Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

The rest of the night went by slowly, for me anyway. I was hating every minute of it because of how much I felt everyone was wanting to ask questions but not daring to, so let me be.

I was sat in silence around everyone. Not wanting to join in their conversations in case Kellin heard me speak and end up more hurt than he already was. By three o'clock I was ready to head back to the bus. Jimmy and Gus wanted to get an early start so rounded everyone up.

I'd like to say it was unfortunate that I was left alone on my bus with only Jimmy for company, but I was glad of it. Out of the way of questions and awful conversations I didn't want to have.

Annabell and Ella were still enjoying there conversations with everyone so bunked in with the guys. I was happy they weren't forcing themselves to sit with me when they didn't want to. I didn't feel as bad that way.

When I got to the bus I threw on my pj's, grabbed my covers and joined Jimmy up front, getting myself comfortable for the ride to California.

'Did you sleep OK?' I asked Jimmy, starting up conversation.

'Yeah, it was alright. I sat up a little while in the back when Gabe left, just in case you needed someone. But when I realised you were flat out I dozed off too.' He paused a second and pursed his lips, 'I heard what happened. I'm sorry, Darcy.' He started, I didn't want to get into it so I tried to cut him off, but he got there before me. 'My parents were the same.' I quickly turned my head to look at him, his eyes were fixed to the road.

'They were?' I choked out.

'Yup. My mom used to take all sorts of drugs when she was pregnant with me. It's a miracle I'm here today. I was an addict when I was born, had to stay in hospital until I was well enough to leave. Social services got involved too.' He explained.

'Wow...and I thought I had it bad.' I slouched in my chair, feeling like an idiot compared to Jimmy's situation.

'Don't for a second think what ever happened with you was any less than me. Your parents were still addicts. They probably loved drugs more than you, they probably valued them more than you and that, Darcy, is just as bad.' I could feel myself getting emotional thinking about how much my parents didn't care about me and happily let me walk out of our home when I was sixteen.

'I think I feel so upset about falling out with Kellin because I know how much it hurts to lose someone and it feels like I'm losing a family all over again.' This time I'd brought Kellin up on my own accord. I wanted to talk about him and I knew Jimmy would sit and listen.

'Darcy you aren't losing anyone. We're all still here as your family. You've had a fallout with Kellin, no one else. We don't pick sides and make one person feel more secluded from the group than the other. I think that's what you're afraid is happening.' Jimmy explained. And he was right. Because I thought it was happening I was making it happen. I wouldn't talk to anyone, join in their games, I didn't go sit with everyone on the other bus, I was pulling myself away from everyone that cared.

'I am...I didn't even realise I was doing it until now.' I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my covers tighter around me. 'I must look like a right attention seeker now.' I muttered, getting all paranoid that they were all sat on the other bus talking about me and how much drama I'd caused.

'You don't, don't worry about it. They know an attention seeker when they see one, and they know a girl in need of happiness when they see one. Two totally different things and you need to understand which category you fall into.' I smiled at Jimmy's words, he was so wise and full of helpful advice. Maybe because he'd been through so much, he could see things in their correct light and had more knowledge on his side than most.

'Thank you, Jimmy.' I told him.

'For what?' He asked, only for a split second taking his eyes off the road to look at me.

'For listening and talking with me. I genuinely feel a lot better now.' I smiled again and Jimmy shook his head.

'I should be thanking you, Darcy.' He then replied. I turned in my seat to face him.

'For what?' I mimicked his question.

'For giving me the strength to talk about my parents for the very first time.' Jimmy didn't look at me as he spoke and I could have sworn his eyes had welled up but he quickly blinked any evidence of that away.