Melodies

"I had the absolute best time. We saw Wreck it Ralph, which, you know, was okay, but I just loved being there with him. And then we talked like, a ton at dinner. He's so funny. He just kept making these horrible, crude jokes. It was ridiculous. I couldn't stop laughing."

Jamie listened as I gushed. I finally shut up and let him speak. "But anyway, how was Emery?"

He shrugged. "He knows stuff about politics, but I think his sense of humor made up for it. He seemed really nice, kind of quiet at first."

"Are you gonna go out again?"

"Maybe. Probably, just because he's tall enough for me." Jamie laughed. I was glad to see him laughing after the morning he'd had, and the night he was probably about to endure. He gets worse at night, when it's dark and quiet and he's alone. We've had many sleepovers, just to prevent anything from happening.

"Well, I guess that's a reason. As long as he treats you right."

Jamie flicked his wrist, brushing my comment away. "I'm going to bed. Don't be too loud if you're staying up."

I flopped out on the couch for awhile, texting Courtney and Kim excitedly. Kim told me her date with Elizabeth had been amazing, that she'd really gotten her to open up once they were alone. She said Elizabeth's actually really funny, in a sarcastic way, an incredibly eloquent. That didn't surprise me. She seemed really smart, like someone who reads and actually studies vocabulary.

Courtney insisted on getting all the details. I texted her as quickly as I could manage, fumbling over letters and creating nonsense messages. At some point, I grew uncomfortable in my clothes, and switched to a pair of sleep pants and an old t-shirt. I went back to the couch, determined to not go upstairs and go to sleep. I had to make the excitement last as long as I could.

I was extremely happy to hear from Courtney that Sydney had also texted her, and that he had as much fun as I did. She told me she was going to sleep, and that I should bother Kim some more. Unfortunately, Kim wasn't responding any more. I figured she'd fallen asleep or her phone had died.

I flipped through random shit on my phone for a little while, before I heard a voice drift in from the bottom of the stair case. "Kell?"

I sat up, looking to Jamie to see what he needed.

"I can't sleep."

"Why not? Is it good can't-sleep or bad can't-sleep?"

"I don't know. It's weird."

"Here, let's just go upstairs. I'm sure it's just the excitement from today."

I made him come upstairs with me, bringing my 'witch supplies', as Jamie calls it, into his room. It was really only incense and relaxation candles. I had a phase where I used them for stress relief, and I kept them just for difficult nights.

I set up candles on the bookshelf, and lit incense on a holder on his desk. I laid down with him in bed, grabbing a pillow that had fallen on the floor. I rolled over to face him. "Did something happen?"

"I don't know. I can't stop thinking about all the fat I carry around. I can feel it. It's like an outfit. I should just be able to take it off, but I can't."

"You're skinny, Jamie. I promise. But you're healthy, too. That's what's really important. Before you got better, you looked like a zombie. Your skin looked like paper, your hair was so thin, and you had all those bruises and discoloration. You look great now. I promise. I know people who would die to look like you."

"You only say that because they told you to."

"No. I say it because it's true. You're beautiful. I wish you could feel beautiful, but I know it's hard for you."

He didn't respond. I didn't expect him to.

I stayed up for about another hour, making sure he fell asleep before I did. I didn't want him to be awake all night on his own.

As soon as I was positive he was asleep and not just faking it, I rolled over and basically passed out, my head filled with happiness over my romantic situation, and frustration and disappointment from Jamie's relapse.

I dreamt of throwing up everything bad in me so that I could truly be perfect for someone like Sydney.