Could You Love Me Just A Little Bit More

'Where do we stand? Like, what do we do from here?' Kellin asked as we walked along beach, hand in hand like we always did. Though this time it felt different. I felt more attached to Kellin than I had before, I didn't want him to let me go, not even for a second.

'I don't know. What do you want?' I asked him, dropping down onto the sand, pulling him with me.

'I want you. I want us to be together and I want to make it work. But I don't want to be a rebound for you. I want you to be with me because you genuinely want to be, not because you feel bad for me or need to move on from Rob.' Kellin explained, shifting himself so he was sat behind me, legs either side of me. He leant forward a little so his chest was touching my back and held his hands in mine. He rested his chin on my shoulder and sighed a little.

'I don't want to look like a terrible person. Six years is a long time in one relationship. To break up with someone and start something new with a different person in the same day just seems wrong.' As much as I did want to be with Kellin, I didn't know if it was right.

'Darcy, he has been with another girl for six months, that's worse than what you think is wrong.' Kellin stressed with me. 'How long has it been since you felt close to him? Like you were together because you wanted to be not just because it was something you were used to?' He had a valid argument. I hadn't felt like I'd been in a proper relationship for about two years. No wonder he started a new one himself.

'I want to make this work too, but I don't know how easy its going to be so you'll have to be patient with me.' I told him, knowing trust was going to be a huge issue. How well did I really know Kellin after all? 'Do you think you can give me a little time? To sort my head out? Then we can start working on us.' I asked, hoping he wasn't going to be too disappointed in what I was saying.

'I would wait for a lifetime.' He whispered into my ear. I turned my head so I could see him and he leant in to kiss me again. I was going to make something work with Kellin, but for the moment, I needed time for me. I didn't need to jump from one relationship to another within minutes.

***

We were all backstage at the venue they were playing that night. I'd had a private talk with Ella and Annabell just to let them know what was happening, and the guys had badgered Kellin so he happily explained everything to them. We weren't official and nothing was set in stone, but we both knew in time we were going to develop into something, he was just waiting on me.

'Can we stand in the crowd tonight?' I asked Ella as she tried to sort the last bits and pieces before they went on stage. I'd never stood with the rest of their fans and watched a gig from their view. I was always stood too far back with Annabell at the merch or to the side of the stage with Ella or I'd just skipped going altogether. I wanted to be an excited fan, looking up at them from the floor, proud at all they'd achieved.

'Who will you stand with?' She asked, suddenly turning on protective mother mode. 'Annabell will be at the merch stand and I need to hang back here. I don't want you getting lost.' She ranted, worrying.

'Ella, calm down. I don't mind if I have to stand alone. There's tons of people out there, I wont run away and I'll come straight back here after they're finished. I promise. Now can I please stand in the crowd?' I pleaded, jutting out my bottom lip and fluttered my eyelashes.

She rolled her eyes and threw her head back. 'Fine, but straight back here when it's over. Make sure you stand in the middle, I'll keep an eye on you.' She told me, still a little panic to her tone.

'I promise mum.' I replied, grinning at her before skipping off to the exit door of the back room to make my way towards the main room.