Status: <3
I'll Play the Romeo, You Play the Juliet
Repeating Apologies
.3 Months Later.
I felt trapped. I've been talking to doctors for 3 months, it seemed to be working though. They changed my medication. I didn't get to talk to Austin often though it was very rare. The doctors thought it'd be best if I got better standing on my own to feet and not become codependent on someone else. I suppose that made sense.
I know what your thinking what the fuck happened too you? everything seemed fine and beyond perfect. There should be no reason for you to attempt suicide, especially when you found your prince charming. See? that's the thing it was perfect but tell that to my mind. I was in a state of the undead.
.Therapy.
"You see, the disordered side of me needed to prove his loyalty. What a fucked up way to do it right? I was so afraid he'd leave me. The thoughts were in and out and suicide seemed appealing. A way to end all the pain, suffering and to prove to myself Austin really didn't exist." The doctor looked at me
"What do you mean exist? of course he exists."
"No, the way he is just didn't seem real too me. It didn't make sense.'' He began to speak. "When did you start questioning it? and your sanity?" I did not want to explain this. "Well, I met him, fell in love with him, moved in with him and had sex with him for the first time. He was romantic, patient, caring, courteous, kind and gentle. It scared me that someone really fell for me too and accepted all my flaws. I suppose the breakdown came the day after Austin and I had slept together for the first time."
"I see, continue."
"First of all I think I was manic and just was ready. Like i said i'll never know the difference. It was beyond romantic candles and everything. You know, it was perfect. Everything about that night was perfect and the exact way it was meant to be. Then the following morning I got severely depressed, Austin told me he had to go into the studio and I was left home alone all day. Through out the whole day I thought of death and if Austin were to die on me. I couldn't handle all the thoughts of that so I decided to end it all before it got worse. "
"Gia, It sounds like your Borderline has kicked in since this relationship. The next thing we have to focus on is working on having good relationships without the worry of loss and abandonment. Gia, loss is natural and it happens weather we want them to or not. It's about Control and right now you feel like you have none. But, in this situation judging from what you've been telling me about Austin he seems great and I met him that day in the hospital, he seems like a genuine person and will not leave you. " I started crying.
"What do we do now?" I asked him sobbing.
"I think we should invite Austin in and we work through it all together and once he better understands and once you better understand that it will be alright and safe you'll be released. Now, this part of the program is 2 weeks."
"So, I'll be released soon then?" "Yes. Now, go call Austin and let him know the plan. I'll see you in two days. Keep up the great work. you're doing good.''
I couldn't wait to call Austin and tell him the good news. I ran to the phone booths.
*Ring* *Ring* "Hello" "Austin!" I gasped out, I was so teary "Gia? Gia is that you?"
"Yeah, Hi hah." "Oh my gosh! hi, how are you my love are you okay? I miss you terrible" Now he sounded teary Austin and I were just waterworks over the phone. "So, I have good news do you wanna hear it?" "Of course I do."
"Okay, I can get released in two weeks if you can become apart of this program where we talk about what happened and how we learn to control it from happening again. What do you say I mean if you're not busy?"
"Gia, when I told you I loved you I meant it with every breath in body, you course through my veins. I will be here with you til the end. Now when do you need me there? tour, which you're coming with me on miss! starts in 1 month. You'll be home." I giggled and let out a sigh of relief
''Um, in two days around 10:00 am?" "I'll be there."
"Okay, i have to go now but i'll see you soon'' "Gia?"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Austin, so much.''
I felt trapped. I've been talking to doctors for 3 months, it seemed to be working though. They changed my medication. I didn't get to talk to Austin often though it was very rare. The doctors thought it'd be best if I got better standing on my own to feet and not become codependent on someone else. I suppose that made sense.
I know what your thinking what the fuck happened too you? everything seemed fine and beyond perfect. There should be no reason for you to attempt suicide, especially when you found your prince charming. See? that's the thing it was perfect but tell that to my mind. I was in a state of the undead.
.Therapy.
"You see, the disordered side of me needed to prove his loyalty. What a fucked up way to do it right? I was so afraid he'd leave me. The thoughts were in and out and suicide seemed appealing. A way to end all the pain, suffering and to prove to myself Austin really didn't exist." The doctor looked at me
"What do you mean exist? of course he exists."
"No, the way he is just didn't seem real too me. It didn't make sense.'' He began to speak. "When did you start questioning it? and your sanity?" I did not want to explain this. "Well, I met him, fell in love with him, moved in with him and had sex with him for the first time. He was romantic, patient, caring, courteous, kind and gentle. It scared me that someone really fell for me too and accepted all my flaws. I suppose the breakdown came the day after Austin and I had slept together for the first time."
"I see, continue."
"First of all I think I was manic and just was ready. Like i said i'll never know the difference. It was beyond romantic candles and everything. You know, it was perfect. Everything about that night was perfect and the exact way it was meant to be. Then the following morning I got severely depressed, Austin told me he had to go into the studio and I was left home alone all day. Through out the whole day I thought of death and if Austin were to die on me. I couldn't handle all the thoughts of that so I decided to end it all before it got worse. "
"Gia, It sounds like your Borderline has kicked in since this relationship. The next thing we have to focus on is working on having good relationships without the worry of loss and abandonment. Gia, loss is natural and it happens weather we want them to or not. It's about Control and right now you feel like you have none. But, in this situation judging from what you've been telling me about Austin he seems great and I met him that day in the hospital, he seems like a genuine person and will not leave you. " I started crying.
"What do we do now?" I asked him sobbing.
"I think we should invite Austin in and we work through it all together and once he better understands and once you better understand that it will be alright and safe you'll be released. Now, this part of the program is 2 weeks."
"So, I'll be released soon then?" "Yes. Now, go call Austin and let him know the plan. I'll see you in two days. Keep up the great work. you're doing good.''
I couldn't wait to call Austin and tell him the good news. I ran to the phone booths.
*Ring* *Ring* "Hello" "Austin!" I gasped out, I was so teary "Gia? Gia is that you?"
"Yeah, Hi hah." "Oh my gosh! hi, how are you my love are you okay? I miss you terrible" Now he sounded teary Austin and I were just waterworks over the phone. "So, I have good news do you wanna hear it?" "Of course I do."
"Okay, I can get released in two weeks if you can become apart of this program where we talk about what happened and how we learn to control it from happening again. What do you say I mean if you're not busy?"
"Gia, when I told you I loved you I meant it with every breath in body, you course through my veins. I will be here with you til the end. Now when do you need me there? tour, which you're coming with me on miss! starts in 1 month. You'll be home." I giggled and let out a sigh of relief
''Um, in two days around 10:00 am?" "I'll be there."
"Okay, i have to go now but i'll see you soon'' "Gia?"
"Yes?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Austin, so much.''