Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

I woke up to the sound of my phone buzzing and ringing, informing me I had a message. I rolled onto my side and grabbed my phone from the dresser, I slid my thumb across the screen and adjusted my eyes to the light. Lola's name flashed on the screen, 1 message below it.

'I need to speak to you, Skype me xx' it read. It was only half past seven but time difference was difficult to try and speak with her so I wasn't at all fussed it was early. I put my phone back down and pulled myself out of the bed, as comfy as it was I was going to have to leave it at some point.

I gabbed some shorts a t-shirt and some underwear along with my shower gels and made my way to the bathroom. Being the first up was a bonus, knowing I didn't have to rush.
I took my time in the shower letting the warm water relax me. I was feeling so much better since Kellin and I had spoken. I still felt we hadn't properly aired things out, but it was a start.

I got myself dressed and plaited my still wet hair, not bothering to dry or straighten it. I gathered up my belongings from the floor and dropped them into my case, telling myself I'd sort it later. It was still early and Annabell and Ella were out cold so I decided to leave the room and find myself some breakfast.
Just as I was pulling the door to, Kellin rounded the corner, just as much surprise etched into his features as I had.

'This is early.' He commented, walking in my direction.

'Yeah, Lola woke me up with a text. Plus I like being up early, gets the day started.' I replied. I shoved the key card into my pocket and continued to walk with Kellin.

'You headed anywhere in particular?' He asked as we rounded the corridors and made our way to the stairs.

'Just to find breakfast, nothing exciting. How about you?' I asked him.

'I'm on that same mission, can I join you?' He asked then flashed me a smile.

'Of course. I need someone happy to ask for help with me, else I'd only starve.' I replied, still not being able to battle my shyness around strangers.

'Then lets go.' He grinned and held onto my hand, picking up a light run.

We'd found that the restaurant we were in the night before changed its fancy décor by morning and was just your average hotel dining room. We sat down ordered our food and stared at each other awkwardly.

'So, you want to have that talk now?' Kellin asked and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

'Yeah, seems like no better time.' I tried to sound positive about it but couldn't help but feel we'd leave on a sour note.

'Well first off I want to apologise for saying what I said, I was out of order and you didn't deserve it and I also want to ask why you never said anything, this time I'll let you explain without yelling.' He placed his hands down on the table and clasped them together, his eyes again darting all over my face then settling on my eyes.

'Apology accepted.' I started and tried to think up a way in starting my conversation. I didn't want to sound like I was making poor excuses so I could only hope he would believe me.

'At first I didn't expect anything to happen, I didn't expect anyone to like me like you do and I thought I would just make some friends and get by until I had to leave. When Ella and Gabe told me you had feelings for me I tried to brush them aside. I didn't want to hurt you by keeping you in the dark so I told myself it was all just lust and it would all be OK.' I laughed at how stupid it sounded.
'You give me everything Rob doesn't. He doesn't care about me any more, I think we're both so used to being in long term relationship its become the norm. I wanted the attention from you but I want something to go home to when I leave and that's why I chose not to say anything until I felt I was in too far and Gabe persuaded me.' I knew how selfish I was being and how it sounded.

'Why cant you leave him?' Kellin asked, still only focusing on me.

'Because I'm scared I wont make it on my own. I'm scared of change and I'd feel too guilty leaving him after everything he put up with.' That was the most honest answer I could give him. I was scared and that's what stopped me.

'You don't have to do it on your own. You have Lola at home and everyone here. We'd help you.' He stressed. 'Change is also inevitable you have to face it and as for feeling guilty, that should blow out of the window. Yes he may have put up with you but you're doing the same now. You're both just putting up with each other for the sake of it. Now I'm here as your friend and pushing my feelings aside to tell you I want you to be brave and strong and leave him if he causes so much misery. I'm not saying this so I have more of a chance, I'm saying it because I want to see a real smile on your face.' He told me.

I already knew everything Kellin said was right, I'd had enough time to sit and think about it, but I couldn't risk it. Instead I just nodded and pretended I'd do something about it.