Melodies

I took the stairs two at a time, even though I'm really not tall enough to do that. I wasn't going to waste time, though, not after Jamie called.

I went around the corner at the doorway to the third floor, almost running straight into a pair of freshmen talking excitedly about the drama production going on this weekend. I picked up a little about it, but I wasn't trying to listen. I just had to get to Jamie.

Like he said, he was in the boys' room close to Mr. Fitch's room and the science lab. He was the only one in there, leaning against the wall with his hand pressed to his face.

He looked up at me when I started fussing over him, trying to feel his forehead and push his hair from his face and everything. He let me continue what I was doing, but he quickly reassured me that he wasn't sick.

I looked at him in worry and confusion. "You said you threw up?"

"I did. But it was on purpose."

I felt my face pale and I dropped my arms from his face. "I thought you were finally happy."

"I am happy, just not with my weight. I just need to keep it down a little lower."

"You're already skinny. You don't need to lose more weight. And anyway, you go to the doctor soon. He'll notice if your weight drops. And he'll see the marks on your knuckles and your throat and he'll just know. Please don't do this."

I was happy that he called me after he did it, like he promised he would if he ever purged again. However, I was incredibly upset that he was restarting the cycle. I didn't know what I would do if he had to stay at the clinic again. I wanted him to be better. I wanted him to be happy.

"It's just a few pounds. Say, ten."

"Ten is NOT a few pounds."

"Fine. Maybe five."

"You don't need to lose weight. You'll look scary."

"What if I promise to do it the right way? No fasting or puking."

"Talk to the doctor about it. Call him when we get home, okay? Tell him about today."

Jamie looked at me like I was stupid. "I'm not telling him about this, are you crazy? He'll send me back to the clinic for another three months. It's shit there, Kell, I don't want to go back."

"I understand that, but I still want you to recover fully."

"I am recovered! That's why they sent me home. I'm okay now."

"Then why did you stick your fucking hand down your throat and make yourself vomit?"

His eyes bored into my own. They were turning glassy as he fought to come up with a response. I looked down. I can't stand to see him unable to speak. It's okay if he cries, if he screams, if he whispers, as long as he's communicating. I hate being cut off.

I leaned forward, on my tiptoes, and wrapped my arms behind his neck. I felt his arms slide around me, holding onto me like I was his shield.

When I finally pulled back, I looked up at him. "I won't make you call him today, and I won't make you go to the nurse. I just want you to get help. You don't even have to tell them about what just happened, just talk to them about wanting to lose weight or whatever."

"Okay." Despite his agreement, I didn't believe he was sincere about talking to someone. But I'd done what I could at the moment.

"Are you going to check out or are you going to stay?"

He ran his fingertips directly under his eyes. "I don't know, I might go to the nurse and fake a headache. I'll see you in Geography if I don't."

"Okay. Text me if you need anything."