Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

I had been sat staring at the screen for about ten minutes. Lola didn't speak, she just waited for me to say something. It was Rob on the picture, that was clear enough, I just didn't know how to respond. I didn't know what to do or say or how I was going to cope.

'Why would he do this?' I finally sobbed, not being able to hold in how hurt I was any longer. Yes I knew it had been a long six years and I had told myself and pretty much everyone else that I was miserable...but I didn't want him to do this, I never expected him to do it. If he was that deeply unhappy with me also, he'd have told me to leave, I'd have preferred it that way. Now, I just felt like a mug.

'He's a dick, that's why. He's not enough of a man to tell you himself that he wants things to be over, instead he thinks starting a new relationship with someone else is the right way of going about things. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, but no one can get away with that.' Lola replied. She was still furious with Rob, she was trying her best to comfort me, but her anger was getting in the way.

'Do you know how hard I have tried to keep my feelings from Kellin? How hard I have tried to tell myself I need Rob and need our routine when I get back home? Everything was just a total waste of time. I fell out with Kellin for no reason. I wasted six fucking years on that boy and he does this?!' I was yelling at my computer screen at Lola. I didn't mean to shout at her like I did and it wasn't aimed at her, but now I was just beyond angry. I was enraged at the whole situation.

'Darcy, please don't do anything rash. I wanted to tell you this because I wasn't going to let something slip away from you while you're out there. I couldn't have forgave myself if I let you come home to find out what he'd done.' Lola was being more apologetic than she should have been.

'You don't need to explain yourself to me, Lola. I appreciate you telling me, I really do. I just don't know what I'm going to do from here.' I was sick and tried of being upset and crying over everything, but this was the last straw, I was far past upset to be calmed down.

'Darcy please go find someone to sit with. I feel so useless being on the other side of a computer screen. I want to hug you, I want to make you feel better but I cant do that right now. Please go find Gabe or Jack...anyone.' Lola was also on the verge of tears too, no matter how much I reassured her that telling me was the right thing, she was still going to be upset about it.

'I will, I'll go now.' I lied, I didn't want to be around anyone just now, I needed time to be on my own.

'Talk to me later. Chin up, Darcy. I love you.' Lola said, making a love heart with her hands. She always did it when she felt down or if we'd had a petty argument.

'I love you too.' I replied and closed down Skype. I took another glance at the picture, torturing myself even more. Mt heart had well and truly been ripped out and as much as I sounded like I was contradicting myself, I still loved Rob and still felt totally betrayed by him.

Yes we were miserable and were stuck in something we weren't happy with, but six years, you'd have thought I at least deserved some truth and honesty.