Beside You

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't handle all of the whispers spreading though town, and even through my own family. All of the, "Oh my, that poor girl...raising that baby all by herself! Such a shame," was becoming too much for me, so one day I asked my sister to watch Jace for a few hours and took off.

I drove to a cliff that overlooked the ocean, a place I'd been to hundreds of times with Jason. I walked up to the edge and sat down, letting my feet dangle over the side. I used to love coming here, and I shook my head when I realized I hadn't been here since before Jace was born.

"Sydney Louise Watson, how many times to I have to tell you not to just hang over the edge like that?"

I gasped at the sound of the familiar voice coming from behind me. I stared down at the water below, unsure of how I would react if I turned around and saw him standing there. I could hear him walk closer and sit down behind me.

"Come on, Sydney. Just slide back a little bit."

I remained frozen where I was sitting. "Jason, what the hell are you doing here?" I asked with hot tears forming in my eyes.

"I came to see you," he answered. "Is that okay?"

"No!" I snapped, shaking my head. "You left me, Jason."

"Honey," he sighed, placing his hands on my hips. "You know it's not my fault. If it had been up to me, I never would have gone anywhere."

"Yeah, but you did. You missed Jace being born and everything."

"Jace?" he said, his hands slowly moving up and down my sides. "Is that what you decided to name him?"

I nodded. "I wanted him to be named after you, at least sort of."

"Jace," he said again. "I like it." I felt his warm breath on the back of my neck, sending chills down my spine. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to my neck.

"Stop it," I whispered. "I'm still angry with you for leaving, and I still don't understand why you're here!"

"Syd, you want me here, don't you?"

"Of course I do, but-"

"No buts," he chuckled. "You want me here, so I'm here. I know you're mad at me, and I'm mad at me too. I didn't want to leave, Sydney, you know that. But I'm here now. So why don't you tell me about this son of mine?"

I smiled as I thought of Jace. "He's perfect. He's got this big mess of brown hair, and these beautiful dark eyes. He looks just like you, Jason. He'll probably have you're attitude, too."

Jason laughed at this. "Well, I certainly hope so. Someone's got to carry on the tradition."

The smile fell from my face, my eyes still locked onto the dark water below. "You're going to leave again aren't you?" I asked, tears threatening to fall again. "You're not going to stay with us?"

He sighed and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I can't, baby. I wish more than anything that I could stay. Just remember something, okay? Whenever you start to miss me, just close your eyes and picture me sitting right beside you, and there I'll be."

He removed his arms from my waist and I heard him stand. "I love you, Sydney."

The tears I'd been holding back finally spilled from my eyes and streamed down my cheeks. "I love you, too." Everything around me got deadly silent, and I finally forced myself to turn around. Just as I'd expected, Jason was gone. I closed my eyes and cried silently for a long time.

Eventually, I heard a car pull up and someone walk up next to me. "I thought I might find you here."

The voice didn't belong to Jason this time. I opened my eyes and looked into the brown ones staring back at me. "Brian, I came here to be alone."

"I know," he said. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know how hard it's been for you ever since Jason...you know..."

"Died," I said, nearly choking on the word. "Jason died. I'm tired of people not being able to say it around me."

"Sydney, we just don't want to upset you. It's only been six months, and we know it's been rough on you, especially since you had Jace."

"Well, it's upsetting me that people are treating me like I'm a bomb that's about to go off!" I snapped. "Yeah, it still hurts like hell when I think about it, but I have to come to terms with it, and I can't do that with everyone acting like it didn't happen! Jason's dead. He got in his car and ran it right into a tree. Nothing can change it."

Brian sighed and slid his arm around my shoulders. "I'm sorry, okay? I'll try to stop doing that, and I'll tell the rest of the guys, too. We just want you to be okay."

I forced myself to smile. "I am okay," I said, thinking of what Jason had said to me.

I closed my eyes and pictured him sitting right next to me.