Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

Our meal that night was nice. Everyone was comfortable, happy and speaking. It was the first night since I'd yelled at Kellin and let out about my life that I didn't feel everyone wanted to ask me about it but fear what I'd say. It was as if they'd all pushed it aside for us to have a nice night with each other.

After we'd had our food and a few drinks I was ready for bed. I was looking forward to an actual bed in my own room all to myself.

'I'm going to head up now. I hope you don't mind.' I informed a rather drunk Ella. It was nice to see her let her hair down and not constantly worry about where everyone was and making sure we were all happy.

'Oh are you sure? You don't want to stay a little while longer?' Ella asked, pulling me down to her level a little.

'Nah, I'm tired and that bed is calling my name. I'll see you in the morning though.' I replied, hugging her.

I went to see Annabell who was currently having some sort of debate with Jesse and told her goodnight. I then made my way around each person giving them all a hug, not wanting to just disappear away without telling anyone where I was going.

'Kellin.' I started, pulling him out of his conversation he was having with Jimmy. 'Can I have a goodnight hug?' I questioned, not wanting to just throw myself at him. We hadn't really had a proper conversation yet, I didn't know if we were on good speaking terms.

'You're going up already?' He asked, taking a quick glance at his watch.

'Yeah, I'm tired. I think sleeping in a bed is going to do me a world of good.' I replied.

'I'll walk you up. I'll catch you tomorrow Jimmy.' He gave him a nod and stood from his seat and we made our way to the exit, ignoring everyone whistling and cheering. I pushed open the restaurant door and made my way towards the stairs, Kellin heading for the elevator.

'I cant use that, I'm sorry.' I told him as I stood on the bottom step.

'I thought something was up earlier. What's so bad about them?' He asked, walking towards me. As we continued to walk the steps to our floor, he reached out for my hand, entwining our fingers like he always used to. I was beyond happy with feeling his hand in mine but we still needed to talk, nothing would be sorted between us until then.

I inhaled a little not wanting to get into why I hated using elevators, but not speaking about my life had caused the mess between us so I proceeded to tell him.

'When I was thirteen I used to live in a block of flats with my parents. They'd get together with their friends and sit and take drugs, I'd get kicked out all day until they decided they were done.' I hated bringing my parents up. I never had to talk about them to anyone, but I wanted to move forward with Kellin so I had to.

'It was about half past eleven at night and it was snowing. I was cold and had no where to go so I walked back home, hoping everyone had left. I was too cold to walk the eleven floors so I decided to take the elevator. It wasn't reliable but I had no other option. I was at floor eight when it jammed and stopped moving. The light went off and I panicked. I pressed the emergency button, called for help but nothing. I was stuck all night until the repair man came to fix it. I told my mum but she just laughed.' I quickly blinked away tears that had built up, not wanting Kellin to see them.

He squeezed my hand in his and turned to look at me. He stopped walking on floor three and stood at the top of the stairs and turned and stood face on with me.

'You know, looking at you, you'd never have thought anything like that has happened to you. I'm sorry for what I said and for how I acted, I was hurt and upset but hearing you tell me everything you're ashamed of just put everything in perspective for me. I was being a child and you had real problems. I'm sorry.' Kellin's eyes darted all over my face.

'It's fine, really. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me, I wanted more than I could have. Because of my past I keep myself locked in a relationship that makes me miserable, being out here with you lot takes me away from my home reality. No one knew anything and I was happy like that. I just wanted to do my job, have fun and deal with my shyness. I just made things worse by refusing to talk.' I explained to Kellin. He shook his head and cupped my face with his hands.

'There's no one here to say you cant have more-' His face inched closer to mine, I could feel his warm breath on my face, his eyes bore into my own and I could feel my heart racing. For a very brief moment his lips touched mine but he pulled away, 'But I cant be the person to split a couple up, no matter how much I want to.' He sighed and touched his forehead to mine. He kissed the top of my head and we continued to walk up the steps to our rooms.

I stood outside of my room and leant against the door, staring up at Kellin. He stood facing me, holding onto my hands, not saying a word.

'I just want you to believe one thing I say.' I started and he looked intrigued as to what I was going to say. 'I do like you and I'm not sorry or ashamed of that.' I then pushed myself away from my door, tiptoed to kiss him on the cheek and entered my room. I made sure it clicked shut and I inhaled, beaming with pride at how brave and forward I had been. It was certainly something to tell Lola about.

I made my way to my room and stripped off my clothes. I threw on a pair of shorts and a vest and dived onto the bed, wrapping myself in the extra thick quilt that was on the bed. I relaxed into it, getting myself comfortable and closed my eyes.

Sleep was going to come early.