Married or Not, I Hate You

I woke up,hearing some voices in my room. I was sweating,and my chest rose for each breath I took. It was mum and dad talking,so I decided to listen. «Do you think he’s starting to remember it? The thing that happened when he was 7?» Mum sounded concerned. Remember what..? «I don’t know,but we need to know what his nightmares are about. We might have to take him to therapy,or else he could start self-harming again. We can’t push everything on Jamia this time.»

Self-harm.. I hadn’t cut myself in three years,and I wasn’t planning on doing it again. Why did I even start with it in the first place? Because I was depressed and afraid.. Why was I afraid?

«Anyways,we must keep him from remembering what happened. We can’t let him through the pain of that memor--» «Remember what?» I asked,leaning up on my elbows. Both mum and dad looked shocked as they turned around. «Frankie..You have to tell us about the nightmares you’re having..» Mum pleaded as they sat down on the bed with me. I swallowed and held in the tears that was pressing on. Then,I began telling.

When I was done,they both looked at each other. Mum looked like she was about to burst out crying and dad looked scared out of his wits. «I was afraid so..» Dad muttered out. «What? What is it that I’m remembering? Mum,dad..Please tell me» Mum shook her head and dad rose up,then walked out. I sat in the bed,looking sadly at mum as she also wandered out of the room.

The rest of the day I layed in my bed,glaring into the celing. Faint memories wandered through my mind of when I was little. I tried remembering from when I was seven years old. I don’t remember what happened that year,but I have a slight memory of my 8th birthday. I remember that Jamia never let me out of sight,I wasn’t allowed to do anything and I didn’t dare doing anything. For some reason all I did was sitting inside my room,hiding with my dogs. I tried remembering what happened that year,but whenever I got close to a memory I got a major headache so I gave up.

I didn’t go to school the past days,because of nightmares and anxiety. And after all,I ended up going to a therapist to talk about my nightmares. Everything basically sucked.

--

«Frank?» I jumped and looked around. Gerards garden. I had completly forgotten where I was. It’d been a week since the incident,and I decided to quit school because of all the pressure. I was thinking it about for a long time actually,but it was for the best. Plus,Ryan,Bob,Matt and all of those are allowed to visit me anytime they want.

The scent of Gerard drew me back to reality and I looked at him. A smirk formed on his lips and he kissed my nose. «You’re cute when you’re lost..» I frowned and pushed him away. «Go away you mofo..» I muttered and looked down in the book again. «Aw,don’t be so grumpyyyyy» Gerard whined and threw the book away. «What the he--» I looked down in my lap,where Gerard was lying with his head. Those big hazel eyes of his looked at me with such innocence..

Ugh,how can such a cute face disguise such a horny beast..?

Several sighs let out my lips that hour I had to sit with Gerard on my lap as he was sleeping. I’d learnt that Gerard was really grumpy after waking up,and wouldn’t hesitate on giving me a blowjob in the living room if I woke him up on the couch.

Everything was starting to go back to normal I guess..