Melodies

I'm not sure how everything fell apart so quickly.

One minute, we're both happy because the stupid showcase is over with.

Then Kell starts getting pissy and tired and he can't sleep. And I couldn't help him even though I wanted to.

And then he just stopped everything. He stopped responding, caring, trying. And it wasn't something I was okay with.

There we were, at my house, at the kitchen table, doing our Trig together. And I just looked up at him and said it.

"Do you want to break up?"

He looked up from his textbook after a few seconds. I saw emotion scribbled across his face that I hadn't seen in a while. He looked confused, hurt, upset, worried. Not exactly how I liked to make him feel, but it was nice just to see him break the apathy.

He wiped at his quickly reddening eyes, covering most of his face. "No, I don't want to break up! Are you crazy?! Do you want to break up?!"

I should have reached out to him immediately, but I didn't. I should have been more considerate, more reassuring and comforting. But I kept my distance.

"No, not really."

I watched him as he wiped the tears falling down his face. I guess there had been a lot of feelings built up behind the wall he'd been hiding behind. I guess when the wall broke, everything flooded out and hit him at once.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to. You've been acting weird lately. I thought it might explain why."

He pressed a hand to his face again, closing his eyes like he was trying to calm down. It didn't seem to be working.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to break up. I love you. I don't mean to act weird. It's just-I mean-"

He struggled for words, standing and starting to get his papers and things together, like he was going to leave. It hit me at that point how stupid I was acting.

I stood and held him, letting him press his face against my chest. He shook in my arms, and I held him closer.

"I'm sorry, I'm being an ass. I know it isn't your fault you can't sleep and you're stressed. I love you too, I'm sorry."

He inhaled, a shaky breath, speaking into my shirt with a rough, breaking voice.

"I haven't slept for three days. I feel like a truck ran over me, but I've been so stupid to you and I don't know why and-"

I shushed him, trying to make him calm down a little.

"It's not your fault, it's okay."

It took a few minutes, but he stopped crying and trying to explain himself.

I led him to the front room, sitting the both of us down on the couch.

"I think we need to talk."

He sighed, looking down. "I guess we do."

I held onto his hand still as I spoke. "I miss you. I haven't been able to get through to you at all these past two weeks. You've been really spacey and distant, and I can't kiss you or even talk to you, and I never know what you want me to do. It's been really frustrating, but I still shouldn't have said what I did." I paused, smiling just the tiniest bit. "And I really shouldn't have interrupted your homework."

He let out an airy, sort of relieved laugh. "It's okay, I'm like, 3 chapters ahead in Trig right now." He took in a small breath, getting a little bit more serious, squeezing my hand.

"I can't sleep. You already know that. I haven't been sleeping, I haven't been eating, I've been spacing out all the time. I would just quit it if I could, but I can't. I can't just make it all stop. But I shouldn't be so weird with you. I mean, the other day when you kissed me, I just completely did not register what was happening. I wasn't paying any attention. And you don't deserve that."

I pulled him in by his hand, already in mine. He rested his other hand on my leg to steady himself as we kissed, with Kell actually being mentally aware of it.

I broke away, pressing our foreheads together. "Stay with me tonight. I want to spend time with you. I haven't gotten to, recently. We could even skip school tomorrow."

He made a small, affirmative noise.

"I'll text Jamie in a few minutes."

He connected our lips again, and I couldn't help but smile. Even though he'd probably go right back to being pissy with his lack of sleep, I'd finally gotten through to him.