Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

I made my way down to the living room area and took a seat, throwing my head back and taking deep breaths. I wasn't going to jump into the conversation, I was going to be tactful about it.

I started to play with the bracelet that was sat on my wrist, I turned it a few times and rolled the beads back and forth hoping Kellin would ask about it.

'Can I get you anything? Water? Food?' He asked. I shook my head and he took a seat next to me. 'You don't look too good, Darcy. I'm concerned.' The tone to his voice proved just how worried he was.

'Don't be, I'm sure it'll pass. I just need some time out.' I tried my best to sound convincing. As I inhaled some more and continued to play with my bracelet he finally reached out and took hold of the R, rubbing his thumb over it a few times. It was the first time he'd acknowledged it and I wanted to blame him for not seeing it sooner to ask about, but it wasn't his fault. Nothing was Kellin's fault.

'That's nice, was it a gift?' He asked, still looking at it.

'Yeah, I've had it for about five years now.' I told him, my stomach knotting up even more.

'Does the star and the R mean something?' He didn't sound like he was going to be in for disappointment, he just sounded curious, making general conversation to keep my mind off how ill I was feeling.

'Yeah-' I gulped after I'd said it.

'Do you want to tell me what?' He chuckled nervously, I'd already objected to talking about so much, he was probably wary I was going to object again.

'The R stands for Rob, he's my boyfriend. The star...as soppy as it sounds, is because, I'm, and I quote, 'the brightest star in his life'.' I tried to sound as relaxed as I could, but I couldn't help but feel hurt as Kellin immediately removed his hand and placed it on his lap.

'Oh...' Was all he managed to say. 'Are you gonna be OK in here by yourself? I just remembered its sound check soon and I need to go.' He stood, pointing his thumb in the direction of the door.

'I'll be fine, you go.' I told him and he left without another word. I felt terrible, a tiny, little part of me still wanted to believe I hadn't made Kellin fall for me in the space of two months, but it was quite clear that I had, and I'd hurt him.

I pulled out my laptop and loaded up, I just wanted to talk to Lola, she was the only person on the planet that was going to make me feel OK. Thankfully she was already online so I wasn't risking disturbing her at home.

'Darcy! Hi!' She beamed as it started up. Just hearing someone with my accent was comforting enough but I couldn't hide how upset I was with myself and Lola picked up on this straight away.

'I've messed things up.' I sobbed to her, covering my mouth with my hand as to muffle the sound of my crying.

'Oh, Darcy, what's happened?' She asked, her voice soft and she touched the side of her screen.

'This wasn't meant to happen. I wasn't meant to make anyone fall for me. I was supposed to come out, do my job and go home. Now we cant even be friends.' I knew I wasn't making much sense.

'Darcy, can you start from the beginning, explain what's happened?' Lola asked, sitting comfortably in her chair.

I nodded and composed myself, stopping my tears and sobs.

'Ella told me Kellin likes me, I ignored her and went on as if I didn't know. I just wanted to stay friends with him, but then Gabe told me too and said I had to talk to him. I had to tell him I had a boyfriend, Kellin then made the excuse to leave the room we were in and now everything's just all weird. I don't even know how this started. It wasn't meant to happen.' My tears started again. I wanted to enjoy my time in America with everyone, knowing I'd hurt Kellin and having everything out in the open was going to make things very difficult.

'Shh, Darcy, don't cry. Everything happens for a reason, you had to set him straight before things went too far. At least he knows now without revealing his feelings to you, then having him do it and you shooting him down and making him feel like a fool.' I knew Lola was right, I just needed to hear her explain it.

'I should have stopped it when I first saw it happening. I've led him on. I shouldn't have spent so much time alone with him and he would never have liked me.' I was beating myself up about this because I knew its what I deserved.

'No, don't even blame yourself for this. You needed to spend time with them for your journalism. It isn't your fault he developed feelings for you. Even if he knew you had a boyfriend from the start his feelings still would have developed. Its human nature, Darcy, things work out the way they do for reasons good or bad. This isn't your fault.' Lola reassured me.

'Do you think I should go talk to him? Or leave it a little while?' I asked her, knowing she'd know what to do.

'Leave it until after his show or maybe tomorrow morning. If you pressure him into talking about it now it could turn sour for no reason other than he's disappointed.' I nodded and took her advice.

'Well I'll let you go now. I'm gonna work a little more on my articles, take my mind off it all.' I told her.

'Let me know how it goes.' Lola said, holding her thumbs up and smiling.

'Will do.' I wasn't as enthusiastic as she was being, but I tried. I closed down Skype and typed up more notes I had made in the file Ella had made for me, deciding to write more of it when I had the motivation.