to do with him falling for me.

The guilt and confusion and stress all built up and I burst into tears. I couldn't control them, I tried to inhale and exhale to calm myself down but I just sounded like some sort of crazy, dying animal. I ran the short stretch to our tiny bathroom and locked the door. I sat on-top of the toilet seat and continued to let the tears flow.

One might have thought I was overreacting, but with the amount of guilt I was feeling, I thought it was pretty rational.